Tuesday, December 1, 2015

How Do I Get My Man Back?

Good afternoon ma, am  22 years old and I need your advice because I don't understand my relationship anymore.
I do have a nagging attitude and this comes up whenever am with my partner. Before we started I told about my past relationship and how I nagged at my ex, I told him that I want to be single cos I end up nagging when am with the one I love and I was feeling real bad about it.
He insisted that he loves me and will help me change. He was nice, he was caring and everything a woman needs in a man. The second year of the relationship he started cheating, lying and faking things and even told me that he isn't interested but after few days he would tell me that it was a mistake and he loves me endlessly not minding the attitude.
I am very faithful to him and it hurts me that he is cheating. He told his mum about the attitude and she asked me to stay away from him that he is her only son and she doesn't like my tribe.
We love each other but because of family influence we have not been at peace cos he wants to respect his mum's wish. I love this guy so much and apart from the cheating he actually brought out the best in me. I don't know how to get my man back because I love him and can't imagine losing him because of the attitude and mum's influence.
The relationship is two years and eight months old.

Hope you are working on improving your communication skills without being a nag to your partner? 
Nothing crushes a man's ego like a nagging woman who have no respect and appreciation of his personality. 
To men it's worse than an insult because they simply don't know how best to cope with such and it also affects their self esteem. 
Now that you have spotted your weakness, try and work on it and improve on it by practising some of the tips. 

  • Listen more and enquire more but talk less. 
  • If you are angry and you cannot find a better word to express yourself, kindly request to leave the premises or better still say nothing. 
  • When you are discussing with your partner and he wants to make a point, please do not argue with his views but allow him to finish and when he's done, you may wish to express your views and opinions about the subject matter.
  • When you have made your views known to him, please do not repeat it or revisit it unless you have any illustration you may wish to talk about. 
  • Do you know that you can disagree with a person without attacking his personality? Dear we gain nothing attacking the personality of an individual irrespective of their shortcomings and limitations. If he did something wrong, please stick with what he did and do not digress to talking about his family or friends or loved ones or relatives or even his personality.
  • Please be patient and remember that nobody is perfect irrespective of their errors and everyone has all it takes to improve on their personality. 
  • Nagging most times is associated with low self esteem, and insecurity and I feel that you shouldn't be living as though you are scared of making impacts or appreciating yourself. 

So can we agree that you won't go out advertising your weaknesses to your partner but will work on them and allow your partner to figure out whether you are improving on that or not. 
Having said that, if a man is still breastfeeding (that's the word is use for a man who doesn't have a voice of his own or can make any decision without consulting mummy), there is no need for you to stress yourself all in the name of relationship.
This is because even if he appreciates you, he may not have the will to convince his mother that you are the one that he wishes to spend the rest of his life with. 
Not only was he a baby boy but he's also unfaithful which makes him not the kind of man who you can trust with your emotions and future. 
Whether you want him back is entirely up to you but I must encourage you to go for a partner who will give you the peace of mind and a partner who is faithful and emotionally prepared to grow in love with you. 
It doesn't necessarily matter how long you have known him or how much you have invested in him, if you are not happy with his personality, it's not advisable for you to go into a lifetime commitment with him to avoid emotional pains and disappointment later on in the marriage. 
Take it to God in prayers and seek for his guidance and grace so that you don't end up with a partner that may influence you negatively and bring out your weaknesses. 


  1. Dear poster...
    Think of winning yourself back first cos it seems something has taken over you..
    No matter how hard you fight, you can only win his presence but his heart knows where it belongs...don't waste your time..
    Secondly...can't you see that his mother has the final say in his life? Can't you see that your opinion doesn't count? Can you cope with the authority that controls him?
    Use your tongue to count your teeth...

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