Saturday, January 9, 2016

I Feel Trapped with Him!

Good evening Madam. May God continue to bless you and fellow AVLites for the good work you are doing. A few months back, I had posted that I was in a dilemma of what to do about the man God chose for me (through personal prayers, and revelations of different persons who do not know one another at different locations). I also mentioned that he was the last I would have accepted among the six serious suitors I had, he doesn't dress well, smell well, have self confidence, have a job and both of us are average in height.
I decided to accept God's will and told the others so. He came again with his people to pay off some other traditional requirements including the bride price, almost immediately after and our wedding is coming up in March. He is caring and understanding. He is my great Hero. I have decided to marry and stay with him. I talk great about him to my family members and friends.
My family members now love and respect him despite all (Initially they were perplexed and disappointed in me about my choice). Today, my father even calls him a name that means 'small but mighty'. Everyone is happily preparing for this marriage. Together, we've made some investments already. I have personal fears and worries about this marriage. Helping him change his dress sense, body/mouth odour and, work on his self confidence has not been easy. Even after lovingly telling him, buying perfume and cloth for him, it took me breaking down in tears before, he began considering some of these things. He would always tell me that he has many other important things bugging his mind at the moment. Although he tries to correct them when I'm around, it doesn't look like he would ever change. I always have to remind him to represent me well. I usually asked him, if he would like to see me haggard and unkempt and he pleads with me not to do it. That affects the way some persons treat him.
Sometimes, they want to confer the same treatment on me, but I resist it. I usually tell him he is a great man and encourage him to express himself whenever necessary. He is not self confident. Sincerely, I am always ashamed of introducing him to friends and colleagues(who do not know him) or walking hand in hand with him. How can I handle or cope with this. If he has not changed for months now, will he ever do?
Sometimes, I feel trapped. If while still in my parents home, I feel this way, I'm wondering how I would live everyday forever with him. Sometimes, I feel like running away. As I mentioned earlier, since he is God's Will, I want to stay with him but I am so worried. Please Ma, and fellow AVLites, what are the practical strategies (from your personal experiences and those of people you know) can I apply to handle this. I am dying in silence already.

Begin by changing his wardrobe and getting some of the tea shirts and jeans trousers and some the dresses that will suit his personality. Organise the room in such a manner that he will have a place to keep dirty stuff and get a mirror for some observations.
Polish him up and appreciate his efforts to improve even though the pace maybe slow. At this point in your life, your presence willwill be creating a new environment in his life and it will take him some time to adjust but much later, you would begin to reap the dividends of your sacrifice.
Normally it takes approximately twenty one days of consistent practice to change a habit and if you can look beyond his weaknesses, you will discover the real hero in him.
It may not be easy in the beginning but with God's grace and patience,it's possible. Please do not rely on your strength or be discouraged by his pace of development and change, it will take some time but he will never forget you in a haste. Looking unto Jesus... If Jesus tarries, keep loving, helping him and covering his weaknesses and nakedness. Only heaven will reward you for giving your heart to helping him become the hero the world yearns for.


  1. Ask yourself if you will find the strength to cope with these habits all life long. It's not late for you to review your position. Another woman may appreciate this man better. God is not an author of confusion.

  2. Replies
    1. Exactly what I wanted to ask ooo biko???


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