Sunday, January 17, 2016

I'm Not Crazy About Him!

Good day ma. I'm really really confused at this point in my life. I'm a 20 years old girl. There's this man I've always known right from my childhood. He's a family friend, about two years ago he started disturbing me for marriage and I'm like I'm too young for that. He has met my family members about it and they don't mind but I don't love him. He's a very nice person and I know he loves me to the moon and back but I'm not ready for marriage.
I'm a 200level student. By the time I graduate,I'll want to pursue my masters degree at Yale and I know marrying him will hinder that cos I'm sure he won't let me leave Nigeria for that long. He said he's ready to wait for me to graduate from the University then we'll get married but he'll first do some traditional marriage rights. And I don't want that to happen. What if by the time I'm ready to get married, I fall in love with someone else? I'll end up disappointing him. Ma the truth is that I want to marry someone I'll be crazy about, someone I can talk freely with. This man is way way older than me probably about 15 years difference. I'm not sure I'll be proud to display him to the world. And every one I know advices me to marry him. They say I may regret it in future if I don't and that is my greatest fear. I don't want to make a wrong decision.
I don't want to end up saying no to him and lacking someone who'll love me as he does. I really don't want to manage marriage. I want to enjoy it. Someone told me that it's probably the devil's plan to make me dislike him so much. How do I know if he's God's plan for me. Most of my mate's aren't even talking about marriage. Everyone is still serious with education. Isn't it too early. This man is financially buoyant and he can take care of me but I know that there's more to marriage. I really wish I could see the end from the beginning. Please I need you to advice me . Thank you.

I perfectly understand your fears and worries and I will not encourage you to take any decision out of pity or fear of the unknown.
You have so much time to sort things out and decide for yourself what you truly want in life.
Some made a wrong choice out of ignorance which they regret today, some felt that they were too young to be responsible and they were too young to plan their lives. They depended on chance which never favoured them.
Always remember that your journey is unique to your personality and nobody has the authority to live as you wish much more than you do so calm your nerves and take things from the very basics.
His age difference, his marriage plans, your plan to go to Yale (by the way, you have already started writing in I wanna gonna.. Lol), your being too young and not thinking about marriage and all the musing of your friends are to me just the peripherals of your emotions.
Have you taken your time to ask yourself what you are on earth for? What is your purpose in life and where is God taking you in life? It's good to acquire all the certificates you can crave for but when you discover your purpose in life, you won't struggle with so many issues about who to marry.
What is your passion as an individual? What do you love doing so much that you can literally give your heart, time and energy to without any regrets?
What is your personal relationship with God like? Do you make out time to study the word of God and hear his voice and take some time to meditate and reflect on God's purpose for your life and marriage?
Enjoying marriage begins with discovering yourself, then understanding the kind of partner that you need and being able to identify him when he comes.
Contrary to many who are scaring you with the fear of the unknown, I will encourage you to shelve every marriage plans and sit down and meditate on your life and destiny.
When you have separated yourself from the world and your friends, you will truly know what you need and what your heart deserves.
While you are on the path of self discovery, let that man know that you are not emotionally prepared for the kind of responsibility he is demanding for and that he should shelve all his plans so that you can seek the face of God and understand his purpose for your life.
Develop interest in knowing him as an individual, it doesn't in any way mean that you must get married to him but it will help you to clear some of the things you may be ignorant about his personality. Some ladies make the mistake of summarising a man on his face value or having a negative feeling about his personality simply because they never had the time to understand his personality and his vision as a man.
I'm totally against any man who will put you on the spot and pay your dowry when you can't even tell your left from your right.
Love should be the basis of marriage and if you are not comfortable with his personality, there's no need getting married to him because you may still cheat on him or do something horrible when you are with him.
Apart from his age, find out who this man is beyond his skin and pocket value. This is because that's the real man and understanding his personality will go a long way to determine whether he's the kind of man your heart craves for.
Let's keep your friend's opinions far away from you and also encourage your parents not to fix a husband for you because marriage is not for the emotionally immature individuals but for those who have left the fantasy world and are willing to humble themselves and nurture the relationship, invest in one another and mutually appreciate each other without any fear or worries or doubt in their heart.
What you need is to discover your identity, once you have done that, you won't struggle to identify who your husband ought to be.

1 comment:

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