Sunday, March 27, 2016

How Do I Manage the Situation?

Dear Amara, I am a lady of 26, got married a few years ago and has a baby on the way. My challenge is that I and my hubby recently moved into our newly built house and every thing seems to be going well. My sister in-law just rented an apartment next to mine and is also calling on the other siblings to do the same so we can all stay close to each other, her reason being that she wants to be close to her brother and also have somewhere she can always leave her kids if she needs to travel.
Ever since then I don't have the privacy I so much desire, I hardly spend quality time with my husband before someone comes knocking. She is almost always in my house collecting or saying one thing or the other. The kids have turned my kitchen and bedroom to play ground and when I caution them my husband wears a long face.
How do I manage the situation so as not to become enemies with anyone cos I am just in the middle. My sister in-law at my right, my family house at my left (though my parents are very far away but my siblings come around occasionally) and my marriage sponsors right in front of my house. These people I mentioned are not bad people just that I want to be able to build and make decisions in my home and at least enjoy some privacy at the end of a hard day's work.

The occasional visit by your siblings will naturally make your husband feel cheated whenever his own relatives come knocking on the door and you feel worried about that. 
You have to create the capacity in your heart to accommodate all, your in-laws, your family and his friends and instead of feeling worried learn to work with your husband and manage the rate at which they come knocking on your room. 
To help you get grip of the circumstances in your marriage, you must know how best to communicate with your husband and get him to understand what you are worried about in your marriage. Paint a scenario for him and let him see reasons why he shouldn't give an open check to anyone just because they are living around him and have the freedom to come at will. 
Let him realise that both of you are married and deserve some time and freedom to yourself. It won't be nice if you and your husband are making love only for the children to flood the house and scatter the kitchen. He shouldn't see you as an enemy because you want to keep things in order. 
These are what you should explain to him and plead for his understanding and support to help you manage things and accommodate them. He must learn to enforce some discipline  in his home so that his family doesn't end up running his home for him. He should appreciate your worries and help you put some check and balance to avoid gossips or hatred from any quarter. 
Hopefully he will listen and talk to his siblings without making it look like you pushed him to do so. But whatever becomes the outcome, please do not get so worried that you forget that this phase of your marriage will never last and as soon as your children arrives, there will be a new dynamics in your home and everyone else will adjust to the realities of your home. 
So accommodate them as you would accommodate your own siblings and their children and learn to ignore some things that are irrelevant especially from the children. Be patient with them and let their presence in your life be a time for you to bless them, guide them, educate them and relate with them as you would do to your children. 
Life is nothing but building lasting relationship with anyone God has brought into our lives irrespective of the inconveniences we may experience in doing so. Let God be fair to all and give you the wisdom and the patience to manage them without looking as though you came to separate him from his family's tradition.

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