Friday, March 25, 2016

I'm in a Dilemma, Please Help!

Good morning Mrs Amara
God bless you for your selfless service.
Ma sorry my write up will be a bit lengthy. I am the girl that wrote you some months back about how well I can manage my time in going to work weekdays, schooling weekends and at the same time find a space to acquire a skill. Well I must commend your advice and that of your fans. I am making preparations to start an online tutorial on a skill.

Well today am writing you about my relationship. I had my first boyfriend (he was six years older) when I was 19 years old, though we planned alot about our future but the relationship came crashing as soon as he travelled out of the country. The relationship lasted for two years plus.(though we still chat once in a while on Facebook) but on casual level.

Years rolled on I didn't border entering into another affair since all I was pretty concerned about was my academics.

Aunty Amara am in my finals now (National Diploma) but in my second year I became attached emotionally with a male friend (course mate) the feelings grew to the extent that I will lose all manner of concentration the moment he's not in class. When he finally asked me out I turned him down and pretended that am not interested but after about six months of pretence I gave in and we started dating though on a ground of "No Ting No Sex" and he promised to wait. With the few months we have been together as lovers I think he's okay! But my greatest problem is he has been insisting that I introduce him to my siblings or church. Ma, sincerely speaking I wouldn't hesitate in doing that but I can't. I know my siblings very well, they will reject him because they will say is a school love that he's too small for me and still have a very long distance to cover before he can become a full man. On the other hand my Church will even preach against it cos their doctrine is like that of a (deeper Life). They will say is wrong to court for a period longer than one year.

Aunty please help me, cos am in a dilemma, what do I do? I don't want us to continue in a secret affair.

Note: We're age mates (24 years) but he's older with some months. He does not have parents again but he's ready to take me to his siblings (we re planning marriage in the next 3-4 years because after our diploma we still need to further our education.

Your advice and that of your lovely fans will put my mind at rest. Please save a troubled mind.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a purposeful relationship between two adults who understand the responsibilities and the demands of dating each other.
All you need to do is to open up to your partner and help him to understand your concerns and worries concerning introducing him to your family and your church pending when you are emotionally prepared to deal with any criticism and opinions of anyone.
You can assure him that you are not doing this because you are not proud of his personality and vision in life but because you want to work with him and groom your relationship till when both of you are about go settle down with each other.
But I'm also wondering why you are more concerned about the opinions of others especially your family about your relationship? For you to succeed in life, you must decide within your heart to make your decisions and follow your convictions in all your endeavours and not to be afraid and worried about the opinions of your siblings and the likes.
You cannot live in the image of your siblings and family nor can you please anyone else if you hope to prosper in life. You must have an open heart and be willing to accept all the mockery, the criticism, the condemnations and the opinions of those who feel that you are foolish to date your partner and commit everything to God who can tell the future from today to guide you and grant the very desires of your heart.
See yourself as a lady on a sacred journey with God and your partner, maximise every time, privileges that you have to grow in love with him and understand his personality and men's perception in general, be patient and be humble and learn all you can learn while trusting God to perfect that which is best for you.
It is not the opinions of your family or the perception of your church that should dictate how the relationship should be but your convictions about the relationship that should be your major concern. If all he wished to do was get to know your family, I don't think that he has made so much demand that you cannot attend to but then again, do that when you are emotionally prepared and psychologically stable for that.

1 comment:

  1. Romantic Relationships are STRICTLY for people who are ready for marriage. If you are not,then leave it alone. Downgrade the relationship to normal friendship and cultivate it into a lifelong friendship,if you can do it without getting all romantic. And,when the right time comes,it is easier to take things up from there. If you are not ready for marriage,then it is not yet time for romantic affiliations. Focus on cultivating great lifelong friendships that you can bequeath to your children. It is from this kind of friendships that great spouses are manufactured. Get the book,'WAITING AND DATING' by Myles Munroe. Everything has been simplified there - in the book.
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