Am Going Mad Now!

Good day ma'am, may God continue to increase your knowledge. In my second year in school I got pregnant, my then boyfriend was in his final year. I told him, he was happy and asked me to keep it that he will take care of us. We informed our families after the normal scolding they decided I should go and stay with him in his family house which I did. Things were fine in the first month, the second month became tears, pains and hatred from his mum, sibling and boyfriend. After giving birth it became worse, hardly could I feed my baby. There was a day my boyfriend beat me so badly so my parent asked me to pack my things and come back home. Two days after I left, he started calling pleading in tears saying he did not know what came over him.
When my parent refused, he involved our spiritual father and with that my people said he should come and pay my bride price, I went back to school for my HND program. In my final, he came with his people to pay for my bride price which I refused but my parent persuaded me to go that he has changed for good, I have no other choice than to accept him. After our traditional marriage, he has been so lazy to look for work, I just graduated few months ago waiting to serve and I have tried few businesses which failed due to the environment(village) and over expenses. Now I settle for teaching, I just had a miscarriage due to the stress in the village and lack of money to care for the pregnancy, I have pleaded for him to leave the village, he bluntly refused but rather prefer roaming round the village playing pool and betting.
Please help me, sometimes I feel like committing suicide or running away, I can easily make it outside this village but he refused to leave, am going mad now and might do something stupid.


Get hold of your emotions, nothing is beyond your capacity and control until you give up on yourself in your mind. Our mind is the most powerful and the most important tool for motivation, hope, strength and emotional support irrespective of whatever you maybe experiencing or the challenges surrounding you. 
Suicide or running mad or running away will only make you a waste in yourself and leave your beautiful son with so much hardship and difficulties of life. So please wipe those evil thoughts and feelings from your mindset and feed your mind with words of hope, encouragement and convictions that irrespective of what life may have brought to you, you will make out the best of it and come out strong. 
Some women had to do all forms of menial jobs and trades for them to raise their children and cover the inability of their husbands, some ventured into rural-urban businesses, some ventured into food businesses, some ventured into hawking and some ventured into raw materials processing for them to make ends meet. 
Your husband has chosen a path that he feels that he will succeed with, instead of I surrendering to fate, book a date with God and prayerfully prepare yourself for your NYSC. Let this be an opportunity for you to develop yourself skillfully, economically and strategically to do something different to take care of your children. 
Think about what your village can produce which the town is yearning for and work out plans to transport them and make some money from them. There are places where food stuff is very cheap, you may consider buying and reselling, you may also consider supplying business, you may also consider agriculture and other forms of business but do not give up on God and in your marriage. 
It can be depressing and discouraging to live with a lazy man who enjoys snapping pictures on the bed and doing nothing to help himself or to support his marriage but that doesn't mean that life has come to an end. Now you have a child who totally depends on your convictions to succeed, so please do not give up or lose hope that things will not be better. 
Let your desire be to organise yourself, plan your future and think of what's best for you and your son at this point in your life. If he's not willing to move, please move and let him know where you are and focus on maximising every opportunity you have to create wealth and provide for your needs.
There is no need to remind you of the importance of saving your money because you will greatly need them on the rainy days, but I will encourage you to think out other ways to get extra funds, so that you can supplement what you have and also reinvest for the future. 
God will not give up on you, so please do not give up on yourself, don't border pushing your husband, allow him to decide for himself what he want in life but do not sit down and wait for him to provide what you need to avoid starving your son and dying of hunger.