Wednesday, April 13, 2016

How Do I Convince my Parents?

Good day aunty Amara, you’re indeed a blessing to me because I have gained a lot from your advise to people. May the Almighty continue to bless you. Please my write up is lengthy but please have patience with me.
Am a young man in my early thirties dating a girl in her late twenties, we have been dating for the past five years, she has contributed financially, morally and otherwise to help me attain whatever I am today, for me, she is the virtuous woman as described in the Holy book.
Initially when we started dating, she told me that she was living with her foster parents which made me try to know more about her biological parents. She initially declined to tell me, but after some time she told me that her dad died when she was about nine years old and that her father died due to the flirting activities of her mum who she is yet to forgive. According to her, it’s because of her mum’s actions with different men that made her father, out of his love for her, gave her out to whom he believed will take better care of her, this according to her was when she was about three years old.
I have asked her so many times to forgive her mum since she was fortunate to have had a lovely dad who put her to where she got a very good moral upbringing, but she kept saying that she cannot totally forgive her because she lost her dad to her immoral acts. Her biological mum usually visits her at her foster parents’ home but she has little or no regard for her.
I never considered these an issue until few days ago when my neighbor who hailed from a neighboring village with my babe's saw her along the road with her biological mum and called me to ascertain what my girl is doing with a woman whom according to my neighbor is an evil woman whom everyone in their village and environment dreaded to associate with unless you are one of her customers that she flirts around with. She told me that the woman was very well known in their area for her flirting with both young and old. When I told her that the woman is my babe’s mum, she could not believe it.
Now the problem is
1. How do I convince my people that she is not like her mum, because I came from a priestly family that will never like to do anything that will dent her image? As my parents must like to go and find out about her as soon as I introduce her to them.
2. My girl is insisting that whoever that will marry her must pay her bride prize and do the other traditional rites to her foster parents first before any other rites if need be. Meanwhile, her real and foster parents are not from the same place. While her siblings and other relations are alive.

God works using every means to save his own and guide those who he love and cherish. Her mother is her mother irrespective of her decisions and choices in life. She maybe an evil woman and a local prostitute but her womb bore your partner and for that reason deserves your respect and appreciation. And for the fact that her mother was wayward doesn't in any way suggest that she may end up like her in the near future. 
I understand that you are worried about your parent's perception of your partner as a result of her mother's lifestyle but from what you have found out about the personality of your partner and her testimonies about her family, I don't think that anyone who has read all that you wrote about her personality will condemn her or feel that her mother will be an obstacle to your happiness or a bad image to the integrity of your family. 
All you need to do is refer them to her foster family and allow them to let your family know more about her past and her personality.
Where I feel that you should work out is where both of you will do the traditional wedding rites. Make out time to discuss this with her and suggest that she seek the opinion and suggestions of her foster family on where they feel that it will be most appropriate and convenient for you to carry out her traditional rites. 
Traditionally, it's meant to be done in family of the father so that her roots will be notified of her marriage and the elders will bless her marriage. However, because she doesn't feel comfortable associating with her family or her mother, she may not like anything that will link her to such but with your encouragement and wisdom, I hope that she will reconsider and let go of the unpleasant moments of her upbringing so that she can fulfil the law and the tradition and also make your family feel comfortable with her. 
Introduction and the likes can be done in her foster family while the bride prize and the other rites maybe done in her father's house. 
Irrespective of the shortcomings and the unfortunate decision of her mother, please encourage her to forgive her and liberate her from her heart. It is very very important that she forgives her and set her free so that she can enjoy the benefits and the beauty of her marriage. It is never in our place to retaliate, to punish, to reward or to condemn anyone because of their decisions but all we owe them is prayers, patience, forgiveness and love while we allow God who is faithful to reward everyone according to their duties on earth. 
So continue to support her, love her and encourage her so that she can get over the gloomy days of her life in order for her to give her heart and soul to make your marriage heaven on earth. 

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