Friday, June 3, 2016

Could He be Cheating on Me?

Greetings to you ma, I really want to appreciate you for all the good things God has used you to do in people's life. Here's my story...
Am a 21 years old girl, am still a student and by God's grace I am doing so well with my studies. I've been in a relationship with a 24 years old guy. We have been together for almost two years. He graduated over two years and he is yet to go for service cos of some financial issues and hasn't finished his clearance in school.
When we started dating, I told him that I am a virgin and as far as the relationship and my personal development is concerned, I want it to remain that way which he told me that sincerely it was going to be hard cos he was no longer a virgin but he would wait for me till am ready.
Honestly since then, our relationship was great, he calls me at day and night, compliments me and try to be there for me (not financially), even sometimes I wish he could help out finanacially, no matter how small but I didn't care cos as for me that was all I needed. Those small things he did...
Last December, he did something that hurt me so bad... He just stopped calling me for no reason, on my birthday he didn't call me or even a text. I thought maybe he was tired of the relationship cos at some point I felt him drifting away slowly. After a month, he called and begged me for weeks and he told me that the reason he acted that way was cos he had family issues and things weren't working well for him and I had my problems so the burden was much on him but I was so hurt and after a lot of begging and promises I had to forgive him cos I really loved him.
By March, we started our relationship again and things weren't the same as before cos we both started having trust issues. My instincts just told me that maybe he is cheating on me cos he doesn't call like before, I mean the cute things he did before. I felt like I was fighting for his attention and it was a bad feeling. But one day I saw a message from a girl saying she loves him too and I confronted him and he said he had nothing serious with the girl that they are just friends and he has friends who he tells that to... It was nothing serious cos even though he says it, it was me who he truly loved. He also said he doesn't trust me as much as before and I told him that he shouldn't worry about me cos I would never cheat on him and that matter just ended like that.
For over a month I haven't seen him and we stay in the same town and when I tell him to come see me, he would say he can't come around. He says he feels like having sex and if he comes around he might want to have sex with me and he doesn't want that. Sometimes I tell him how much I want to see him cos am going through some stuffs in my family and I really need a friend that I just want us to talk and spend time together but he is not here to hold my hand.
He calls which I appreciate but we need to spend time which he is reluctant and I feel lonely. He just keep saying how horny he has gotten. He said he doesn't know how long he could wait but I told him, if he feels like going out he should tell me but he said he doesn't want to lose me and honestly I don't want to lose him too.
I haven't heard from him for a week now and that's unusual. I haven't called him either cos I don't want to seem so desperate or should I call him to know what he is up to? Or should I just give up on him cos it might end soon anyway cos of the sex I am unable to give to him...
Thank you very much MA!

It's normal for him to feel horny and aroused whenever he's with you but for him to ignore you, avoid you, quit communicating with you and give excuses for not sharing his time with you is not normal. 
Since he's so much in need of sex and he feels that if you can't give him sex, you shouldn't demand for his attention, it will be safer and healthier for you to give him some time and space and simply live your life as though he doesn't exist. 
Trying to use his personal desire for sex to blackmail you and then accuse you of cheating on him is a cheap plot which has no basis. In reality, he's the one who is cheating on you and has devoted his heart to someone else and in his bid to defend himself uses his family issues as an excuse. 
If he cannot be committed to you, cannot communicate with you, doesn't care about how you feel and doesn't devote his time and heart to make the relationship work, what then is the essence of the relationship? What are you dating, a wood or a human? 
Thank God that you are doing well academically, I feel that you also need to develop yourself vocationally, spiritually and financially. Instead of allowing him to drag you backwards, choose to develop yourself, organise yourself and groom yourself to become the kind of woman that you will be proud of in the future. 
Like I said earlier, there's absolutely nothing wrong with his feelings and sexual urge but if the only thing that relationship means to him is sex, then I don't think that both of you are on the same page. The decision is yours, mine is to help you see beyond the ordinary excuses.

1 comment:

  1. I love this advice Aunty Amara.God bless you dearly


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