Saturday, June 11, 2016

Will He Find His Feet Again?

Hi Aunty Amara, thanks for great job , please I need a sincere advice... My hubby is my first love, we are married for eight years, he is very nice and caring to me. His problem is that he is very stubborn, and he does not listen to anybody no matter what.
My husband has seen money but never saved for the future, I advised him to save money when it was rosy, he said am scared because am from a poor background. In 2009 he bought a new car for himself and gave me N1.2m to buy a car, I refused but told him I wanted to start up a boutique with the money.
That was my greatest undoing. My hubby took the money rented a shop and broke down another man's building, started building the the shop from scratch. I was angry because it's a waste of money, but he said I was ungrateful and stopped telling me anything that had to do with money. He built a fine shop but didn't have money buy goods.
That was my greatest mistake, I thought I was helping my husband but I didn't know I was giving him the room to waste money, my husband will wake up, go from house to house helping people to pay rent, furnish house, buy television, giving pastors money, even giving his rich friends that didn't ask for help.
I cried and pleaded with him, he became very secretive, I ran to my parent to help me beg him to acquire lands, he refused but they forced him to buy at the village and he did. I didn't have any child for four years so I was careful not to overstep my boundaries. He is the only child of his mum from a polygamous home of over eighteen children, his mum is late so I had nobody to talk to him ...
I did my best, I am not a flashy person , cos I knew where I came from. Now I have kids, my husband has nothing, I do business here and there on business, I dress like a mad woman. I can't make up, am always into myself because of setback, failure.
Am the one carrying a family of four no help, those his friends that were standing by him then because he gave them have all abandoned him , they don't even picks his calls, but then they encouraged him to send me away so he can take another wife who will bear him children.
Now am suffering, I won't eat, just to make sure my kids eats, I sell stuffs to pay their school fees, I don't go to church, cos no wears for Sunday Church. Am dying, the load is too much on me, I feel like running away, but for what reason? Nobody understands what am going through, am living by the grace of God..
I wish my husband listened to me, I meant well for him but he felt I was old school. I was scared of poverty , what I greatly fear has befallen me, I don't respect him at all, I insult him, in fact I don't allow him to touch me...
Will my husband ever find his feet again? He is a nice man but to a fault he wants to please everybody and displease his family.

I know that you are carrying huge responsibilities and difficulties. I also know that you meant well to your husband and wanted him to succeed as your husband.
Granted that he carelessly lavished his wealth on others when he had enough to save, I also believe that you got part of his blessings as his beloved wife. I believe that he never allowed you to suffer or dress in rags or torture you emotionally.
But he went all the way to make your home a haven for both of you, stood by you when his friends encouraged him to leave you, and he made you feel loved and cherished by providing surplus for your comfort.
He rented an apartment and reconstructed it because he wanted the best for you and wanted you to have the best boutique in your area. Madam, your husband truly loves you sincerely and wasn't as horrible as you painted him.
Disrespecting him, starving him of sex, insulting him and making him live like a failure won't help your marriage in any way nor will it help him come out of his current financial challenges. Rather your attitude towards him only shows how quick you were to forget all that he did for you, all he shared with you and all he sowed to appreciate your presence in his life.
Nobody is above mistakes and your husband should not be crucified for making one, simply because he didn't follow your advice. He still remains the man behind your achievements and successes in life. He's the father of your lovely children and he never treated you with so much disdain and emotional torture when you were having your own difficulties.
Return back home and apologise to your husband for your insensitivity and attitude to him, let him know that you never did all these because you hated him but it was because of the challenges and the difficulties that was confronting you everyday.
Bring him back to yourself and allow him to be your husband, even though he doesn't have as much as he did in the past. Let him know that though he's down today, he can still rise again and again and again. Encourage him, pamper him, feed him, and give him a quality sex. These are the gestures that will make him feel loved and motivate him to start up something no matter how little.
Share your ideas with him, suggest what you feel that both of you can do together and avoid nagging or always reminding him of his past errors, because he must have learnt from his past.
He's a nice man and your approach may only end up pushing him to the arms of a nice lady whose intention is to be his care taker while you judge him for his mistakes.
Your husband can still find his feet again if both of you join hands together and trust God to bless the work of your hands. No matter how low your husband has fallen, if he's alive, he can still rise above his financial crisis.
Please do not allow your emotions and your challenges to make you destroy your marriage. This is the time for you to return to God and seek for divine intervention in your marriage and in your finances, and by his grace I believe that God will provide all that your family needs to prosper in life.

1 comment:

  1. Madam I must first and foremost salute your courage of finding it expedient to seek for a solution from this group. I know that what we can only give you here is but a solute, add the solvent in you already and I bet you your hubby will become a solution. Now let me tell you the real truth. I was in this kind of mess in my life, I became a millionaire at age 25. I was told by my father in the faith that I was born a helper and solution to people's problems. I invested all my money on people and my family forgetting that wisdom does not teach that. When things turned around early 2014, my family and friends couldn't help me. In your post you forgot or did not mention your fate. I want to say this. The solution to this problem is completely in your hands. Like aunt Amara said, why deny him his conjugal rights thereby making him feel more defeated? I think all you need to do now is to show him more love and attention. Rebuild your walls of defense. Remind him that you will stand by him nor matter the challenge. Make sure you respect him and give him that headship role in the home. God maybe trying both of you. Please try and be a darling now. I bet you the man will surely bounce back. A bend on the road is not often the end of the road. One more thing you need to invite God into your home as the main BOSS. May God bless and heal your wounds.


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