Thursday, July 28, 2016

My Husband Doesn't Make me Feel like a Real Woman.

Hi Aunty Amara please help me .
My husband doesn't make me feel like a real woman. I used to try to initiate sex, seduce him, buy some sex lingerie but he doesn't even respond romantically.
Married for seven years now and never experienced romance and orgasm. Hubby just thinks of himself, all he can do is rubbing me, squeezing my nipples two minutes before I start feeling anything he forces himself in.
Now I have decided to help myself by putting some lubricants because the sex is always painful since I am always dry when he wants to get in. 
When I try talk to him, sending some links about how to make woman reach orgasm all he can say is that's craziness. I only hear the goodness of sex on reading articles. In bed it's like am with my brother, he only gets close to me when he wants sex that's it. 
He cheated on me when my first kid was one and half years and impregnated a girl. He said it was a mistake and I tried to forgive him though I was hurt so much and lost trust. 
During the process of trying to built up trust and affection back after my second child was almost turning 2 years, I found out he had another kid who was six months old again. I tried to leave him but he stopped me saying that he still loves me.
Honestly I lost all the affection like pouring a bucket of water on burning fire. I no longer have any feelings for him neither trust. Looking at him, l see a serial liar and a cheat, worse, when it comes to sex am really really cold.
He is very selfish as long as he satisfies himself he doesn't bother about me. Tried to flirt with him like during the day, he doesn't respond or he will just say that's being crazy I don't do that.
He doesn't have time with me, all he does is always out, whether weekend or public holidays he leaves home early morning and come back in the evening. Not even telling me where he will be or who will he be with.
I decided not to ask or know and he thinks that it's submission not knowing that he has pushed my heart far from him that am in a situation where I don't care anymore, the heartbreaks are too much now.
The more l pray for our marriage the more he hurts me. Now I can't kneel down praying for him as my husband to prosper in life because I feel like am doing it for other woman to enjoy. He doesn't take me out even for lunch, not even a present on my birthday, valentine's day, mother's day or anniversary. But for him I do thinking that maybe one day he will realise and reciprocate but no change.
He tries by all means to stop me from interacting with other people, like now I don't have someone to call a friend, even my own relatives he stopped me from visiting them. Every night he checks my phone WhatsApp messages, call list, text messages and Facebook thereby deleting some of my contacts but his phone has password and I don't even get close to it.
He stopped me from going to midweek church services. When not at work, am at home and only go to church on a Sunday.
At first I thought that's marriage, I have to persevere but l have lost it all. Am pissed off now. If not for my kids who I know they really love their dad and he loves them too sometimes, I think it's better to leave him. Even when he is away, I don't miss sex cos I have never enjoyed it.
Is there any other thing that I can do to maybe to help me have my affection back cos I really desire to be loved, to be made to feel like a real woman.
When I try to discuss it with him, I will end up not saying anything because he will say I think you have a problem, you just have to get used to what I do, why do you want to have long foreplay? You just need to be wet just from hearing that I want sex.
He doesn't even want to go for counselling to our marriage counsellor, even my aunties, all he does is stopping me from visiting them.

You are an adult who have all the rights and privileges of the citizen of your country. Nobody has the right to keep you hostage without your support and approval. 
You can decide what happens to you and what you can't tolerate in your marriage, and until you decide to put an end to his manipulative and wicked lifestyle, you may have to continue enduring marriage with him since according to you, he loves his children and therefore you can't work on the challenges of your marriage. 
I'm somehow wondering what was the attraction to him, if he really loved you, wooed you or if he was forced to marry you perhaps after getting pregnant for him, because most of his attitude towards you and sex suggests that there is no affection or companionship in your marriage and that is why he treats you like a slave and impose anything he feels like on you.
I wouldn't know why you don't want to involve your family and his family in resolving the many challenges in your marriage, but I feel or suggest that the time is ripe for you to seek help for yourself and save yourself from depression. 
I will suggest that you consider going back home and involving your family, or someone that he will respect or at least listen to, so that he or she will have a heart to heart discussion with him and find out why he has decided to frustrate your life in the name of marriage.
In the interim since he cheats on you, I will suggest that you consider using protection during sexual intercourse to protect yourself from contracting sexually transmitted infections. Always keep lubricants beside you so that he doesn't bruise you and torture you sexually since talking about foreplay is craziness to him. 
Though I'm not against you praying for your husband but I'm of the opinion that you need to do more than praying if you wish to experience a fulfilling marriage and enjoy sex with your husband.


  1. you two are not meant for each other.

  2. Hmmm. To me ,we get to live ones and that's it. What ever it is that's under my power that tries to restrict me from that,I will cut it off my life. Kids or no kids. How can you stay in such environment in the name of marriage. Thats modern day slavery. He feels noting for you.,....


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