Saturday, August 27, 2016

Am I Being Too Jealous?

Good evening Aunty Amara, please I need your advice. My fiancée works with Nigerian Breweries Company and has girls that work under him. It's all about promoting their brands in bars and supermarket. Most times after the job, since it's periodical, the girls will give him some token to show appreciation in order to get the job next time.

I trust him actually but there is a particular girl that often gives him money, when I asked him, he said she did it to show appreciation. Three days ago his compound was flooded and his apartment was affected, I was in school, so when I got there two days ago, It was a disaster.
Then a call came in, it was that girl, after receiving the call he told me that he called the girl and told her what happened, and she came immediately, and since then she has been calling to know how he is doing, and she is helping her look for an apartment, and she promised to raise N50,000 for support.
I felt weak, and I was asking him why all these efforts from her, he said am thinking negatively, and that all I need to do is appreciate her.
To cut it all short, I followed him to the new apartment the girl saw for him, and funny enough he wasn't even taking my opinions, rather he took hers, and my fiancee was so open with his personal affairs and I felt bad. Please Aunty, am I being too jealous?
Cause I kicked against the apartment, cause it was very close to her shop and lower than his previous apartment, I ended up looking for a better one and was now raising funds, he now said since the girl promised to give him N50000, he called her and the girl told him that she was coming to supervise the house, I was marvelled , and I asked him why, if our two decision was not enough? He just said since she is close I should let her see the place, so aunty please . How do I make things right?

Just like your fiancée's job, she's working so hard to promote her brand, and unfortunately for you I have this feeling that your 'fiancée' has already accepted her brand.
From all you said in your mail, they're not just not ordinary colleagues, they're more intimate than you might possibly imagine or believe.
When a man who is in a serious relationship with a lady is so comfortable with sharing everything with a lady, receiving help from a lady and considering the lady's opinion to his very own partner, well he's already in a relationship with the lady. And even if he claims otherwise, he has succeeded in giving the lady an impression that he's interested in a relationship with her which is also the same thing as dating a lady.
You are not being too jealous, you only reacted as a normal lady will react when she realises that the man she's building her world around is busy building branches with other ladies.
My suggestion would be that you sit down with him and let him know that you are not comfortable with his relationship with this lady, it's either you leave him so that the lady will continue with him or he leaves the lady and focus on the relationship.
No lady goes about raising N50,000 for her boss, getting an accommodation close to her shop, always sending him money, and constantly communicating with him if she's not emotionally attached to him.
So do not in the name of trying to impress him lose your identity or focus as a lady, rather use this opportunity to let him know what you can accommodate or tolerate in your life, marriage and home, and where he's not comfortable with your request, you may as well return his engagement ring to him and move on with your life.

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