Sunday, September 18, 2016

My Aunt-in-law Speaks Evil of My Husband To Everyone.

Good day ma. I've written to you on two different occasions. I pray that God will continue to give you the wisdom to solve marital problems in Jesus name Amen. I want you to advise me on an issue different from what I've discussed with you. My husband lost his mother when he was three months old. He is the only child of his mother and the first child of his father. He has steps, so his dad's younger sister took him up.
This woman never had a dime in his education but she always made sure his dad paid his bills. This same woman was my physical health education (PHE) teacher in secondary school. Hubby and I are from the same town.
Fast forward to when I met hubby. I discovered she was in total control of his life, she dictates what she wants hubby to do. Hubby wasn't convinent but he didn't want to offend her. I didn't complain to hubby too. After we got married, she still wanted to be in charge of our marriage. She always asked if hubby and I doesn't fight because I have learnt never to discuss my marital issues with anyone.
She authoritatively said we should start attending her church Cherubim and Seraphim (C&S). I agreed but hubby declined. She was so angry. She forced me to, and I had to attend like five times before hubby finally stopped me. I didn't want to join issues with her. She was always sending hubby on an errand anyhow.
After I gave birth, I overheard her telling someone that by fire by force I must join her church, that I cannot be dictating to her. Hubby said he wanted a silent naming, this woman declined. She called my father-in-law not to come. She lied against my parents that they were the ones that asked my hubby to disobey her. Her children insulted my parents and I.
When I couldn't take it anymore, I insulted her children. She went to my father-in-law and lied that I sent messages to her but she couldn't present those messages saying that she already deleted those messages. She almost turned my father-in-law against me.
Ever since I got married to hubby, his father has never poke nosed into our affairs, but this woman wants to know what we do, how we do them and where we go. She wanted to put crosses on my baby's neck and hand but hubby declined. She wanted her pastor to be in charge of our naming but hubby declined. Ever since that naming incident, she refused to pick my calls and my hubby's calls. She tells everyone who cares to listen that I'm the one controlling my husband simply because hubby decided to be a man and not her boy. She saw my parents and didn't greet them even when they greeted her. Hubby said if he hadn't taken that decision not to do the naming in her own way, that I would have a big problem in our marriage forever.
My concern now is that it's seven months now but she won't stop speaking evil of hubby and I to everyone. We get calls everyday from different people about this woman's false accusations against me. But hubby is solidly behind me in this. He said he doesn't want to have anything to do with her for now, that he wants to enjoy his family and marriage. Hubby said he cannot allow her to control his marriage the way he controls other people's home.
Please ma, how can I correct the wrong impression she has given everyone about me? She lied to hubby's step siblings and they all stopped talking to me. Father-in-law doesn't even know she's still fighting us because she lied to him that she has settled with us. Lest I forget, this woman is an evangelist in her church. She's a church minister, she left her matrimonial home few months ago. She doesn't devote time to her husband, rather she peeps into her siblings' marriages. Every member of her church feels she a saint. What should I do ma?

Your husband invested his world to marry you and you came to his family, and you chose to marry your sister-in-law and embarrass your husband everyday. You no longer seek the opinions of your husband, nor consider how your husband feels but you're busy obeying his sister and looking for ways to impress her. Now she's changing you into a gossip and a jobless lady who spend her days listening to tales from a frustrated lady who is looking for a home to destroy. 
When you got married to your husband and discovered the terrain of his family, your first duty and responsibility is to get closer to your husband and protect your husband's need. 
You have no right to attend any church when your husband didn't approve of such. You have no right to worship anyone who is not your husband. She didn't pay your dowry so why are you so worried about her that you are losing your peace of mind? 
Please follow the footsteps and the instructions of your husband and learn to keep your ears off unnecessary gossips. Whatever she told anyone is none of your business, but if they have the courage to attack you, then you will respond to their views.  
You don't need to defend your husband or be friends with everyone. You don't need to correct any impression if your husband hasn't told you to do so. The only impression you must project to all is that you are a married woman who is too busy loving her husband and have no time to spend listening to bitter individuals.
Sometimes you need to keep your enemies busy by ignoring them because the very moment you respond to their antics, you give them more information to work with. 
Please avoid allowing any lady or individual to run your marriage and resist every attempt by this lady to frustrate, intimidate, humiliate you in your marriage, and learn to listen more to your husband than to anyone else. 

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