Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Discovered That My Husband is Gay.

Aunty Amara Good day, may God bless you for saving marriages and relationships. I have written to you before but you didn't get to post it but I hope my post makes it to your timeline this time.

My case goes thus : I found out that my boy friend of three years and husband of three years (six years in total)
is a bisexual or gay using me to cover his track.

I was shattered by this discovery, I have two kids already, I spoke to him about it, he denied it untill I came up with my proof, he was down and apologised , promising to stop but did he stop? NO

I confronted him again this time without proof cos he is already using password on his phone, this time he didn't deny nor admit it. His mother is aware cos I told her but asked her not to talk to him cos I don't want him embarrassed.

You may or may not know the implications of his sexuality in our marriage but I will tell you, he doesn't see me as anything, I don't mean to boast but I am a very pretty lady, light skinned and slim even after two kids. He puts his boys and every other person before me, brings his patners to the house and sleeps with them but that was before my discovery, never sees anything good in what I do, he used to beat me before until my family intervened and lot more that I can't type here, prefers our son to our daughter and this is so glaring.

When I spoke to him about it the second time, I told him he needs to see something wrong in what he is doing so we could seek solution, he told me he isn't seeking solution anywhere cos I suggested he goes for deliverance. When he refused I told him okay but that I won't have sex with him again because from what I have gathered so far homosexuals are at the highest risk of contacting HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases plus the fact that there is a spirit behind his actions and that sex goes beyond the physical. He said if I don't want to have one more baby as we earlier agreed that that's my business.

Aunty my problem now is that I can't discuss this with my family because they may want us to end the marriage, and trully I want out but my constraints are much

His reputation is astake cos he is a very popular person

His business

The stigma it will bring to me and my kids

Am a graduate but no work yet

He might want to harm me for bringing his secret to light

We are from the same town and our houses are not far apart

But if I decide to stay, how long will I be able to cope without sex, am 26 years, he is the only man have known sexually.

What do I do? I have prayed and prayed yet nothing.

Yes he takes care of us in the little way he can, one can say we are comfortable.

We live in a time and season where anyone can choose their sexual orientation and perception and decide to live with it for the rest of his life. 
Fundamentally your marriage was established on a faulty foundation of deception because he decided to hide his sexual orientation from you before getting married to you. This a valid ground for divorce. 
You decided to help him and perhaps support him for a rehabilitation but he seems comfortable with his sexual orientation which is very very dangerous to your marriage and your health. 
Just like you already listed in your mail, you will be exposed to sexually transmitted infections which includes HIV, herpes, gonorrhoea and spiritual manipulations. 
I wish I could encourage you to pray but I'm more worried about your health and the safety of your son in particular. I don't want to scare you but gays and bisexuals have the tendency of raping anything that has a buttocks attached to it.
According to you, you're worried about his reputation, business and the stigma that may come with your decision, but I'm going to ask you one question, can you endure this for the rest of your life?? 
Since he is already addicted to gay, and he doesn't see anything wrong with his sexual orientation, I don't think that you can influence him to change except if God intervenes in his life.
If you know that you don't have the emotional capacity to manage this unpalatable reality in your marriage, if you know that you cannot endure the humiliation that comes with his personal relationship with you, and you know that you cannot tolerate or manage his sexual preference, please consider separating from him and then give him some time to decide what is more important to him at this point in your marriage. 
You don't need to inform anyone about what you are going through until the end of the separation phase, but make sure that you inform your husband and let him know in clear terms what you can cope with and how you feel about everything. 
If after the separation time he doesn't make any commitment towards seeking for a therapy or rehabilitation, please you may need to do the inevitable for the sake of your health and your happiness. 
In the interim always insist on using protection for every sexual intercourse you have with him, buy a carton of condom, the expensive ones that has greater durability, and make sure that you cover his penis with one condom before penetration. 
If you feel that you still want a child with him, please go for in-vitro fertilisation to avoid contracting sexually transmitted infections. 
Remember, this has absolutely nothing to do with prayers and fasting but it has to do with your husband either sacrificing his sexual orientation for the sake of your marriage or you may need to consider divorce.
I am so devastated by your mail, and I don't wish that you live in bondage because of what some individuals will say about your decision. 
He may be rich and handsome, but if you are no longer happy with him, of what benefit is his riches? This is your journey, this is your life, please if you can't cope, please use the door.

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