Monday, April 10, 2017

How Do I Help A Confused Man?

Good morning ma, I have been dating this guy for five months now. Though when my friend was connecting me with him, I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. I have had good turned bad relationship in the past. We started as friends and the love came naturally. He once told me "I'm not dating you to leave you, but to marry you" and suddenly his maternal aunties started complaining about my tribe (I'm Idoma) and he is from the Niger-Delta part while his mum is from middle belt. I don't want to specify the States due to confidentiality. They kept telling him my people are too tribalistic and too traditional. I told him, you can't listen to them because if they have had experiences, have they experienced me or my family? I told him to go ahead to do a research about me and  my family, maybe it will help him. The answer I got from him was that, he only knows my friend who connected us.
I decided to put it into prayer and fasting which I have been doing over a month now. He complained about tight schedule at work (he works in a bank), I understood and decided we should talk after work. I work with one of the Nigerian Federal University. We were ok with the calls and all, we see each other once a week, mostly Sundays, for about four hours.
Recently, the calls reduced, when I complained to my friend who connected us, she called him and he told her I do not understand his job, that I think it's like mine that I close by 4pm, sometimes calls are frustrating and he has a lot on his mind.
He is just trying to use his work as an excuse but I know too well that he is only confused, not to hurt me and please his aunties or please his aunties and hurt me.
I don't know what to do. I have tried to talk to him about the matter but he said I should not bring it up. I'm 28 years old.
This is someone I love not minding the way he struggles to survive, not minding he's an orphan, not minding he doesn't spoil me, not minding he will make it. I encourage him a lot and I don't know what to do. Please help!
Help a confused sister.

Never be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel like a victim, it's just not what a relationship ought to be. 
You love him because you love him, whether he's struggling, an orphan, poor, or naive is not the major issue here, the true reality is that you love him, and that's enough for our counseling purposes.. Lol 
So coming to his attitude to you, if you feel that he's confused about who he wants, please give him some space and stop imposing yourself on him. 
Many times the best way to help the confused is by giving them enough space, and time to decide what they really need in life. 
If he's really interested in you and in love with you, he will definitely improve on his communication skills irrespective of his tight schedules, but if he's unable to reach out to you after sixty days, perhaps the relationship is dead and you may as well bid him goodbye.

1 comment:

  1. WOW!!!
    This is the most wonderful thing i have ever experience and i need to share this great testimony.
    About how i get my ex back after a breakup.
    I never believed it, because i never heard nor learn anything about it before.
    Hey guys my wife and I have been married for 15 years. For over five years I have been dealing with jealousy issues because of flirting and her having emotional type affairs with other men. I felt like my masculinity was in question and if I said the way she was acting bothered me, it seemed to make matters worse or I was accused of being controling. During this period I did state I wanted a divorce if the behavior was not going to end: texting men a night, leaving for the weekend without letting me know where she was going or not responding to messages. We do have a son and basically it's been him and I for the last year on the weekends. She disconnected completely from being a good wife and mother. In April she said she wanted a separation and I said no we need to get into marriage counseling. We did try that, but she was not very responsive and didn't give any effort. Afterward she was adamant about separation and divorce. I continued to say no and that we needed to save our family. She presented a separation agreement and I had to hire a lawyer. Because of the above behavior my lawyer suggested a private investigator. The investigator discovered my wife was having an affair with a close friend of the family who also is married with children. We know the extended families. I feel like I should tell this man's wife about what happened. This adultery has devastated me emotionally, I feel betrayed and I'm physically drained. I know my wife is passionate in terms of her sexuality, and I can't get the thought of them out of my head. It makes me question my own manhood, and I feel very inferior or that he must be a better lover or what ever. The problem is my wife pursued him. She would go to him and she lured him into this adultery. I felt this was coming for some time and could not stop it. She was not only lying to me but also to our son about what she was doing and where she was going. My family is important, my son loves her and as crazy as it sounds so do I. Can you respond with a course of action on how to proceed? I was still have a very huge place in my heart for her. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my wife came to me and apologized for the wrongs she did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I, my son and my wife are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: or call/Whats-app: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home and change of grades its 100% safe. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.
    David L. Ollis, 43yrs, UK


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