Married or Single?

My Dear Brothers,

I decided to say this today because it’s getting out of hand, especially among Nigerian men. I know you won’t like me for this, but it’s okay; I’m used to not being liked...LOL. 

It is 100% wrong, unacceptable, and demeaning to your partner in marriage or in a relationship for you to flirt with every woman you see. Watch your actions on social media. Watch the kind of comments you throw out on pictures of other women. Watch the kind of chats you engage in via WhatsApp and co. Watch the way you stray into their inbox with the compliments. Some of the foolish girls even send you their nude pictures and all that. What do you think their intentions are? 

Watch! Watch! Watch! 

Man or woman, there is a limit to freedom once you become married or in a serious relationship. Yes, you don’t have to lose your individuality, but you will definitely lose some of it. You cannot be married and keep living single. You are either married or single, except you and your wife agreed to an open relationship. Don’t tell me you do nothing with them; you are doing everything with them and publicly disrespecting your spouse. I know what this does to a woman because I was once there and I am happy I took myself out of the mess. It turns a woman to a laughing stock among her peers. Don’t you have the word ‘shameful’ in your dictionary? 

Change your ways!

Show some respect to your woman! 

Be married or stay single!

Letter to My Single Sisters

My Dear Sisters,

Some of you may not like me after reading this and some of you will get more confused afterwards as some will try to talk you out of it. But I just have to, as usual, be honest with you because that was my dad’s last word to me before he passed. 

You all know I care so much about you and desire the best for you. Like I always say, marriage is the most beautiful institution on earth. But you have to make sure that you are ready for it and that your would-be-spouse is ready for it. 

I get messages from you asking for prayers to be married or to link you up with a guy. Yes, there are guys waiting for me to matchmake them with a good woman, but it’s been difficult for me. 

Some of you need to take better care of yourselves. When I say ‘take better care of yourselves’, I am not talking about expensive clothes, body cream, and all that. I am talking about you being more in touch with yourself and the environment and using what you have to look good. You cannot be eating like there’s no tomorrow and expect to look good. Eat right. Your tummy cannot be like that and you see it as no big deal. That’s a turn-off for many. 

You cannot be drinking whatever you see and expect to look good. Some of you ask to know what I use on my skin, it’s the things that are available in my kitchen - coffee, honey, sugar, lemon/lime, egg, vinegar milk, chocolate, coconut oil, turmeric, tomatoes... I do not drink alcohol and rarely put soda drinks in my mouth. My drinks are water, coconut water, and freshly made juices and smoothies, and some of my colleagues at work laugh and make mockery of me for that. You can pour all the makeup on your skin but what makes you beautiful is your ability to step out of your home with no foundation on your skin and be admired. Spend more nourishing your skin from the inside out than on makeup. Left for me, makeup manufacturers will close business. 

You cannot be so bitter inside and expect to look good. Hatred, jealousy, and bitterness dry the bones, but a merry heart does good like medicine. You cannot live in unhealthy competition with others and hope to look good. You need to release yourself!

What about your friends? Show me your friends and I will tell you exactly who you are. It’s never wise to go in a chimney while you have white on. I love and care about everyone, but I choose my godly friends and they are just a few and mostly older and wiser than I am. My life is more peaceful that way. Being the face of every party in town and buying “asoebi” every weekend isn’t life. Maybe that’s what fills the empty void in those your friends; is that what will make you fulfilled? What’s your reason for having friends? If your friends don’t help your relationship with God and make you a better person, you don’t need them. 

How do you treat others? Being rude and arrogant does not make you westernized. Using all the ghetto and filthy words does not make you a superwoman. Insulting men all over social media makes you a fool. There is power in your gentility and femininity. You need to guard it with everything you have because that’s where your natural power is. Some of you have lost your glory of womanhood and I pray that God restores it to you. Make it a prayer point today. 

A little more education may help. I am not talking about you enrolling in school. I want you to self-educate yourself. I am not like this because I have a master’s degree; I am like this because I read a lot. Yes, readers are leaders. Instead of wasting your data reading gossip about others, spend it reading meaningful articles and finding answers to those questions you have. Instead of spending too much on some useless things, spend it on books. Brush yourself up; it’s very easy. 

Above all, beloved sisters, there’s something that only the person of the Holy Spirit can do in you. You cannot be that person you truly desire to be without Him. Stop allowing society ladies and celebrities fool you. A good number of them have no peace within. Stop being fooled by the edited pictures you see. Stop getting carried away by rented clothes they wear. Stop envying riches they get from prostitution, occultism, and adultery. Stop being carried away by things they buy with the last money in their bank account, ordinary people out there are often richer than they are. Seek peace with your inner man through the Holy Spirit. Spend time with God and you will see Him renew you daily. Be filled with the joy of the Lord. Be content with whatever you have today. 

Instead of spending time finding men, spend time finding favor with God and when that man finds you, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from God. 

I love you all 

Amara. 

Barren Relationships

BARREN RELATIONSHIPS..

That relationship that

makes you complain all the time, to the point that all your friends and family members know you for that;

makes you cry to sleep all the time because of what the person you are dating does to you and it thereby robs you of peace;

makes you afraid that you will get hurt or hurt yourself or come to sudden harm;

makes you feel depressed and suicidal for a very long time;

makes you compare yourself with other people and makes you push yourself to certain limits just to do things that will appeal to or pacify somebody all the time;

makes you keep adjusting and amending your lifestyle just to suit their fansies;

makes you keep seeking for advice and counsels about how to resolve different kinds of issues;

makes you come before God with guilt all the time and makes you look like a bad sheep before your family members;

is nothing but a barren relationship.

Do you still intend to keep working on it, hoping it will have a turn around and maybe get better?

Why didn't Jesus command that barren tree to bear fruits instead of laying a curse on it? Is it that he hadn't the power to do it? This is someone who made stones ooze out water and made a burning bush to stay unscathed. What will be hard to make a fruitless tree bear fruit? Instead he cursed it and the tree withered by the next day. As the Creator, He believed the tree has had its chance to yield fruit and has till that moment remained unfruitful. So He did away with it!!!

This is what you should do if you are in a fruitless relationship... Matt 3:10 "and now the axe is laid at the fruit of the tree. Any tree that does not bear fruit, is cut down and cast into the furnace."

I am not saying you should not give those relationships chance to get better. You can. But don't over pamper them. If they are just not working and you are getting overworked, instead of waiting for results that aren't forthcoming, TAKE IT DOWN AND WALK ON.

My Girlfriend Doesn't Love me Anymore.

Ma, I discovered my girlfriend doesn't love me again. There's this guy that has been disturbing her, I embarrassed courtesy by going through her phone and I discovered she's responding very well to the guy. She has even given him a pet name, though the guy is residing in another state. When she was telling me about the guy, she said she met him on transit from the east.

How Do I Prevent Him from Having Access to my Son?

Greetings to you ma, please I really need your advice. I met a guy last two years through his elder sister, the guy promised to marry me, and came to my house and paid some dues and got me pregnant. I had a male child, and he abandoned me and the baby. I have been the one taking care of my baby's upkeep with the help of my parents. 

He refused to complete the bride price and the wedding.

He told me that he's based in London but I just found out that

Psychologically Unstable: How Do I Move on Without Him?

Aunty Amara, good morning. I'm a big fan of your page, please I need help.

I'm literally going crazy.

I met this guy on Facebook in 2015 ending... He finished from the secondary school I did JSS1-3. He's quite older than I am, like say I'm 21 now and he's 36. He's actually a nice, loving and caring guy. I initially didn't want to give my all In since it was just a Facebook friend. (I wasn't in the country as of then) and he called everyday and night.. That kind of persistency, I gave in about five months later... I fell madly in love with this guy despite the distance, he was on and serious for marriage and I was just 17+ and in medical school, he said he was going to wait,... 

Now the major problem, I'm Yoruba while he's Igbo. I'm Redeemed and he's Catholic... 

Should I Marry the First Man or Give the Second Man a Chance?

Good day ma, my sincere apologies if this is not the right platform for this, I don't know how else to get to you. 

I have been in a relationship with a good man for two years and some months. Now he is asking for my hand in marriage but I am being stubborn about it, because he is based outside the country and I don't want to marry someone who is not in the country.

I'm Stigmatized Because of my Blood Genotype.

Please I need your advise.....

I am 29 years old, I have relationship issue. I'm being stigmatized because of my health status. I am a sickle cell warrior, anytime I disclose my health status to guys in my past relationships, they changed their attitude towards me which leads to break up. 

Six Categories of Individuals you Shouldn't Consider for a Serious Relationship.

Love/relationship makes you extremely vulnerable, because in your bid to connect with your partner or build a relationship with your partner, you will definitely reveal the good, crazy and the weak aspect of your personality.

This is why you must be extremely careful when choosing who to love or date.

To help you avoid wasting your time, emotion and resources, here are the six categories of individuals you shouldn't consider for a serious relationship that may lead to marriage. 

 1. Religious Dummies. 

In your best interest, you may wish to avoid dating a religious dummy. These are the kind of people that their pastor makes decision for, from what to wear to how to use their brain. 

They are so attached to their religious obligations or leader that they find it difficult to make any decision without consulting them. 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being devoted to a church/mosque or having a personal relationship with God, but when an individual is unable to make a personal decision without consulting or wholly depending on leaders, then there is a high tendency of being manipulated by those they confide in.

Should I Dump my Girlfriend for not Being Good in Bed?

Good evening house and madam.

My ex broke up with me without any reason. 

I had no choice but to move on.

My problem now is my present girlfriend, she is beautiful, tall and has good shape but not good in bed and also not romantic at all.

Is a Lady's Natural Endowment a Significant Consideration in Marriage?

Good evening madam, thank you for changing life over the years. Please help me with this. I met a girl in December last year in the village. We are separately staying out of our state. She is good character wise, as far as I know.

But I have one concern and that is her natural endowment.

How Do I Tell Her that She in my Wife?

Please madam, how are you? Hope you're okay. I have a little problem.

l am a guy who believes in righteousness and holiness, honesty and equally with the gift of dreaming.

I started my first relationship some years back around 2012, but as I was praying over that, God was not conceding to it. In fact, God was warning me seriously in my dreams to quit it. I began to ask God question why, he revealed to me three times in one night the reason, then I left. It was just six months relationship.

I began to pray again, now I asked God to bring His own choice through His normal revelation to me, and I saw a young lady which I know in my usual revelation. Then I began the process of confirming my prayers and uncountable times in my dreams, God said I should go.

Are my Actions Towards Him Appropriate?

Good evening ma, please I am lead to share this with you and also get a direction from you if am doing the right thing. I have been reading your post and love how you guide people right..

I am a lady of 26 years old, I have been in a relationship, for four years now, with a man of 30 years old. Though during our second year of relationship, he wanted to come and see my people but my family suggested he hold on first till when we get a job so that we can be fully be prepared for what we are going into..which he agreed.

Something happened last three months ago; when I went to visit him, I saw lady's properties in his house; which ever since we have been dating, I have never dropped my clothes or bags in his house not for anything.

How Do I Tell my Girlfriend that I Got Another Lady Pregnant?

I'm a guy of 30, I have this girl that I have dated for about a year and eight months now.... And from the very time we had intercourse,..we haven't used protection for once, that's because both us went for all the necessary test and it was all successful.

From then we trusted each other....but what baffled me was that since then, she haven't missed her period for once..... It got to a time I became worried over the situation,...

Rejoinder; Please Talk to my Boyfriend!

Good day ma, I saw this post (please-talk-to-my-boyfriend) on your wall and I believe am the one involved in this..
This is my own story. I pray It gets posted...... My girlfriend has said her side of the story.

Ma'am these all started in 2015 during her Industrial Training (IT) where against my advice of learning bead and wireworks which her sister does, she opted to work where she's paid ₦10000.