Monday, July 27, 2015

Ingredients for a Happy Home

Everybody wants to get married; everyone is dreaming of that fairy tale wedding; everyone wants to have the best honeymoon ever. We find ourselves getting ready and preparing for these things that mean little or nothing while ignoring the most important thing. We prepare for weddings and choose honeymoon destinations without preparing ourselves for marriage. 

Many believe that marriage is simply about 'I love her, she lives me and so we are getting married'. Marriage is a very serious business meant for adults alone. When I say adults, I am not talking about age because some forty years olds are not more than fifteen years emotionally.

Now, let me tell you those things you must do if truly you want to be married and enjoy your marriage.

 To leave doesn't mean to cut off all ties; it means to secure your independence from your household of origin. A good number of married couples have never stopped depending on their parents or on those who raised them. Many people are married but they are still "daddy's girl" or "mummy's boy". 

In leaving, you form a new family unit; you are not merely an extension of someone's family. It's sad to see parents of today still wanting and struggling to live their children's lives for them. Have you noticed the trend lately? Wedding is now about parents and their friends instead of young couples and their friends. We no longer see couples and their friends during weddings; all you see are their parents.

 Parents still want their children to keep running back to and depending on them even after marriage. Parents used to raise children to stand on their two feet and become greater but today's parents raise children to come behind them. What a sorry state. You must be an adult and leave your parents if you want to enjoy your marriage. Mummy shouldn't come in to decide how many children you should have or what kind of vehicle you have to buy for your wife. She will someday tell you what sex position you should stick to. 

 You must stick with your spouse at all times. You must make up your mind to stand with him or her when the going gets rough. Many women are married but they still retain their room in daddy's house. Many women, as a result of stories of abuse from men and ungodly counsel, have resorted to building their father's house instead of building with their husband. Many lie and steal from their husband for their father's house.

 Many married men have acquired properties in the name of their siblings instead of their wife. You don't trust her to keep everything you have; you believe she will transfer it to another man once you are gone; negative stories you hear have made you do things the wrong way. And who says you must go before her? Haven't you seen wives die before husbands? Haven't you seen the young die before the old? Why do you eat from a woman you don't trust? Why do you go to bed at night with a man you don't trust? 

Marriage is a beautiful union where stupidity is sometimes required. If you want to be too smart, you may never enjoy your home. 

Be physically intimate
 What's the level of your intimacy with your spouse? Does your body truly belong to him/her? When was the last time you hugged each other? When was the last time you looked into the eyes of your wife to tell her how much she means to you? 

I keep saying this: your marriage grows old, not because of the number of years, it begins to grow old the very day you stop dating and courting your spouse. Never let that fire of love and intimacy die down. Don't allow children, God's blessings, to keep you from enjoying the love God has given you. You should have a weekend with your spouse, at least once every month, away from the kids. Stop seeing him as 'Papa Nkechi'; never see her as 'Mama Ngozi', she should remain your baby girl and he should be your lover boy.

Become transparent
Ours is a generation where love is professed with nothing to show for it. Is that person truly a part of your life? You cannot tell me you are one with your spouse when he or she doesn't know what you own. You cannot be one with someone who doesn't know how much you earn? You cannot be one with that person and hide your bank and property details away from him or her. True love is about transparency. 

Many act married but the truth is that they are just cohabiting with each other. They are just two good actors under one roof. Be careful who you choose as model for your marriage. I am one with my husband and he must know whatever I own and whatever I do because when push comes to shove, that's the same person who would go through it with me. Never hide things from your spouse. If you have a reason to not be transparent with him or her, discuss it and if you are the type that cannot trust your spouse because of mistakes of another (your ex or a friend's spouse), you have no business being in the marriage with that person.

Fulfill your responsibilities
 Husbands, love; wives, submit. You cannot love your wife without providing. Mind you; in providing, you don't have to go beyond your limit just to please her and this is why you should be transparent. Many wives ask for more than you can afford because you keep them in the dark. They hear you talk millions daily without knowing how the transactions take place. She sees you leave for work everyday and because she doesn't even know how much you earn, she expects you to break the bank vault for her. You should make your wife a part of your business and source of income. Women are not too difficult if you truly understand them. 

Madam, you cannot keep shouting 'I love my husband' when you don't know what submission is. You get upset each time that word is mentioned. If the mention of that word offends you, please don't ask to be loved by your man. There is no better way to show love to your husband than through submission, God's own way.

 It's easier for a man to be a man when his wife honors him. If you want him to see the queen in you, please bring out the king in him. Many men have ceased being men simply because of the numerous negative words they get from their wives daily. He wakes up beside a woman who calls him 'useless' and reminds him how much of a failure he is. What makes you think that he will go out you conquer his world? So many great destinies have been truncated as a result of negative words. I am not saying you shouldn't push him to action if he is the type that procrastinates and is afraid to take a step; you should push and stir him up. But be careful not to go overboard. Be a wise woman.

Don't make him lose his manhood simply because he is married to you. Be his source of strength and inspiration. He should be inspired just by remembering that you are in his life.

 Sir, don't make her lose the spark in her eyes just because she's married to a dictator. If you want to know how happy and fulfilled a woman is, look into her eyes. And sir; don't let another man do that for you; look into her eyes daily and assure her of your undying love for her. Women need words, sweet words to thrive. For a man to get the heart and attention of a woman, there is something he says that no other person says to her. 

Be the man for her; be the woman for him.


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)