Wednesday, July 15, 2015

My heart is shattered, please help!

Hi Aunt Amara, I am 23 years old and I am from a polygamous family where there is always problems here and there. 
My step mum is very diabolic and doesn't want my progress or the progress of my siblings. I am a christian, I pray and I love God but then I have this problem; Whenever I get into a relationship, I'd always end up getting hurt. 
Even when I say I won't date again, I still fall for the wrong guys who come like angels. 
My heart has been broken and shattered, all I needed was someone who would love and respect me, someone who I'd love too and spend the rest of my life with. 
I really want this cos am the only daughter of my mum and she is getting older and I really want her to see my kids, *tears* my dad is late and my mum is all I have and I want her to be proud of me. 
My mind is filled with tears as am typing this cos I have been nothing but humble, nice, truthful and caring to men but they keep lying they love me and in the end, I'd feel used. Recently, I met someone who has almost all I wished for in a man. He told me he cared, he said he would try his best not to hurt me but then I feel so used cos he shows no serious interest. 
The last time I went to his place, I saw nail polish, a female ring and earrings. He also went to church without me. 
Even when I cook, clean and do everything, he doesn't show appreciation. He is not rude to me but then I feel hurt because I really do love him. 
I have tried talking to him, he said there is no one, that he used to have though. 
When he drove me back to school, I tried finding out why he didn't want me to go to church with him, he told me he was already running late. I tried arguing, he got pissed then I just apologised and he left. He only called me once today since Sunday that he dropped me off but I didn't pick cos it's as if am just his side chick. 
I don't know if he is this way cos he has someone or cos he thinks I nag or cos he is not yet sure what he wants from me. am not a nag but little things hurt me and most times I ask plenty questions but in a polite way and when that happens he becomes sarcastic in answering. 
I dont know if I should just stop taking his calls and quit talking to him. What is the best way? please pardon the length of this message and just try to understand it please reply cos I am really down and sick.

Dear sender,
In as much as I empathize with you, I found it difficult to understand why you feel your step mum is behind your woes in life when you pray and fast and go to church as you stated?
Perhaps you need to get it right that nobody has the power to harm you without your permission which in this case is fear.
You are busy looking for a man who has the qualities of a rich, perfect, caring and romantic gentle man for marriage but you have no idea whether you have the qualities that they are looking for in a wife they desire to marry.
He who is expecting a visitor must first put his house in order.
That you cook, wash and offer your body for him in all humility will not make any man consider marriage with a lady.
How about you give a break from relationship with a man and focus on getting it right with God first and yourself next.
What if nobody is helping you with school fees and needs, what can you do with your hands to generate wealth?
What are you skillful with in life?
What do you hope to accomplish when you graduate from school or is marriage all there is to your existence?
Please now is the best time and privilege to equip yourself with the virtues and skills that will make you an exceptional lady that every man would desire to marry.
Make your life so rich in value that any man who comes close to you cannot spend a day without thinking about how to get married to you.
Any lady can offer sex to a man but only a lady of virtue can make a man desire to offer his life to make her happy.
Love comes to those who do not reduce their value by offering their services free but to those who have so much to offer in life that anyone who meet them would have many reasons to thank God for life and for love.


  1. Why will ladies put their hope and trust on guys? If relationship is not working for you then you have to give it a break, do not be desperate to get married as soon as possible there are other thing ahead of you not only relationship/Marriage, you have to hustle face your studies and become a standard woman believe me men will come knocking on your door. #Ella

  2. And i don't even know why you involved the poor old woman in your predicament...
    A girl of 23 who hasn't even experienced life talking like a frustrated 59 year old single lady that is about to die...
    You have built your life around marriage....Instead of developing yourself, you have made yourself a Head of Service...Assuming the duties of a wife does not make you a wife...There's no much difference between you and a househelp...
    Where is your self esteem? Where is your prestige? You have traded them on the platform of desperation and now you want to involve the poor old woman in this need to be flogged..
    You need to wake up....Rise above this self deceit and face are way too young to talk like have a lot of opportunuties ahead of you...don't force yourself into on your attitude...
    Do not be moved by what you see other lovers do not know their story...we all have different fates and destinies...Strive to locate yours and walk on the right path...calm down

    1. I wanted to say something but Joseph said my mind,i wonder what's wrond with dis little girl...dear poster pls stop playing wifey and focus on yourself, at ur age u should be thinking of developing urself and that's d proudness u will give ur mom and not kids.

  3. You cook, wash and perform virtually all the duties of a wife and you want him to be serious with you. How do you expect a man to buy a meat from the market when he is getting it free from somewhere. Give him some break and focus on your studies.


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