Saturday, July 4, 2015

Should I agree on his terms?

Good evening ma! I have been seeing your good works, God bless you!
Am a girl of 25 years old and there is this guy i met on facebook last year September ( we are from the same village) but he lives in Lagos State. On last year's christmas, he came down to village and i introduced him to my parents as a casual friend and we started dating. 
Few months ago, he proposed to me and after some weeks, i accepted because he is the type i have longed for. He's planning to come and pay my dowry by August and do the traditional marriage on or before December. 
But anytime we will be talking or chatting on phone, all his intention is that I will be pregnant before the traditional marriage but my problem is that i don't want to be pregnant by now cos of school stress and am still studying Bio-Chemistry in a Nigerian University and will be graduating by next year June or July. And i don't want to sleep with him until after our wedding by next year Febuary (as he is planning). 
But my friends were telling me that once a man paid a woman's dowry, he (the man) has every access of the woman. He will be coming down by next week to visit me in school so that we can discuss one thing or the other before the date will be scheduled. Please what can I do?? Should i let him go or agree on his term???
Dear sender,
When you go shopping for something and you pay for the good you have seen and cherish, nobody will either harrass you for stealing or deny you of the goods simply because you have paid for it whether it needs to be wrapped up or flown to another location is entirely the decision of the owner.
That is how it is spiritually when a man has paid the bride prize and has fulfilled the traditional requirements to marry a lady.
If he decides to go for wedding or church blessings, its entirely the decision of the individual involved and their agreement.
Take your time to share your concerns with him and listen to his opinions about your experience in school.
And remember until he has fulfilled the traditional rites, you don't owe him anything.
Do well to discuss this in details with him and let him know what you can do and cannot endure.
Agree with him so that you won't be under pressure or feel choked because he is demanding one thing and you couldn't offer the other.
If at the end of the day, you feel that you cannot cope with his demands or his plans for you and the marriage, please do well to let him know and allow him to decide whether to wait for you or to move on.
Prepare yourself emotionally, spiritually and psychologically for marriage and use this opportunity to pray and ask God for wisdom, understanding and the virtues to bring out the very best in your home and also prosper in your endeavours.
Read also married without white wedding ? 


  1. Dear poster, if he fulfilled the traditional rights then you're fully his wife. You have to make him understand that is will not be easy for you becoming pregnant now because you're still in school. #Ella

  2. He is coming to see u in school, do not allow him to hv sex wit u until he has paid ur bride's price as for ur getting pregnant dat one is in God's hand.


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