Thursday, August 20, 2015

How to Be a Real Man in Marriage

God has commanded a woman to be submissive to her own husband. I am one of those who believe that obedience to the word of God must be unconditional. I believe we have to obey and trust God at all times. But I also know that we are all human and we require some form of encouragement to keep doing the right thing.

What am I trying yo say? 
My dear brothers, you need to wake up and help women. A wise woman builds her home; yes, but no matter how hard she tries to build a strong home, there will be no strong home until you are committed to making it work. Wake up and take your place in our lives. If she wants a home, but you are busy sleeping with everything in skirt, what makes you think she'll have the home she desires?

 How easy is it for a woman to submit to a man who does nothing else other than remind her that he married her with his money? How submissive would she be to a man who constantly reminds her of his headship in the home? It's even surprising to see
men in this our generation telling a woman to shut up as she should only be seen and never heard.

Hear this; if you are in the habit of reminding your wife and putting it on her face that you are the head of your home, it says just one thing- he is yet to become the head indeed. 

When a man is truly the head of his home, even a little child entering the home for the first time will know that there is order. There will be so much peace and serenity in that home. When you are being piloted by a man who knows how to do the take off and landing, you are relaxed. But when you know that this pilot cannot lead you safely to your destination, there is bound to be panic and chaos.

 Husband, father, do your children and wife have faith in you? Do they see themselves arriving their destination safely with daddy as the head? Their lack of faith in you could be the reason they are not submissive to you. 

Are you one of those who want to be respected when they don't even know what it means for one to respect himself? Sir, you don't earn respect by being bossy and aggressive. Respect flows naturally from people to you when they see that you deserve it.

 Don't think your wife respects you simply because she becomes a zombie each time she is around you. I marvel when I see a wife become her real self just because her man is nowhere around her. 

Sir, don't fool yourself into believing that you know your wife if you are not her friend. Have you wondered why some women love it when their husband is out of town? Did you know that a good number of women pray for the boss (husband) to travel and stay away for months? Now you know.

You call her your wife but you don't know how much her bra is. And you have the audacity to complain about your wife not being fashionable. Sir, those women you see and admire on pages of magazines look that way because they are well taken care of. Spend money on your wife; she is your glory. 

What am I not saying? I am not saying she has to be 100% dependent on you. But sir, no matter how independent or rich a woman is, she longs for a man who will do those little things for her. When was the last time you saw a beautiful dress and bought it for your wife?

 You remind her you are the head; a head that she cannot trust to cover her nakedness? You admire all the beautiful women out there but you refuse to make your wife to be admired by other men. 

Sir, if you have not married your wife to the point that she becomes the envy of her fellow women and the admiration of your fellow men, you have failed. If people have not started saying that she has "given you vegetable", you are not there. Even the strongest man becomes weak in the arms of a woman he truly loves. 

Don't let your very low self-esteem destroy a woman you claim to love (that is if you married her for love and not for your aged mother to see her grandchildren). You cannot tell her to see you as the head when you don't love her like your own body. 

Some men are selfish to the point that they pamper themselves and do everything possible to look good, but their wife shouldn't talk about enjoying her life. Men like this often make sure that there is no money with the woman. If he sees her with 20k, he must make sure that it leaves her hand; this is injustice. You can be the chief elder in church, heaven is still very far from you. 

When was the last time you appreciated her cooking? My people say that "etoo dike na nke omere, omee ozo" (when you praise a strong man for what he's done, he does more). When was the last time you praised her for keeping the home in order? The Proverbs 31 woman was constantly praised by her husband. Stop reminding her of the attributes of the Proverbs 31 woman, look and see that her husband is in the habit of praising her. Your woman needs that oil of praise to keep running effectively. 

She doesn't have a child yet and so you go around misbehaving with your fellow "foolish boys". Sometimes when she wants some cuddling from you, you see it as a waste of your precious time and semen; may God have mercy on you. Do you know how helpless she feels? Don't you know that she depends so much on your encouragement and love to carry on? Are you aware that it will be tough getting pregnant and keeping it when she is under stress? Everybody is on her for a child and you who should be standing by her is now standing against her. Think again!

Today you are beating and battering her. She is taking it because she is hopeful that a day of reckoning is coming. Even if she doesn't retaliate, her children are watching and they will fight for their mother someday when your strength is no more. Wondering why some children ignore their father at old age? Sir, look for the black goat now that it's still day. 

My brothers abroad, I know so many of our women are nasty. I know so many get influenced by a foreign culture which they don't even understand. But I also know that a good number of good women were pushed into it by your own attitude. How do you expect a woman to respect you when you contribute nothing to her life? Sure she can get a bedmate who warms her bed  if that is all she needs. Sure she can have a man to make babies with if that's all she wants. 

Even when she never wanted to become a nurse, you forced her into it simply because you want a machine to be vomiting money for the lazy you. When you took her to your foreign land, you were in the habit of constantly harassing her with your paper. You always threatened to divorce her and stop her from getting her own papers. You brought girls into the home and ordered her to keep quiet. She was working illegally and you were busy collecting it from your slave because the few times she tried to complain, you reminded her that she would be jailed. She was swallowing all your bitter pills just for things to work out. Now she has her papers; what do you think will happen? 

You are no longer an African man simply because you are over there and you still expect her to be that cultured African woman? It takes two to tango bro. If you like that foreign culture, accept it in totality and go learn how to cook, serve dinner, and change diaper. 

If you fail in your responsibility as a man, please don't blame the woman. To be a real man, you must love, provide, and protect.

 If you cannot do any of this and you desire to do it, God sees your heart and your wife knows how much you love her. I know she prays for you to be blessed. I pray that God who sees your heart makes a way for you to become all what you desire to become for your wife. But when you cannot do these things and you are there, even on social media, defending your inadequacy, my brother, some psychological help is necessary. It's obvious we are getting closer to that time when women begin to see no reason to be married. The family unit is in trouble. 

The most annoying part is when a woman works tirelessly to make up for the man's inadequacy and at the same time, the man makes life difficult for her. Her role is to run the home with the money you provide. But because you have failed in your own role, she has stepped out of hers into yours. The best you can do is to encourage her by your actions and words. You also shouldn't expect her to be normal at all times because you have given her something bigger than her to carry. Men are known to carry financial stress, but when a woman begins to carry that stress for you, you shouldn't expect her to be a normal woman at all times. 

Do you know what it means to shout at and talk down on her all through the day only to want her at night? She works her life out taking care of the children, the home, and her small business. She closes from work and rushes home to cook only for you to come home and refuse to eat the food and even when you eat it, no appreciation. This can kill a woman. You don't show her love throughout the day but you want her to become a "Sharon Stone" at night. Sir, you are deceiving yourself. It's garbage in, garbage out.

 Mothers, our men are losing it, let us start raising our boys to be real men who know what it means to be a man. To be a man has never been and will never be a day's job. Just because you have the two nuts dangling between your legs doesn't mean you are a man; there is more to being a man than just marrying a woman and having children.

 Parents, please raise your children to have very high self-esteem. No man with high self-esteem raises hand on a woman. It's only a mad man who beats his own body. Sir, your wife is your body, your glory; why then do you batter her?

 It all starts in the home. Raise your children to know how fellow human beings should be loved and respected. Raise your sons not to accept this school of thought saying a woman should take care of the man. A woman is a help mate, not the major provider. If things are better for her, fine, but she must not accept that role from day one. And if you want her to gladly step into that shoe (she should) when you are down, make sure she feels your love when you are up. 

Stop being a woman; go till the ground. 


  1. You know that God inspired you. Am telling you, any man that feels offended is a bad man. This is too real as if you took a survey before writing. A wise man will quickly adjust. Passing this piece to my brothersASAP. Thank you sis

  2. Wow,this is really good write up for the men!!!
    Good work,more grace!

  3. Always on Point, Aunt Amara, do you know I've become addicted to your page, can't go a day without reading through your page, even when am writing my exams. Am learning a lot from you, even my friends as well, cus I do post some on my facebook wall. On a good day, I will share my testimony with you. Thanks a lot Ma'am. may God in His infinite mercy continue to guide, guard and direct you. I will always celebrate you. All the best.

  4. Always on Point, Aunt Amara, do you know I've become addicted to your page, can't go a day without reading through your page, even when am writing my exams. Am learning a lot from you, even my friends as well, cus I do post some on my facebook wall. On a good day, I will share my testimony with you. Thanks a lot Ma'am. may God in His infinite mercy continue to guide, guard and direct you. I will always celebrate you. All the best.


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