Friday, August 21, 2015

I Feel Guilty!

Aunty Amy good morning. Thanks for helping when called upon. 
Please I have a problem and I don't keep friends that I discuss my family problems with, hence I am here. 
Before getting married I asked God to take me to a family that knows peace because I believe that in United we stand, but that prayer was partially answer, so I vowed to bring peace in that family. 
My problem is that my sister in law who is married and has a daughter who is even older than me,  wanted to destroy her father's house. 
Whenever her brothers had dispute, instead of her to make peace she would just go to mr A and ask him what the problem was, after telling her she would tell Mr A that Mr B was wrong after leaving Mr A's house.  
She would go to Mr B and do the same and the result will be more quarrel. 
Aunty can you believe that I had a very big problem with my husband last month and since I vowed not to tell mum's sister any of my husband's weak side I chose to call his sister because they were mothers and grandmothers, the eldest among them asked my husband that same day and scolded him and even asked him to beg me which he did, but this particular sister of his saw it as an opportunity she has been looking for. 
She never asked my husband if there was any problem in his home let alone making peace rather she called and asked for money and my husband told her not ask him for money again. 
She now called and told me to beg my husband for her but I told her that I can't cos am not in talking terms with my husband thinking she would realize her mistakes, but to my greatest surprise, she asked me to send my house boy to my husband for the money. 
When my husband came back I told him everything that happened, he started laughing. 
Later on he told me that his sister was the last person that will tell him to make peace with me, because she thought that the only way to milk him dry was separate us, that his elder brother who was not in good terms with his family and not doing well was his sister's making. 
That his sister was even happy that we had misunderstanding. I now called that my Co wife and asked her what really happened between she and her husband, what she told me made me shed tears. 
Aunty Amy I don't know what to do because since my six years in this family she has always been my favorite sister in-law even though people told me what she said behind my back. 
Am the only reason why her brother gives her money. And as it is now am not ready to beg on her behalf again. 
But I always feel guilty whenever my husband refuses to give her money and she expects me to beg on her behalf and I failed to do that. Please I want to know how to purge this feeling from my heart, so I will be able to help her like before. THANKS

We all do have good intentions for virtually all the problems of those surrounding us but we cannot solve all the problems because we do not have the resources at our beck and call and our responsibilities are confronting us on daily basis. 
Granted that you have genuine intentions to help her irrespective of her attitude, you have to accept the reality that you cannot help her because you don't have the means to do so nor can you compel your husband to do so. 

What she needs is not someone who will be begging on her behalf but a change of attitude towards her siblings and the in laws alike. 
You are feeling guilty because she hasn't succeeded in breaking down your home, maybe if she did, your feelings for her would have changed. 

I am not advocating that you reward her based on her attitude but please you need to focus on your marriage and submit yourself wholly to your husband. 
That is the best way to bring peace to the home where God has called you. 
Please stop feeling guilty about the things you obviously can't change and start seeking ways to train your children and support your husband. 

And please do not bug him with your emotions, he knows better when to help her and when to give her some space. 
A woman who rejoices in the conflict of couples shouldn't be kept close to any family to avoid embarrassing stories. 

God will send help to her and her family. 
Please pay more attention to your family and stop looking for best friends. 
May I also add, never you involve any relative of yours whenever you have misunderstanding with your husband unless you have explored every other alternatives and there was no solution to the challenge. 

First seek the face of God and do well to pour your heart unto Him. 
Secondly, please discuss with your husband whenever it is convenient for him and you. 
Thirdly do well to seek the counsel of a neutral person, most preferably a counsellor who will guide you and your husband without hiding the truth. 
In a very sensitive issues like physical abuse and infidelity, you may then involve the family. 
Be guided that not all who smile with you desire your happiness in marriage. 

What's your take on this? 
Share your thoughts with me. 
Thanks for your comments on the blog. 

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