Monday, November 9, 2015

Sex Terrifies Me!

Good day Mrs AVL, God bless you. Please help me out and also pray for me.
I was raped eight years ago, it was a traumatic experience that almost ended my life. But the scars have refused to heal, sex terrifies me.
I got married this year but sex with my husband is almost impossible. Whenever he tries, all my muscles just stiffens on their own so that sex becomes a very painful affair, like its a rape, he's exasperated with the issue, he thinks I should've gotten over it long time ago and believe me I've tried.
I've never in my life enjoyed sex(because I was raped as a virgin). I'm pregnant(which surprises even me considering the few number of times we've attempted sex.
I hate sex more than anything right now and its a great problem for my marriage seeing my husband has a high libido. I've prayed, I've talked to counsellors, please what else should I do? Bless you.

Dear beautiful wife, 
There is no doubt that the scars of the horrible experience has a great impact on your mind and body which has made you detest everything about sex with your husband. 
After reading your mail, I wasn't in a haste to respond because I wanted to hear the mind of God concerning this. 
And here is what I received from Him or so I believe. 
You are yet to forgive the man who raped you. Though you didn't specify how the rape happened but one thing that was impressed in my spirit was that you have not forgiven him. 
The painful part of this is that until you find a place in your heart to forgive him, you will never be healed and sex will never make any sense to you. 
Granted you never bargained for such a painful experience, forgiving him and releasing him from your heart to God remains the most important thing you must do for you to be made whole and happy again as a lady. 
This has unfortunately made you see all men including your husband as a rapist hence the reason for the stiffness of your muscles whenever he wants to make love to you. 
Now here is what I suggest that you do, go to God in prayers and ask him for the grace to forgive the man who raped you. 
After that, simply confess that "I have forgiven you for raping me and I pray that God will show mercy to you and your family". 
When you are done, ask God to make you whole and perfect in him. 
Release him from your heart and surrender all to God who is faithful to reward him according to his deeds. 
For you to enjoy sex and marriage with your husband, you will need his understanding, patience, tolerance and selfless sacrifice. 
Encourage him to read my suggestion so that he will be able to break the stiffness, fears and worries in your body. 
Let him kindly and gently massage your body caressing them with great gratitude and positive confessions. 
Let him tell you how beautiful, how adorable, how lovely and how perfect you are for him and to God. 
With great kisses he should remind you that you are beautiful beyond description and that he's not here to destroy you or tear you apart. 
Let him look into your eyes and call you my beloved wife and the perfection of my desire. 
Let him lean on your breast and suckle like a new baby while sharing the joy and gladness of having you in his life. 
As he communicates to your soul, your body will learn to relax and be comfortable with his skin and odour. 
He should not penetrate with force but should be kind enough to know how wet you are which may not be much because of the state of your emotions. 
In that case a water based lubricant will greatly be of help to make the pains reduce and help your mind and muscles to relax when he enters you. 
When he gets into your vagina, your body may naturally stiffen, please encourage him to be gentle and entirely slow.
At that point, take a deep breath and simply calm your body down. 
Call him by the sweet names you cherish, he's your husband and not a stranger and he's not about to rape you but about to share the deepest part of him with you. 
Tell him how much you love him and look into his eyes while he gentle makes love to you. 
Being fast may evoke the pains of being in the hands of a rapist but with positive confessions, patience and understanding, he will be able to unlock the beautiful bride in you and help you enjoy sex with great passion. 
If you can forgive the rapist and plead for the support and understanding of your husband, you will realise that sex isn't a terrible experience but a pleasurable gift from God for your marriage. 
Please remember that everything about sex is beautiful and nothing is more intimate than being completely one with your flesh and blood. 
He's part of your destiny and your body, he's your support in times of pains and he's the healing balm God has blessed you with to heal you of the pains of being terrified by a stranger. 
He's not a stranger and his purpose is not to destroy you. 
He's not wicked but wishes to release all his love and generation in your bosom. 
Take your time and look into the face of your husband, you will not find the rapist in him but a man who desires to love you irrespective of your imperfections. 
It's a gradual process and I know that you will be healed if you let go of the pains and embrace the glory and beauty of your marriage. 
I can only pray for you and your husband and I hope to receive a feedback from your husband. 
It's well with you and your marriage in Jesus name amen. 


  1. Amen dear I think Amara nailed it.

  2. Amen dear I think Amara nailed it.

  3. Amara, you are simply out of this world. May God continue to bless you as you bless and heal relationships through Him


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