Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Please Save a Soul, I'm Dead!

Good Evening Aunty Amara....I thank you for all The good things you have been doing... Especially for allowing God to use you....
Please aunty, I have been troubled since June when my fiancé came to see my dad..... It all started when I got back from school, I told him someone was coming for my hands in marriage,I showed him the picture of the man coming and told him what he does ..That he is a fashion consultant.
He doesn't sow but he gets the contracts then gives it to standby tailors to sow ... Though he is a graduate of philosophy.. He trained himself in school with the job and continued with it after school due to lack of job....
Aunty Amara the job is lucrative. After talking to my dad about all these, my dad bluntly refused giving reasons like the man is ugly, he is not up to my standard,his village is far, that the guy is a gold digger and that what do I know about marriage.
Meanwhile I wanted to further, this guy had already gotten forms for me which I could use to further (though am a graduate )but my dad denied me from going back to the east because of the young man...
So I lost the admission... My dad just hated the guy. Let me confess to you I have stayed with this guy for two months ... I found out his flaws and his imperfections. Aunty am sure I can live with him.
Now my dad is coming up with a plan of me going to further in the West where we stay all because he doesn't want me and the guy to see again(though we still see). Aunty Amara I and the guy already have plans of me furthering, my dad says the guy wanted me to further so that at the end of the day, I will be the breadwinner of his house.
Aunty Amara I really love this guy and I know he loves me,we are comfortable. Almost all my clothes were made by him, am not after money I just want to be happy ... Money can't buy me happiness...I don't want to loose my man...
Please save me because am confused... People see me smiling but inside me am dead with thought, please save a soul ...I want my dad's blessing in my marriage if not I would have gotten pregnant because that was the thought that kept popping up in my head.
I am 23 years and he is 35 years, age is no longer on his side that is what he keeps complaining about. Thank you and sorry for the long write up.

The mistake you made was introducing your man with a picture when his presence would have done the needful. Elders won't take a man who hasn't come to present his intentions of marriage by himself serious because he may feel embarrassed by that. 
Secondly, I don't know if your mum is still alive because she would have been the best person who would have perfectly convinced your father about the intentions of your partner and at the same time protect your happiness and fulfilment.
Here is what I suggest, at your age, you should be able to sit with your father and have a dialogue with him where you have to present your strong points why you should be with the man you love and not frustrate your life. 
While you present your points, be kind enough to listen to his views and be open minded so that you can make further research on his own opinions. 
Also seek for the support of those who have influence in his life and those he can listen to and be open to, his pastor, close friends and relatives can stand in for you and have a discussion with him while you also pray that God will open his eyes to understand what you truly need in life. 
But while you are making all these plans, encourage your partner to make his intentions official so that your father may then have a personal discussion and analysis with him. 
His reasons weren't convincing enough for you to discard your partner just like that. 
This calls for patience, understanding, wisdom and tolerance to enable him to make up his mind and support you and your partner. 
Maybe when you must have started your journey, you may learn more and then make a better decision on what's best for you in this. 
In as much as your father's blessings is important, God's approval is the ultimate to avoid getting married to a partner who will destroy you and make your life miserable.
So be positive, and don't waiver, convincing your father with a pregnancy may not be the best way to let him know that you are mature enough to know what you need but keep praying for him and don't challenge him push him beyond his own limits. 
If God is part of your journey, nobody can stop it or be an obstacle in your journey so don't fail to hold onto God in times like these for your promise, your happiness and your crown is hidden in Him. 

1 comment:

  1. Most men do have a deeper love for their daughter especially first girls.Your Dad might be scared of loosing you even to a distant place.However,getting pregnant will shatter the whole thing.Patience,prayer & Godly counsel are the tools to help you prevail.Thanks.


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