Monday, February 29, 2016

How Can She Manage Anger?

Dear Aunty Amara,

A very good morning to you and condolences for the loss of your Dad.
I have a friend we intend taking bold steps down the aisle if God permits. However, her major problem is anger, she easily gets angry at slightest provocation and transfers aggression to anybody that comes her way when she is sad.
She has acknowledged this shortcomings and willing to adhere strictly to your kind advice when it eventually comes. This problem is giving her sleepless nights thus, needs urgent attention.

Kindly advice a sister as I will show her this to read for her self.

Many thanks,

Dear C, I commend your maturity, patience and understanding to the weakness of your partner and this kind gesture to help her overcome her weakness is an evidence of your love and selfless devotion to helping her become better emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. 
On your own part, you have to be patient with her and to always support her by encouraging her to open up and share her heart with you so that she can empty her heart and heal of those things that naturally would have been a burden to her. 
Do not listen to her choice of words when she's angry but listen to her heart so that you can address the pains in her heart and not her reactions to what made her angry. 
Constantly remind her that Holy spirit and the spirit of anger cannot dwell in one heart and that she could be better with time. Validate her positively and commend her efforts to be better by openly complimenting her improvements and paying attention to her needs and also avoid anything that may trigger her anger. 

Anger has three phases of influence and the most terrible is the spiritual effect of anger because it is a spirit that possesses individuals and has the potential to control the individual if not checked. 
Anger grows from impatience, self righteousness and self pride. The individual always compare himself or herself to others and when there is any slightest deviation, such an individual involuntarily begins to react in such a manner that may destroy everything they have invested their life on. 
The choice of words, the desire to revenge or to transfer aggression overwhelms the patience to forgive, to tolerate and to be patient with the individual.
To help her understand the spiritual effect of anger, she first of all need to have a personal relationship with God, and take her time to study the word of God to understand what anger deprived Moses, and the likes so that she will learn to manage her anger and not let it have control over her life. 
Emotionally, anger manifests as a result of self injustice, and self pride. Your emotions send negative feedback on why you shouldn't accept what happened and why you should revenge,  or retaliate to make it even. 
This if not controlled may have a snowball effect not only to others but to self and at the end of the day leaves one with emptiness and pains. What you can do when you realise that you are feasibly angry, avoid saying anything else and simply hold on for some moment. 
If writing, singing or talking to someone that you love and trust will make you feel better, then talk to that person and afterwards decide within yourself to let go. Unforgiving heart is a breeding room for anger because it stores every errors and shortcomings of individuals and will always resurrect the past to punish the person of his or her own shortcomings. 
Forgiveness will greatly minimise the impact of anger and give you the maturity and wisdom to manage the differences of an individual. 
Psychologically anger will affect your perception of individuals, keep you very far away from them, make you never to see anything good about others and at the same time limit yourself from growing in your interpersonal communication skills. 
What could be responsible for these attitudes? Impatience! Humanity are moulded with a beautiful heart and an imperfect mind that is prone to mistakes, errors, forgetfulness, and other forms of weaknesses that one may not be comfortable with. 
Being able to see humanity as they are and relate with them not as you want them to but as who they are will go a long way to help you curtail the magnitude of your anger. 
I was very careful not to make you feel that being angry is bad, but what maybe dangerous is allowing your anger to possess your conscience. 
Most of the violence couples experiences in their marriage begins with an uncontrollable anger and when it is not effectively managed, it becomes destructive both to self and to those around you. 
Instead of letting anger possess your beautiful heart and good intentions, choose to forgive easily and let your heart be free of anything that will make you feel moody, trigger anger or resentment in such a manner that you forget that you are better when you forgive than you would be when you revenge. 
Pray for the grace to get hold of your emotions and to always avoid anything that may push you into doing something that you may regret or something that may cost you more than forgiveness. 

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