Monday, March 28, 2016

Can't Cope with His Personality!

Good morning ma. Thank you for the good work.
I am a 29 years old lady who has been through a lot in the hands of men including a broken engagement.
Recently, I am in a relationship with an old friend from the university way back since 2004 who wants to get married to me by December 2016. I accepted to date him because I loved him back then but right now a lot has changed about him.
He is very loving and caring. When we started dating six months ago, I really liked him but right now I have discovered a lot, I feel I can't cope with. He has grown from a slim handsome young man to a pot bellied young guy. A lot of times he is always unkept. I saw all those things when I met him and thought I could help him but he is full of excuses and wants me to accept him just the way he is. He has refused to take his body fitness and feeding serious. I have told him that his pot belly and beadered face is a turn-off but he just wants me to accept him that way.
Secondly, he is self-employed but his family's responsibilities as an only son is seriously weighing him down, so he finds it difficult to cater for himself. I tried to get him a good job but he turned all job offers down because he doesn't want to work for anyone. I tried to persuade him to take up the job for a few years so when he is through with sponsoring his sisters in school, he'll resign and face his business but he has shown no interest.
We are not based in the same state, so it's been a little difficult. I am willing to help him but he is stressing me with his rigidity.
Thirdly, we have been abstaining but he confided in me that he has an erectile issue. He said his organ is so small and he masturbates a lot.
Please, what do you think I should do? Thank you.

For him to enhance his erection and enjoy sex when he gets married, he must quit masturbation because it affects his veins and also the blood flow to his penis which will make his erection to be weak and also not firm. Since he hasn't had sex with you, you cannot tell exactly what the challenge could be. As to his penis being small, you must understand that there is absolutely nothing you can do to enhance the size of his penis because it's genetically determined before birth and because his penis is short or small according to him doesn't mean that he cannot give you sexual satisfaction and make you experience orgasm but it depends greatly on how he uses his penis and what he knows about the female body and sex. If you ask me, I feel his enemy is his his self esteem and masturbation, if he can deal with the two, you will enjoy him should you get married to him.
I see nothing wrong with a man who doesn't want to work for anyone irrespective of how much or little he might be earning today from his own business. This is because no matter the economic downturn, he's still in charge of his company and business and will always make ends meet with his business. If he was working for a company and the company, as a result of the economic crisis, relives him of his job, he will have to start from the scratch to build up his business but since he has succeeded in investing in his business, I feel that what he needs is counsel and suggestions on how he can manage his business and maximise his profit even when things may not be favourable. 
When it comes to his appearance, you are the best person to decide whether to accept him, and help him overcome his shortcomings no matter how long that may take you or to leave him and go for a man who doesn't have those physical attributes that your current partner possess. 
One of the ways to help individuals to become better than you met them is not by letting them know how much you dislike some of their attributes but by helping them realise the effect of their attitude or lifestyle to their health and their outlook. When you change the theme from what pleases you to what will save his health and make them happy, he will buckle up and make amends. For example, if he's drinking so much alcoholic content or he eats odd food and at odd hours, and you help him understand the hazards associated with such lifestyle to his liver, kidney and his body generally, he wouldn't need anyone to encourage him to enrol for a gym therapy. 
While I would not encourage you to marry a man you hope to change because it maybe frustrating and daunting for you, I will suggest that you decide whether you can cope with his personality, outlook and vision as a man, if you cannot cope with his personality, kindly bid him goodbye and trust God for your own husband. 
But if you are willing to endure, sacrifice your fantasy and accept him the way he is, there is every tendency that he may improve on his hygiene and personality with time and your support. 
The option is yours, in all please do not marry anyone out of pity or convenience because you have a lifetime to experience your choice and it maybe late to go back and make amends. 

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