Tuesday, March 15, 2016

He Hasn't Said Anything Yet!

Ma'am, I've been friends with a guy on Facebook, he's based in Enugu while I'm in Port Harcourt, our friendship grew and we became closer after he visited his sister in Port Harcourt, and we met for the first time. We developed feelings for each other, we talked more often, morning, at work and after work, I came to discover that this guy have eighty percent of what I want in a man, being that this friendship is my first, and seeing those qualities I fell helplessly in love with him.
He likes me so much, but then doesn't want to rush into me. In January he told me one of the days we were chatting, O, what if I told you I had a fiancée and that our wedding was in March, you can imagine how I felt.....
After that day I reached a decision not to be talking to him as often as I used to.... But no ma'am, few days later we became even more closer than we used to, he talked to me about everything, so did I .. Amidst all this, I had this conviction that this guy was the one for me,... He was either at work, church, or his best friend's place, and each time he's there, he would call for me to talk to his friend's wife and husband..
Meanwhile the first time we met, his mother was in Port Harcourt, he took me to his sister's house and they treated me like a wife not knowing that their son and brother hasn't said a thing to me... Each time I brought up the issue of his wedding to know how he's preparing he will tell me not to talk about it.. He kept on telling me that he doesn't want to lose me.. At a point I started feeling guilty of taking so much time of another lady's man and developed the feelings of disvaluing myself.. Yet I could not help the whole issue..
Just last month he paid me a surprised visit to PH, he came to my office didn't tell me he was coming, waited for me at my boss's office to be through with work. He narrated all what has been going on to my boss, told my boss how much he loved me, told her how he lied to me about him getting married, narrated his past relationships to her, and told her the reason he had to do that was to slow that everything between us, he said he's been through hell in his past relationships that he doesn't want to rush into another.. And another thing he thinks he's not rich enough to go into any....
But what I'm looking for isn't money, just who to be happy with, a best friend who's ready to tolerate all my excesses.. He told me all what he told my boss, I felt bad, but at the same time was very happy that he wasn't really getting married.. I got to know recently that I earn more than him.... Though he's been saying I will run the day I get to know how much he earn monthly as salary... He sent me his payroll one of the days we had misunderstanding thinking that would scare me... But I discovered I've loved him more....
Please help your little girl... What do I do, he hasn't said anything to me yet, he keep saying let's be friends... He doesn't pick up calls when I call at times.. Please help me ma...

He has said so much already so when you say that he hasn't said anything, I'm almost wondering if I didn't understand all he said to your boss which was a bit inappropriate.
Now what do you do? Book a date with him and use the opportunity to celebrate him just to let him know that you are different from his ex and that you have a different vision from that of others. Your vision is happiness and understanding and trust and not all the frivolities that life has to offer.
Don't allow him to pay anything or buy anything, if possible get him a gift and inside it, add a token in the gift and encourage him to open it when he gets home.
When both of you are together, thrash all his fears like the pay slip difference, fears of his past relationship and concerns about your personality. Let him know that you don't see life through pay check but through the vision and commitment of his heart.
Money flows and will always locate those who have a vision in life and a great passion to accomplish their vision. Let him know that his personal relationship with God supersedes his take home salary and that his commitment to work is better than sitting down at home and be hoping for a fat pay or going to the church for miracles.
Let him know that both of you can work together if both of you share in the same vision and convictions in life but that he must define the relationship and commit his heart to his vision so that both of you can plan and work on growing your funds and becoming employers of labour.
Instead of exposing you to your boss and all the world, he should be open to you and be as naked as possible whenever he has anything in his heart or concerns and worries about the relationship.
On your own part, feelings are so high and I understand, now is the time for you to strengthen your feelings by taking your time to understand his personality, enquire about his family and get to know more about his roots and his vision in life.
Love can locate you anywhere but what matters is that you make concerted efforts to be sure that the content of his personality and his family is stable for a committed relationship.
You need to weigh his spiritual sensitivity, emotional maturity, psychological stability and financial vision so that you can decide whether both of you can work together to achieve your vision and make this beautiful relationship a reality in your life.
You shouldn't push things or get so much worried but allow him to work on his own pace while you prayerfully and patiently allow God to perfect that which is your heart desire.


  1. Good evening ma, pls i want you to advice me about this issue. Im dating a girl for 8yrs and im planning to marry her, i trust her so much but recently there is a sudden change in her and i discover that she is dating another guy whenever i ask her what is going on she will lie to me. I went to visit her in school one day and i met her with a guy romancing them, i decide to quit the 8yrs relationshinp but it is hard for me because i love her so much. Pls what can i do?

  2. Toheeb 8yrs!!!!
    Haha...u be Oracle?
    Sorry the train may have left u. I hope u have learnt that it is not about how long but how well.
    Babe is tired of waiting,sorry

  3. Toheeb 8yrs!!!!
    Haha...u be Oracle?
    Sorry the train may have left u. I hope u have learnt that it is not about how long but how well.
    Babe is tired of waiting,sorry


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