Tuesday, March 15, 2016

My Family Doesn't Like My Partner!

Good evening ma, I must commend you for the good work you have been doing the lives of people especially we young ladies. The most beautiful thing I love about you which no one has ever said is your choice of words, well articulated and well stated. I love it! Ma, please I really need your advice cause am confused, am tired of being in one relationship or the other because of tribal differences, genotype issue and now that I have found some who completes me, who loves me unconditionally without even minding that am SS, now my family was against someone I like because I had to let them know he had a child out of wedlock. Ma, is it a crime to love or marry a man who had a child out of wedlock? My boyfriend never disappointed the his ex, neither did he refused the child. I met my boyfriend last year may before I graduated from the university. I'm 27 and he is 33. Heaven and earth knows that we truly love each other that he has really changed my life. He has drawn me closer to God. I would say this is the first guy I have met who has never asked me for sex. He said until marriage that he wouldn't want to make another terrible mistake. This guy is humble, God fearing, faithful and understanding. Trully no man is perfect. Before I accepted to date him, I asked him several questions even up till last night why he has refused to marry the mother of his daughter. He kept saying he would rather commit suicide than marry a lady who was brutal, hot tempered, one who broke his car, TV, property each time they have little misunderstanding, one who runs to the police station and report that she has been beaten by her boyfriend and they arrested him.
My boyfriend said he has never laid his finger on this girl and he has slept in the cell several times . All these happened in their two years of relationship cause he said he thought the girl would change after begging and begging each time she misbehaves yet my boyfriend kept forgiving her until she pushed and fought with his mother even after he had done introduction. So she used pregnancy to trap him into marrying her but my boyfriend refused bluntly never to marry her. He has gone through hell in the hands of his ex and family. The girl is emotionally deranged, domineering even when she has not been married into the house.
Ma, I don't know whether to continue with this guy but he has begged me not to leave him that I'm his only hope and I love him very much.

That a man had a child out of wedlock doesn't in any way mean that you cannot get married to him as long as he's entirely single emotionally and in all honesty. From what you said about your partner it's glaring to the world that he's entirely single and emotionally not confused of what he wants in a lady he wishes to spend the rest of his life with.
The first thing you must do is to prepare yourself emotionally, and spiritually to stand by him and to accept his child as yours and encourage him whenever possible so that he can give his child the very best if his child is under the influence or custody of his mother. You must also realise that because his ex may not be happy with the decision of your partner, you must be very very prayerful and focused on God to avoid anything that may be a stumbling block or an obstacle in your marriage.
To help convince your parents of your partner's intentions and vision for the relationship, you need to explain everything to them in details and the measures that your partner has taken to keep his ex away from his life and how much you believe in his vision and personality which was what made you feel at peace and fulfilled with him.
Let them know that you are emotionally prepared to accept his child as yours and groom him as you would groom yours and also give him the very best in life. Highlight his personality traits and his vision for the relationship which you have meditated on, prayed and was convinced and have given you many reasons to believe that he's not like the rest.
Plead with your mother and allow her to talk to your dad and if they still don't approve of his intentions, then you can consider talking to an elder who they will respect and consider his views and plead that he or she has a personal discussion with your parents so that both of them can discuss extensively and plead on your behalf.
While you work on those, never you relent in praying that God will intervene where your strength may fail you and reveal the things that you may not be seeing now to you so that you don't fall a victim of your own ignorance.
I am hopeful that the relationship will work out favourably for your happiness and fulfilment in life and destiny.

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