Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Scared of Making Same Mistake Twice!

Good day ma, am L. I was married to this man who maltreated me so bad because I was unable to give him a son, we got married in the year 2010 and I had my first baby in the year 2011. The baby being a girl got him really sad but still we were still together, he cheated at will and there was nothing I could do about it even though I knew most of his mistresses. In the year 2013, I took in again and he wished the baby could be a boy during the seventh month of my pregnancy he suggested a scan. Though I was scarred yet I had to obey, the scan confirmed I was expecting another baby girl.
From that moment my life in his house became a living hell, one night he came in and according to him the house wasn't properly cleaned, that resulted to him beating me up mercilessly with my condition, a woman who was seven months pregnant. I was taken to the hospital by my neighbours leaving him in the house with my daughter and my 17 years old cousin cause my cousin took care of my baby. I spent three days in the hospital and he never visited me while I was there instead he found joy in the hands of my 17 years old cousin, a neighbour noticed it and told me which I pretended not to have hard anything.
I waited patiently till the day I caught them red handed I cried and sent my cousin out of my house, it went on till 18 may 2014 when I finally gave birth to my baby, he was home that faithful day when my labour started he pretended not to have noticed anything with tears in my eyes I drove myself to the hospital after giving birth there was no sign of him coming which prompted me to call my mother to at least come and bail me out of the hospital which she did.
After two days of having my baby unlike him he left his phone in the house and went out, the phone kept ringing and I decided to take the call, lo and behold it was a friend of mine calling to ask him why he did not show up at her place that day knowing too well that she was pregnant and was going to bear him a son. The phone fell off my hands, I managed to pick it up again but she ended the call so I went through her text messages to him and his responses. Now it's confirmed that truly she was pregnant, when he came back I confronted him which lead to him beating me up and throwing me out of his house with the kids, now he's begging me to come back because the girl lost the pregnancy, what do I do?

Am in dilemma please help me out, the question is how do I know he has changed? How am I sure they won't get back together since they still chats each other up? Why come back now since 2014? I have moved on with my life and am scared of making same mistake twice and what if I have another girl for him how am I sure that he won't throw me out again, then I will have three kids to single handedly take care of?

To err is human and to forgive is divine but for you to reconcile with him and reconsider your marriage, there must be some written down agreements and resolutions that must be established before you can think of going back to him and that is what will guide you and him in your marriage. 
To achieve that, he must come with his kindred and family and officially tender an unreserved apology to your family and kindred for throwing you out of your home like a stranger in his marriage. You must discuss with your family and compel him to buy some gifts for proper reconciliation in your marriage and when he must have fulfilled the requirements, he must pen down an agreement with you in the presence of witnesses that :
On no condition should he raise his finger on you to beat, torture or humiliate you for any reason or purpose. 
He shall remain faithful and committed to the marriage and eschew every form of infidelity, cheating or bringing any woman inside your matrimonial home. 
He must take the responsibility for all your children as their father irrespective of their gender. 
He must provide the basic needs of food, clothing and shelter for you and your children as long as both of you are married. 

This agreement must be made in the presence of his elders and your elders and sealed and signed in a competent court of jurisdiction. You cannot continue to live like a slave in your marriage just because he feels that he's the man. And it is pertinent to note that it's solely the man that determines the gender of his children and not the woman so he doesn't have the right to humiliate you because he's married to you. 
If he's not willing to sign the undertaken and tender an apology for his wickedness, please do not get closer to his house because such men will never repent from their wickedness. 
It's only normal for you to feel the way that you do but if he's humble and willing to make amends and he has realised his folly, please reconsider and pray that God will guide your footsteps in your marriage. 
So let him know what he must do for both of you to resolve your differences and reunite as husband and wife and take care of your beautiful daughters. Thank God who spared your life and gave you the grace to stand and my prayers is that God will guide you through this and favour you in your your marriage. 


  1. I really don't knw when women will start opening their mouths to tell their errant husbands that the sex of the baby is determined by the MAN!!!
    Simply put- garbage in, garbage out, we produce what u give us
    The woman has X chromosomes, while the man produces X n Y. The X u produce combines with her X to become XX (girl) and d Y u release combines with her fixed X to become XY(boy).
    In this 21 century, every1 should be enlightened enough to know that.
    Don't let any man break U, maltreat U or reduce u to feeling that u hv to be blamed for having female children,
    Dear Mr. Be man enough to deal with this, it's REALITy

  2. I'll bluntly say that the man doesn't deserve you and you have no business going back to his house except you wish to come out of the marriage as a corpse. You said you've moved on with your life, so I expect you live your life and take care of your two daughters.

    No assurance the "man" will come back to his senses soon, so going back to live with him is making same mistake twice and the outcome might not be what you'll like. Domestic abuse on you all the time (not even minding your condition) is totally unacceptable.

    Just like the first lady to comment rightly said, X & Y chromosomes to be released is the man's part to play and that can only be controlled by God, so it's God's wish for you to have your girls cos no man chooses which chromosome to release. Say no to domestic abuse and live long for your children. God bless your enduring nature.


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