Sunday, March 13, 2016

Why Did He Give Up on Me?

Good evening ma'am. I really love what God is using you to do in people's relationship and marriage. More power to your elbow and may his grace be sufficient for you. My story is a bit lengthy.
Am a lady of 23 from Enugu an OND graduate and he is 33 from Imo,a graduate. The relationship started four years back, after my secondary school. He actually taught in my school then but left for( Atlanta,) Georgia when I was writing SSCE. Then we just maintained that teacher and pupil relationship. because he was a man of principles so after some months to his departure we started communicating that was when he told me that he truly admire and likes me and that he wanted us to be friends. After sometime I decided to give him a chance. All those while, he really proved his love to me and I truly loved him too. Though it was a distant relationship,but the love and bond was strong, because we constantly communicated. We were committed and did everything to make sure the relationship led to marriage, he believed so much in my future and did all he could to make me happy.
The issue now is that we are separated because last year August I told him what my parents said after telling them about him and that he is based abroad. My parents said I should disengage myself from every form of relationship I have with him. They said how sure am of his person and that he may have a family over there. I assured my parents of his person, that he is not that kind of a person.
Actually, I have mentioned him to my parents on two occasions but they kept objecting that if I wanted to get married, I should get married to guy from our side. So after telling him, I went on to say I hate to disobey my parents and at the same time I don't want to hurt him because I truly love him, he got angry with me saying that my statement was a total conclusion that I don't want him again. But that's a lie because I still love him. I have tried explaining things to him but he won't bulge.
For months he didn't call or text me. I was very angry and depressed. He even came to Nigeria during December and requested to see me but I refused because I was still mad at him for ignoring me. Throughout his stay he did not bother to call me again I only got to know that he has gone back when I saw it on his Facebook wall. When I asked why he didn't let me know he said when he landed I was the first person he called so he could see me but I talked to him with disrespect and indifference. I was not happy and so I begged that we should bring everything back to normalcy but he said I shouldn't bother.
I have stopped communicating with him even deleted his number and blocked him on WhatsApp and Facebook. But I can t seem to move on because he was my best friend and I taught we were inseparable. Ma'am I really want to know your take on this. Do you think he gave up on me because of my parents view or what? I still need him.
N/B : We have never had any form if intimacy.

I feel that he gave up because of your insensitivity to his feelings and lack of maturity in communicating your parent's perceptions to him. When you tell a man that you hate to disobey your parents, you have indirectly told him that you will stand with your parents and not with him.
There's no other interpretation to that statement if not that you are not convinced enough to convince your parents about his personality. Granted that many men go abroad and engage with a white lady, it will be wrong to say that all men who travel outside the country get hooked up with foreign ladies.
If you trusted him and loved him as much as you claimed, you would have been considerate in your approach to the challenge and you wouldn't have snubbed him or pushed him to the wall when he came around but would have visited him and at least poured your heart to him.
You missed your chances to anger and now you can't move on with your life. You may wish to try communicating with him and finding out what he makes of the relationship before deciding whether to move on with your life or to wait for him.
Your parents only wishes that you will be happy with your choice of partner and would love to meet the man who you claimed to be different from the rest. They wouldn't take you serious if they don't meet with your partner and that could have made them to disapprove of your partner.
All you needed to do was explain things with your mum and allow her to translate your heart to her husband, that way, he will give you his blessings but I guess you never took your time before painting an image of a lady who was no longer interested in continuing with the relationship.
Whatever happens, I'm certain that you must have learnt your lessons from this and hopeful that you won't repeat such mistakes.

1 comment:

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