Tuesday, April 19, 2016

All my Effort is in Futility!

Good morning to you ma and all AVL fans. Please the tension in my almost two years old marriage is getting stronger by the day. It all started after my husband lost his job and we had to relocate to stay with his mum. Before he lost his job I was in the UK for my studies, we relocated two months after I got back with our now twenty months old son. I don't know if it's the situation but his attitude and behaviour towards me has changed so much that it gets me scared.
He doesn't care about how I feel, doesn't appreciate anything I do, he speaks to me without respect even in public and misunderstands every statement I make. Even when I try to make his best dishes or buy him gifts to cheer him up, the only thing I get is a murmured thank you. The only thing he does is wake up every morning take his bath and leave the house, he doesn't come back until its past 10pm, sometimes till midnight. When I ask why he's returning so late he gives flimsy excuses sometimes none at all, so I decided to stop asking and not look like a nag. Right now I am 30 weeks pregnant, and he isn't helping out at all, I have to run around my toddler from morning till night, he never ask how am doing or even realize that I am pregnant and need a break sometimes. Thanks to my sisters and mum-in-law who helps out a times.
What prompted me to write here is that two days ago we had a big quarrel about his coming home late. He came home at 12am, I was already asleep, he called me to come and open the gate for him which I did, I came back to continue my sleep without asking if he's going to eat. He turned around to say that each time he comes back I barely ask if he will eat, that very soon he will stop eating at all. That statement got me very angry because no matter how tired I might be, whenever he comes back I give him food, sometimes I even call him to ask what he will eat so I can prepare it before he gets back.
I cried but he didn't care, the only thing he asked me is that, so it's his coming late that is making me angry, and I asked so he expected me to go to the kitchen at this time in my condition. From that night till now we have barely spoken.
Please ma, I need your advice. I pray to God daily to take away every anger and resentment I feel towards him and bless me with endurance and tolerant spirit to continue putting up with this because it seems like all my effort to make it work is futile.
Am sorry for the long story and happy Sunday everyone.

I pray for grace, patience and wisdom for you to manage the circumstances and the pressure that is threatening your marriage. 
The painful truth is that this is not a palatable moment for you but because you are not in his life by chance but by divine arrangement and to God's glory, I believe that your challenge in your marriage shall end up with great testimonies in Jesus name Amen. 
Your husband maybe reacting to his job loss and that has made him lose touch with his emotions and attitude towards you and his family. Two things that can crush a man's pride and confidence in his marriage is his pocket value and his penis performance. Anything else can be managed without struggling or stress but when a man is down financially, he acts in a manner that will leave you feeling disgusted and horrible at what he's doing. 
Because he wishes to command authority even though he can't give you anything to take care of your needs and the family needs, you will realise that he will become unnecessarily arrogant, nonchalant, insensitive and disorientated and at the same time ashamed and afraid to open up to seek for your prayers and support.
What you need to do is to patiently manage him and ignore his attitude towards you lately. Love him and serve him irrespective of his reactions to your efforts. 
When he comes back, welcome him and ask him how he's faring. If you are tired or not comfortable, please encourage him to serve himself and take a permission to rest. Pray for him every day and pray with him whenever it's convenient for him. 
Send him some encouraging messages and prophesy into his life. If he's in the mood to talk, use the avenue to assure him that he will succeed and that God will perfect all that concerns him. Apologise to him if he feels disrespected by your negligence, never you allow anything to make you not to communicate with your husband even when you know deep down that you never offended him. 
This phase of his life maybe challenging but it will only make you realise how vulnerable and weak he is and what you can do to encourage him and help him overcome this phase of his life. When he's calm and a bit relaxed, utilise the opportunity to talk with him and listen to him, ask him what's troubling his heart and what you can do to encourage him or support him. 
If you are earning enough money at the moment, don't inform him but drop some money for him and don't worry or border how he appreciates your kind gesture. 
He's under pressure to meet up with his responsibilities and you can help him by reminding him that you totally understand what he's going through and that you will never leave him nor fail to honour him as your husband. 
If there are any business or investment that he has in mind, perhaps both of you can deliberate on it and see how workable it is and what you can do to make it a reality. 
Pray for the grace to remain humble, patient and submissive now that his chips are down and one thing I can assure you is that God will reward you for your selfless sacrifice in his life.


  1. I must commend your personality and approach to this situation...
    You're such a unique breed..
    Women like you are so hard to find..
    I was expecting the story of a woman who's fed up and wants out as is mostly the case with so many women these days..
    Many women would come here to threaten us that they'll divorce their husbands since he can no longer provide money without considering his condition...
    Some would come here to ask us whether to start having affairs with financially stable men for money...
    But to my greatest suprise...i saw a woman who is praying for things to work out and also for God to give her the right approach to the situation...
    May God hastily answer your humble request...Amen..
    Your husband is an angry man and it's normal with almost every man that has no source of income..
    It's very difficult to be in the right frame of mind especially when your pocket is empty...
    However...try to be the wonderful woman you've been..
    Take it calm with him..
    Also...to relieve him of the stress...try to engage him in conversations suggesting the way forward...
    Think of ideas and relay them to him..
    All that would attract the interest of a man with no job are suggestions on how to make money...
    By so doing...He'll always want to be around you and he'll have that feeling that he's not alone...
    Keep being the good woman you've been..
    I pray God helps your family soon..

  2. My dear,in ur condition pls avoid problems with him every problem has a solution,when you're done cooking,get a food flask and put his food in it.


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)