Sunday, April 17, 2016

Our Sex Life Borders Me!

Hi, aunty Amara just want to commend you on the great job you're doing helping people find solutions to their problems. My story is kind of lengthy please bear with me. l have been married for four years now and blessed with two beautiful kids, my husband is a wonderful man and father. Before marriage, just the sight of him could turn me on but after we got married I found out he loves watching porn and loves chatting with women on social media, very flirty and sexually explicit conversations that would make anyone think he was sleeping with them to the extent of requesting for naked pictures.
It's so bad that ladies he introduces to me as friends are actually some of the people he chats with. Whenever I complained, he gets angry asking why I went through his phone and his reply was usually "it's just chat nothing else, you are my wife, they are just friends". Even when I suggest he chats with me in that way rather than with ladies on social media, I get the same reply. Sometimes he deletes me from his BBM or Facebook, then re-adds me when he feels like.
Whenever he's to travel, he informs one of them where he's logded. This made me angry and felt I wasn't good enough for him, our sex life took a drastic down low cos every time he tries to initiate sex, I feel I won't be good enough and he is always in such a hurry to go in deep that it hurts and when I complain, he says I don't like sex.
Our sex life is so bad that it bothers me. After our second child, I found out I was circumcised and he says that was why I don't enjoy sex that I have low libido so he has given up on sex. I feel he's getting it somewhere because most Friday nights he gets home as late as 3am. I have begged him to help me so we can work through it together but he bluntly said there's nothing that will help my low libido.
Am a stay at home mom with no help cos am scared he'll become too friendly with the help. Most times am sad and depressed cos I keep thinking if am not beautiful or sexy enough to make him stop.
Also my younger sister stays with us and she sometimes has this attitude of frowning and being moody for reasons best know to her, sometimes she's rude and unapologetic for her behaviour. My family has tried talking, shouting and advising her but it's all to no avail. She murmurs greetings when the mood swing take over and my husband says she's rude and think my family is trying to pamper her but we have tried all we can to make her change but nothing is happening. He hates the sight of her and complains at every little thing she does saying she insults him in his house and I condone it.
Now he keeps saying she should leave his house, please Aunty Amara help me what can I do to increase my libido and how do I handle my husband and sister. Am so tired and confused. Thanks.


Your sister may not have started putting up her attitude against you and your husband if there wasn't anything that transpired before now (though I'm only speculating). Nobody reacts to nothing so it's only logical to say that there could have been an untold story which made your sister become rude and disrespectful to your husband and you. 
Since the house cannot contain two of you, I would suggest that you encourage her to return home while you support her in any way that you deem fit. 
Granted that circumcised women may not enjoy sexual intimacy as much as the uncircumcised women, it doesn't necessarily mean that you cannot satisfy your husband sexually if you give your heart to improving on your sexual awareness and intimacy of your marriage. From your mail, it's unlikely that you have low sex libido so I doubt if that was why you don't enjoy sex with him like he said. 
The major limitations of your vagina is the clitoral orgasm which was cut off during circumcision, however you can still experience vaginal orgasm and g-spot orgasm if your husband takes his time to arouse your body and give you some g-spot stimulation. 
Sit him down and let him know that cheating, sleeping outside or investing his life in pornography won't help your marriage nor will it enhance your sexual intimacy in your marriage. Let him know that both of you can still enjoy lovemaking by taking out time to discover the erotic zones of your body through foreplay, he may wish to lick your vagina and stimulate your g-spot (please make sure you are neat and lovely down there), then with the help of a water-based lubricants which should be applied on his penis and around your vaginal wall if you don't produce enough lubrication for penetrative sex, both of you will enjoy sexual intimacy as much and as long as both of you desire with little or no pains or discomfort. 
He needs to realise that he's destroying his home by allowing strange spirits in different women to possess him and destroy his life just because he feels that you cannot enjoy sex. 
Responsible and mature men do not run away from their wife because of her limitations but will work with her and help her enjoy what he craves for or compensate for what she lacks by giving her what she needs. 
Perhaps you may wish to meet a counsellor who can talk to him on how to break out from the addiction of pornography and channel his energy to helping you grow in your sexual intimacy with him with love and patience. If he's comfortable with writing to me, that could be a good option but go for what's more effective for you and your husband. 
You need to quit feeling inadequate for your husband or having low self esteem or confidence about your body, but you need to appreciate your body and carry them with all confidence in the presence of your husband. Go for shopping and buy some seductive lingeries that will bring out your striking features and make your husband grab you like a lifetime treasure. 
Sometimes you can take your shower and come out naked, you may rub his penis on your vagina and allow him to take it up from there. Your beautiful breast is not for your babies alone, your husband definitely craves for them and you can do him the favour and spoil him a little. 
Make him go wild and crazy about you that he will be afraid of losing you in his life. Remember that a great sex is a joint investment and one requires your heart, soul and body. You are never in a competition with anyone and nobody has the right to make your husband feel like a man under God and under man except you and you alone so don't let your gorgeous body waste while you give excuses and lament for what he's doing. 
Wake up and maximise what you have to the fullest. You may give me feedback on your progress if you are comfortable with the idea for further assistance. 
Enjoying sexual intimacy with your husband is your right, please go back to your bedroom and serve your husband with hot sex. 

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