Thursday, August 18, 2016

He's Begging Me to Come Back but I Refused.

Good afternoon ma, you are indeed a blessing. Am a girl of 28 years now, I got married 2013 December. I met him through a friend and he was staying at Port Harcourt while I was in Abuja, we dated for only two months before he proposed and I accepted. I went to my church, told my pastor about it and he said he was God's will, but when he took me to his family his parents are late,
but his sisters didn't like me. I tried my best to please them, after a while he said I should forget about them that they will come around. In three months we got married and his sisters did not attend.
After the wedding I began to notice some funny behaviour like womanising, nagging, abusing, and even beating me, and he wanks. He even go through my phone asking my friends out, I was even afraid for my sister to come over each time she wants to come around, anything am buying I will have to write it down including the prices, he will calculate it and give me the money. Each time I ask for something he will say no money.
After three months of our marriage, he took me to his family's house and kept me there, and went back to his house were he works, and said his family house his my house while where he works is his own house. I became a stranger, he hardly touch me, anytime he comes around he will make up one excuse to fight, quarrel or abuse me, calling me useless or stupid or barren woman.
His sisters are worst, anything they tell him is what he does, if I go to visit him, I won't see our wedding pictures or my few things that are there or he will say he did not invite me. In public places he embarrasses me, when his friends and their wives are are chatting I don't contribute because if I do he will say what are you that I should stop talking or laugh, he will insult me too. He stopped me from greeting people or talking to them, I was all alone, no family, no friends, in fact he and his sisters made my life a living hell. It got to a point that tears was my friend and food. I had this friend in church, I don't know what happened, he started sleeping with her, she even stay with him.
I couldn't hold it any longer so I told my pastor and parents, they talked but instead the girl said she will deal with me. I was frustrated, even on a Christmas period he didn't drop money for food or anything. He told me he was travelling to Cotonou to buy a car and gave me only N1000. I got angry and I asked him what I will do with a thousand naira he just left me and went with his friend.
I threatened to leave him he refused and beat me up, when I complained to his uncle, his sisters threw me out of the house and said is their father's house, and I called him on the phone, the only reply he gave me was that why did I tell his uncle, and that he doesn't know what to do and I can't go to him, I had to stay in a friend's house for three weeks before he came and took me to where he stays.
After a while I began to feel hatred regrets and anger, after like four months I left him leaving all my property, just took few things and came back to my parents but my dad drove me out when I told him am tired. I went to a friend's place, changed my phone number and started a new life. After eight months, he's begging me to come back but I refused.
It's been one year and eight months now. Ma, what should I do?

I will suggest that before you consider going back to his house, your husband should come with his family and tender an unreserved apology for all they did to you, then you and your husband need to schedule for counselling so that he will be guided on what marriage entails and all he needs to know about marriage.
There are so many issues that needs to be addressed before you can go back to him, issues of cheating on you, beating you, embarrassing you in public, monitoring you, allowing his family and sisters to intimidate and abuse you, starving you of sex and abandoning you in the village while he goes to the city to do whatever he feels like.
He needs orientation so that he doesn't repeat such a mess anymore, and I will suggest that he signs an undertaken never to raise his hand on you or think of cheating on you, so that you can at least have a peace of mind in your marriage.
You also need to get close to God and allow him to guide you in this path, to enable you know what's best for you at this critical point in your life and your marriage.

1 comment:

  1. Meeen, I was so impatient to finish reading Anty Amara's comments. Nne I congratulate you for taking this wise decision,you have moved on please for your life sake forget the man. There are thousands of issues to be addressed before you two get back in reconciliation because his case need God's intervention.


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