Friday, August 26, 2016

His Decision Most Times Gets Me Pissed Off.

Good evening ma, you are really doing a great job, God bless you more, forgive my typing errors because of my mood now, I need your advice on how to tackle this issue...
My marriage is eight months and all these months have just been struggles financially, honestly I truly believe in the future to grow with my husband,
but most times I have a serious doubt of him changing his attitude when things gets better. Before we got married, he hardly save, he will prefer to use all the money he has on his family and hope another one is coming, and that is what have been affecting him.... His monthly income is just below N70,000 and am only earning a stipend.
After our wedding, we accumulated a lot of bills which we are still paying up till now. During our wedding, the parents never contributed nor even gave us any gift but am not concerned about that, but at least whenever they call him from home concerning money, I will even carry the burden on my head, I keep asking myself for how long will all these continue?
Am heavily pregnant, I have been the one buying most of the baby things because of the bills he has been paying, he have been giving his dad some money to add to his business, but he could not account for the money rather he will always complain of not having money....
There is a loan going on right now in his office, when he told me about it that we should apply, I told him he should apply alone first so that if anything comes out of it, it will not be a burden for us to pay back. He came back again telling me that he wants to involve his dad in the loan. I told him no because we cannot account for double loan when the payment will start because we are staying far away from our families, assuming the dad is around here, it will be better for him to collect the loan himself because I know what is involved in loan and I told him to let him collect the loan himself from a microfinance bank so that he can be serious with his business and account for it, because he may not know the value as a result of the past ones that have been happening and the financial challenges which we have been passing through. He is still insisting he must collect the double loan, when we are still struggling, when it will start, it will be on my shoulder he will cry upon...
Please I truly need your advice because I truly have a great man as a husband, I love him so much and is ready to stand with him but his decisions most times get me pissed off..... It seems as if he have his family at heart more than me because sometimes I sacrifice to go hungry even in my condition just to see that we solve problem in his family. We have never relented in prayers and God have been faithful, but I don't know why he doesn't want to come to our aid concerning this finance issue...
Honestly I need your prayers and advice for financial open doors, thanks and remain blessed.

A man who is climbing the tree cannot succeed if he decides to climb with a load at his back, because the weight of the load may pull him down and both him and the load will be on the floor, but when he gets to the to the top of the tree, he will be balanced and can carry as many load as he desires.
The same is true for every new home and marriage, there is need for the husband and wife to work together, establish themselves, manage their resources and funds before going all out to meet the needs of the third parties.
It is really not healthy for families to mount unnecessary pressures and stress on new couples knowing the peculiarities of establishing a new home. And there's always a need to apply caution and wisdom in dealing with external pressures to avoid putting your marriage in jeopardy.
I believe that you will give my advice to your husband to read and reflect on so I will be addressing him specifically here.

I want to commend you for your understanding, wisdom, generosity, and the desire to help your family, and support your dad's business. It shows that you truly value and esteem your family above all else, and it's worthy of commendation.
But I want you to realise that by getting married to your prayer partner, companion and cheer leader, your primary priority is no longer your parents and siblings but your dearly beloved wife. Every decision you make today have an impact on her and your children, this is why you shouldn't be in a haste to take some actions without seeking the advice, opinions or suggestions of your wife.
If both of you had so much funds for your immediate needs, I am so certain that I wouldn't be awake meditating on your mail and praying for financial breakthrough. For your wife who is pregnant to starve to make sure that both of you manage your financial burden shows that you married a lady who genuinely wish that you succeed and be happy as a man.
I have examined the mail of your wife critically and I agree with her that taking a loan for your father may be heaping so much burden on yourself and your family indirectly.
I may not know your intentions or reasons for doing that but adding up more financial burden on yourself is not in the interest of your family.
This is the best time to put your house in order, and manage your finances knowing the economic climate of Nigeria, and minimise any credit facilities to avoid putting yourself in a bad debt.
I won't discourage you from helping your family when they are in need but doing so at the detriment of your pregnant wife is what I totally condemn and don't support at all. Please do not for any reason allow your wife to worry, labour and sacrifice her all for your good while you go on and take some decisions that is not healthy for your family.
You also need to allow your wife help you learn how to save and manage your expenses. It doesn't mean that she will run your life for you but so that she can help you save some money and minimise some careless and unnecessary expenses. You will appreciate her sacrifices when your baby arrives.
I hope that you will be kind enough to consider the tears and pains in her heart and learn to work with her so that both of you can overcome your financial challenges.
If you don't wish to crash in an unhealthy manner, please be realistic and honest with your financial expenses and focus on building your family.
I pray that God will give you the wisdom and grace to manage your finances, and also enlarge your financial coast so that you can accommodate other expenses in your marriage.

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