Wednesday, August 31, 2016

How Do I Move on From my Past?

Good morning ma, how are things with you?
Pease I have an issue that I need your assistance on.
How does one know/have the conviction that the man asking them out is the right one?
My friend introduced me to a friend of his(call him A). I and A started talking and I started to like him but suddenly I felt we won't even survive past friendship, so I decided to tell him I would rather be friends with him than be in a long distance
relationship as I am in Canada and he is in Nigeria.

I spoke to my friend about my decision with A, and he went behind to try and hook me up with another person (call him B). I was upset but after a while I decided I will talk to B and tell him I wasn't interested.
There is person C, who wants to settle down but I am not convinced he is the one for me as he is from Edo state and attends deeper-life. I told C I wasn't ready to give up my jeans, jewelries, make-up and extensions and he said I shouldn't worry about that. Besides my parents want me to marry an Igbo man and if possible from Imo state.
I met one I fell in love with until we had a little misunderstanding ( I got pregnant the first time he touched me and he insisted I remove it). During the whole period of the pregnancy till I removed it and up until I recovered he wasn't there emotionally for me. I was battling depression and I tried to get him to reach out to me but rather he got upset and turned the table on my head.
We don't talk anymore although I still miss him sometimes but then he moved in so quickly with another girl. I have asked for forgiveness and have decided to abstain till I get married.
I have phobia for the word love and marriage and I often than not sabotage any potential relationship as I do not want to believe they are real. Please ma, help me. How do I go about moving on and forgiving myself? How do I let things stay in the past and not use it as an excuse not to give anyone a chance?

Your real struggle is not finding love, it's loving your imperfect personality. Every individual have had their fair share of naive and careless moments. We all have made one silly decision and stupid choices,  that whenever we look back at them we wish they were never part of our journey. 
But life won't be complete without mistakes and errors that give birth to wisdom and maturity. Grace will be useless if we all claim to be perfect, but thank God who even in our horrible state of mind, he still reaches out to us with his love and deep affection. Thank God for the rare privilege to be restored to his perfect purpose for our lives when we stray away from his plans for our lives. Thank God for his healing process that makes whole that which is broken beyond repair. 
I know that deep down you never wished to terminate your baby. I know that you wanted true love and peace of mind to raise your family. I know that you wished to marry this man which made you offer your heart, your emotions and your body. You sacrificed so much including the innocent baby but you still lost him. I know that it is painful to imagine that you couldn't see the wickedness of his heart and his selfishness even when you gave your all for him. You pleaded, cried and patiently waited for him but he was already gone. You only thought and planned as a human being but everything crashed. 
You don't need to be so hard on yourself, you don't need to punish yourself this much, believe me, you won't get better if you choose to remain in your past. 
There is no mistakes or sin that is so strange to God, he knows what we can do and imagine and that is why he shows compassion and mercy on us so that he can help us become who we ought to be in him. 
You have cried to him in all humility and sincerity of heart, you have apologised endlessly for your actions and in actions, you have asked for forgiveness and I can assure you that God who sees your heart have forgiven you and have wiped away all your errors and mistakes. 
Now you owe yourself a duty to forgive yourself and accept yourself not as you perceive yourself but as God designed you. You need to appreciate yourself and remember that if God has set you free, nothing can put you in bondage or be a limitation to fulfilling his purpose for your life. 
Forgive your ex and wish him well, then move on with your life and open your heart for friendship. Allow time to reveal the real intentions of men and avoid setting barriers or limitations for yourself. 
The only one who truly knows you is God and anyone who has a personal relationship with God and has a divine purpose for himself is qualified to date you irrespective of his tongue and tribe. 
Getting married to an Igbo man doesn't guarantee happiness in marriage, nor is getting married to an Edo man mean that you will never enjoy your marriage with him. 
Stop viewing life through the eyes of your parents, they have completed their task of bringing you to the world and nurturing you to the time when you can make decisions for yourself and be responsible for your choices in life. 
Let the word of God be your guide and let the Holy spirit help you where your wisdom is limited. Experiences of some individuals is not enough to write off a whole city or state, so don't limit yourself to avoid ending up with the wrong partner or staying single for the rest of your life. 
Once you have forgiven yourself, you won't have any phobia for love and marriage because the phobia was as a result of your emotional depression, guilt and regrets of your previous relationship. 
When you meet a man who genuinely loves your heart and not your breast, when you meet a man who cares about your happiness and fulfilment in life and not your vagina, when you meet a man who desires to help you rediscover your purpose, your passion, your personality and your virtues as a lady, you will easily fall in love with him and long for his love everyday. 
Love is a positive energy that renews your personality and gives you many reasons to look forward life, when it's true, every other thing connects to it but when it's fake, it'll definitely fizzle out with time. 
Don't be in a haste to make conclusions without giving room to get close to your friend, understand his personality and purpose in life. 
It's also a moment for you to allow God to guide your footsteps and help you where your efforts is limited so that you don't in your bid to be married end up with a monster.

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