Friday, August 19, 2016

Is This How Marriage is Supposed to Be?

Good day ma, more grace to you. Please ma I am really depressed. Your advice will highly be appreciated. My story is long but I will try to make it brief.
I am married for close to three years but my husband is not doing anything for a living, fully depends on his parents. I am in my early twenties and he's in his early thirties. He is not even thinking about the future. All these are not my problem.

I believe it is my fault for not getting to know him well before getting married to him. Though he lied to me then that he had a job and that he is hoping to get his HND but were all lies.
I live with his parents. I did In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) by the help of his parents financially and it went well. I bless God for that.
After the birth of my baby I found out that they didn't use my husband's sperm. I mean he doesn't have any sperm.
Note: My mother-in-law is also not helping matters at all she feels is her home so I must abide by her rules.
I don't have any say because my husband himself is also afraid of the mum. We don't have any plans as a normal couple, is what his parents says that will happen .
Ma'am I want to know if this is really how marriage is supposed to be. I am not happy at all, don't even love him anymore, people outside thinks am the luckiest person not knowing am dying in silence .
Second question, I was able to open up to a friend, she asked me to stay and finish up my studies then leave. But my issue with her advice is that I will be seen as a gold digger. Am considering leaving now that am still with nothing, I don't know if it's a good decision leaving now to start my life all over again. I don't want to make a costly mistake again.

This is not how marriage ought to be and you indirectly contributed to what you are experiencing in your marriage by failing to do the necessary background check on his personality, vision and purpose in life before getting married to him. 
The most disturbing is that both of you do not have any privacy or independence, and that means that your in-laws are the ones feeding and dictating what happens in your marriage. 
Also, your baby is so tender and needs to be considered in whatever decision you take at this point in your life. 
What your husband is experiencing is beyond him and I doubt if he was aware of this deficiency in his reproductive life. It's deplorable and discouraging but it's not something you should publicise or announce to everyone. 
If your husband had sperm in his testicles, I'm certain that the doctors would have carried out IVF using his sperm. But since that wasn't the case, please do not let any other ear hear this but let it be between you, your husband and his family. 
If for all the reasons you feel that you cannot cope with the realities of your marriage, maybe you should involve your family so that they will intervene and find some ways to help you and your husband get your family on a better foundation. 
What I feel that your in-laws could have done was to establish your husband and give him some space so that both of you can live without interference from any quarters, but where that is not feasible, I will suggest that you consider your child before taking any decision. 
His family may not be comfortable with leaving their child with you but if you are comfortable with leaving your child with them, maybe you should let the family and your family know your decision. 
Whether you wish to leave now or leave after your studies, what matters most is that you consider your child and your happiness as an individual, and go for what you feel that you are comfortable with.

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