Saturday, September 17, 2016

My Parents Requests That We Terminate The Marriage.

Hi, aunty Amara, have been following your page and I have learnt soo much from you. Please I really need help with your sincere advice.
I am 28 years old, I have known this guy since 2006 which we dated for a year and broke up because he wanted to get married and I was not ready... We still kept our friendship and communicated often while I dated other people and he did as well. Meanwhile every year he will ask me to marry him and I will say no.

April 2015 he started with his proposals again, I kept it lingering on but this time we kept the communication more closer and then the feelings for each other began to grow. We were always on the phone all the time talking about everything and praying as well. The young man is a pastor who lives in Nigeria and I live in Atlanta Georgia, a catholic from a staunch catholic family, who has been trying to break out of the family church sometime but feared what my dad would do to me... Sometime in August he said he wanted to go visit my parents, I told my mom and she said he could come, she loved him at first sight and my dad also, and then after some visits he declared his intentions. My parents accepted on a condition that he agrees to do the wedding in the Catholic church which he accepted and said nothing is too much for him to do for love.
Before him, I have had close to seven suitors coming for me but my parents rejected them, some for not being catholic and others for their own reason. My folks never told him their intentions to make him Catholic.
He did the introduction, traditional rites including dowry payment. Got his visa before then to come to the USA, which my folks were very happy. Few days before he came, my dad called me to beg me not to disappiont the family that he wants all of us to be in the same faith...
When he arrived, he stayed in my aunt's place briefly, and on a Sunday I had to go to his church with him and it brought chaos from my folks.. We started our marriage preparation in the Catholic church, and we were asked to sign that we would raise our family in Catholic Church, which we were not aware and my fiancé refused and called my folks that he can't sign what he would not keep, and that made my folks mad, and they started requesting that we break off the marriage, and that they would return the bride prize and all the things he brought for the traditional wedding. It resulted to my dad and my fiancé exchanging text messages which my dad saw some replies as rude and they have been on my neck to break off the marriage. By the way, the marriage is just two months old.. Now I'm very confused, I have prayed and prayed and fasted but it keeps getting worse from my folks... Please I need guidance and advice so I don't make a mistake, because their accusation is that my fiance is rude, and that he didn't let them know he was a pastor, which he said he told him he was a preacher, I guess he didn't use the word Pastor and that they didn't understand. And that he is a very strong willed person.
I come from a small family of four and I'm my dad's bestfriend but now he doesn't want to hear from me or call me. None of my family member is in support and I'm scared because I don't know what to expect in marriage knowing my parents are not in support...
Please I need your advise

Whatever I am telling you here is my advice, and it is left for you to decide whether to accept it or choose whatever you wish. 
I had to start with the caveat because you may not be comfortable with my stance or my opinion on this and I won't compromise with the truth even if it will hurt you. 
To start with, you are married already and your husband has the support, prayers, and the approval of your parents by the singular act of accepting your dowry from him. 
He is not your fiancé but your husband, so please never you address him as your fiancé because he has paid his dues in full. 
Secondly, your family and your folks as you called them have no right or authority to impose on your husband the church he must raise his family in, it is simply inappropriate and sincerely selfish to push or frustrate a man who wish to raise a family with you. 
Thirdly, I am saying this with every sense of responsibility, that any church or denomination that imposes or instructs intending couples to sign an agreement with the church that he must raise his family in that church is a cult group and not the church of Christ. And any church that places couples in such an agreement must be resisted and exposed because it violates the fundamental human rights of the couple to freedom of worship.  
The Bible says in Amos 3 verse 3, that two cannot work together except they agree. Please this agreement of where to worship and the place of worship is left for you and your husband, and has absolutely nothing to do with your folks, families, church or relatives. 
To imagine that some churches now impose laws on couples is an evidence that we have left the divine purpose of God for marriage to build a home where the church dictates what happens in the marriage. That is absolutely wrong and dangerous for any marriage. 
Whether he said he was a preacher or a pastor or a priest is not the problem here, the real problem is that your parents want destroy your marriage with their selfish interest. 
At 28 years, you should understand better that marriage is not your family's journey but your own journey, and you shouldn't allow anyone else including your family to destroy your marriage with their rules. 
Your husband hasn't done anything wrong by disagreeing to sign such a destructive agreement because any agreement signed is binding on him, and it is only noble to be honest than to accept what he can't sustain for the rest of the marriage. 
Just like I said earlier that your family have already given you their blessings, support and approval the very moment they accepted your bride prize from him and his family. So whatever they're saying now has little or no significance in your marriage as long as you are comfortable with your husband. 
If your church refuses to wed you or your parents fails to support your wedding, please agree with your husband and wed in another church where he won't be subjected to sign an agreement before wedding you. 
However, if your parents support is more important to you at this point in your marriage, please humbly return everything to him so that you can become your father's best friend and marry a man who will accept your church's conditions and your parent's support. 
That you have tons of suitors doesn't mean that you should lose focus of what you need or the kind of man that you desire in your life. 
This is your marriage, please don't allow any church, or folks to frustrate you into getting married to a wrong partner, you will definitely live the rest of your life in misery and frustrations because in your home your parents and your church won't run your family but you and your husband.
It's better to disagree with your parents today than to lose your husband and live with regrets tomorrow. 
The choice is yours!
Good luck.

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