Saturday, June 20, 2015

I am not ready but I love me

Good morning ma.. please I need your advice....
I am 23 years old, a student, will be through with my ND
programme by September, I am dating a guy of 30years, he base in port_harcourt while I stay in Benin, I got to know my guy in January through a friend,we were only talking on phone and social media then but just as friends though he was asking me out which I didn't accept because I don't know him yet and he would always tell me how he intends to settle down at the end of the year.. Then in March I went to Aba to see my aunt and he asked me to use the opportunity to come visit him in ph so we can get to see
each other, I accepted and so I went after seeing my aunt... when I got to ph, I saw him and he was very nice to me and made me comfortable.. then he asked me out again and I accepted, I spent three days with him and went back to school, the night before I left he asked for Sex and I refused which he kept his cool and didn't stress the issue..
I went back to school and we were still very much in touch, I felt very happy talking to him, I found myself caring and loving him each day, he was very loving and caring towards me also, anytime we talk he would always talk about the future and how he was making plans to give me and our unborn children a good life and so on and I will tell him I am not ready for marriage yet (ooo)  that I still want to further and he would say that's not a problem, that he knows the importance of education..
Things went on well and on June 2nd I paid him a visit, when I got there he was happy to see me and so was I, he asked me if I would marry him and I answered that I wasn't ready and he said since I would be rounding up my ND this year thatwe could get married or he will wait till my HND 1 then the marriage can take place and I told him I will think about it and he said ok... 

I wanted to leave the third day but he asked me not to go until the next day and I accepted, he came back from work that day and after eating we were talking and he was asking me when will he come and see my people and make his intention known to them and I told him I don't know yet when the time comes he said ok.. it was already past 11pm and after the discussion we were about sleeping when all of a sudden he became violent and was trying to pull my dress, at first I thought it was a joke but when I told him to stop and he became more violent and was dragging me, then I started begging him but he refused and continued dragging me, I struggled with him, crying and begging him to stop but he didn't respond and I feel from the bed to the ground, he continued dragging me, I cried my eyes out and pleaded with him to stop after struggling and begging him for one hour he stopped and asked me if I would allow him willingly or he is going to take it by force and let the sin be upcome his head and if I get pregnant he will take responsibility, he said I came to visit the first time and left without him touching me and now I want to do the same again that it's as if I am taking him for a fool, he also said that he has promised to marry me so I shouldn't worry myself, I pleaded with him and had to lie that I am ovulating that if I have Sex now I would get pregnant and my last semester will be ruined and I had to promise I would allow him have sex on my next visit and he said he knew am lying because he knows I won't want to come again, (hmmmm) I continued begging him until he stopped and told me to stop crying that he his sorry and that he loves me very much, I accepted his apology and then slept that night and I left the next day... 

Aunty the truth is after that event I am not angry with him and I have forgiven him and things are still going the way they were,he has talked with my mum and he told her of his intention to marry me.... I am confused whether to go on with th relationship or quit now because I am afraid he might want to repeat it again and since I am not ready for marriage yet but I still do love him, am confused. 
Please advice me..... sorry for the long write up... Thanks 

Dear sister of life, 
You don't take fuel close to the fire and hope that it won't catch fire. 
Please why do you have to not only visit him but also sleep with him when you wanted to keep yourself for marriage? 
Aren't you living a double standard life by offering to sleep in his house and then expect that he won't react to the beautiful lady with body and soul for exploration? 
The truth is, if he had slept with you, you made the bed for him. 
Thankfully he has a little conscience and maybe you should go shopping for wisdom to help you really. 
You have to quit sleeping in his house if you are really serious about keeping your body till wedding night. 
You also need to discuss in details and agree with him on what you can offer or not offer in the relationship. 
If he is not comfortable with that,then you would have to let him be. 
You have to understand that many single mothers we have today were promised wedding after their body but they ran into the bush before she could open her eyes. 
Some have even done introduction but still left the lady to sing along. 
Some pretended to be comfortable with it but later offered money for abortion. 
Please remember, you cannot have sex with a man and expect that he keeps to his promises. 
Let the promise come before love making, in that case,you have both assurance and your husband with you and of course you would gladly offer him double offer with no restrictions. 
I hope you learnt from this...
I pray that God will give you the wisdom and grace to guide you in every
decision you take in life. 

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