Monday, July 27, 2015

They want me to get married!

Good evening Ma,thanks for your good work on this platform. 
I seriously need your advice. And that of your fans.
Am 24 years, an undergraduate.I have promised God to give my body solely to a man that will be my husband and to God's Glory I have been able to keep my promise with God.
I have a lot of vision, but lack the financial means to do so. 
Am staying with my uncle and aunty. They are my sponsors, and am really grateful for their parental care towards me. 
The problem is that, they want me to get married this year cos my uncle will soon retire and my aunt can't shoulder the whole responsibilities herself. Well,I know that she has good thought towards me. But I don't like nor love the man that is coming for my hands in marriage. 
He base outside Nigeria and a businessman. I have not met him in person,we only communicate through the phone. 
We have been talking for a while now. And I still can't develop any feeling for him. I have told him that I don't love him,and he said,''thats not a Problem cos he loves me'' He is coming to Nigeria next three weeks to see me for the first time and my aunty and Mum wants him to do my traditional and pay the bride price too. 
I don't even desire to go to the country where he is. Whenever I want have relationship conversation with him so that I can get to know the kind of person he is,he keeps giving me excuses about being busy. 
Last Tuesday, I asked him what was it that your spouse would do that will make him lay hands on her ( I asked this question to know if he was a woman beater, or if he can lay his hands on his wife) and he said,'' when she tries to always prove to be right'' from then I even started hating the fact that he could even beat up his wife for airing her view. 
Ma,please he is coming soon and am scared to get married to him cos am having many fears about our future,cos I know that my education will be terminated cos he is not well to do. 
I don't know how to stop him from coming and equally tell my people that I don't want any marriage with him. 
His guy feels that I will use the fact that am knowledgeable to question his authority as a man, cos i always demand to talk with him on relationship aspect.
I don't want to experience my first sexual experience with him when he returns, cos he might see it as being disrespectful.
Please Ma, advice me on what to do. Thanks.

Dear sender,
I understand that you are under pressure and for that reasons, your uncle and your mum want to marry you off so that their burden would be lighter.
On that I must stress that it is very wrong for anyone for any reason to push you into marriage.
I understand your fears and concerns but sweetheart, you are not 18 years but 24 years, that should ring a bell that you do not permit things that are against your convictions nor work at the pace of another nor live in the plans of another nor have reasons to live a miserable life all because you want to please anyone.
I assure that if anything goes wrong, the world wouldn't remember anyone who pushed you into marriage but will blame you for everything and I am a bit worried why your uncle would support that they marry you off to a man who you have not met in life, nope not yet to that extent.
Please take charge of your life and be responsible for whatever you choose to do or not do.
Do not leave it to chance and at the mercy of others.
Please marriage is no joke, nor should you marry anything abroad all in the name of no funds.
Many have been abused, crushed and reduced to nothing all because they got married to a miserable partner.
Be wise and be wise,when the song changes, please change your dancing steps.
Think of a business, a skill, something you can do to raise funds.
I want to believe that you are in a church or fellowship in your school, meet the executive and share your burden with them not because they may have so much to share but because you need to make an attempt to see if they could support you.
Look unto God who is able to help those who desperately need one pour out your heart to him and let him know the desires of your heart.
As for his marriage plans, wait until you see him and then discuss everything with him before deciding on what response to give your uncle and mum.
I repeat, you have no excuse to let anyone make a destiny transforming decision for you no matter their reasons or intentions for that.
I wish you all the best and I pray that God will give you the Grace to stand up and make your own decisions and choices in life.

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