Tuesday, August 25, 2015

He's Reluctant to Forgive Me.

Good evening ma, I have an issue which has been bordering me and I really need counsel so as not to make wrong decisions. 
Am in a relationship with someone I love so much and he loves me too although not as much as I love him. I say not as much because of some characters he exhibits. 
He's very reluctant to make up after we have issues especially when its my fault . While I cry and wallow in hurt trying to make him come around ‎and get over it, he goes about his activities for days without even bothering to reach out to me. Even when I call him he's so cold over the phone. 
We had an issue recently and he told me we should just enjoy the relationship while it lasts. Apparently he's already thinking of ending it. 
This was someone we've both made future plans together, how we wanted to spend the rest of out lives with each other. Even if I did hurt him with what I said, I don't think he should take it as far as wanting to back out of the relationship. 
The thing is this: I wanted to be with someone who loves me twice as much as I love him. I don't want to live with threats of him wanting to quit each time we have issues coupled with the grave hurt I feel when he shouts me out. 
I also think cause I love him so much,maybe even too much that's why the whole thing gets to me real hard so am considering trying to reduce the love I feel for him so we can both operate on the same level but am scared if I do this the relationship would not remain the same again. 
It wouldn't be the relationship I want. 

Every relationship is a journey with a purpose and a plan. It's like when you set out to go somewhere, you prepare from your house, get all that you need and board the vehicle heading to your destination. 
Sometimes you go through potholes and narrow paths, other times the vehicle gets overheated or the fuel gets empty. 
Sometimes it could be accidental or deliberate depending on the driver and the passenger commitment to the journey. 
I understand how feel about your partner but I will begin with you. 
What did you tell him recently? I know that you never thought it would hurt him as much as it did. I also know that you didn't intend to hurt him deliberately but are we going to condemn this man for being hurt by the lady he truly loved? 
If he discussed the future with you, it shows the depth of his love and commitment to the relationship but I'm thinking that what you said must have crushed him down which made him to keep his space. 
The way men heal when they're hurt is very different from the way ladies heal when they're hurt. 
Men heal most times by separating themselves from the lady while the lady heal by connecting with the man. 
Perhaps this would explain why he chose to keep mute to your pleas and apologies. 
Granted that he may be taking it too far but if you set up a fire, you can never predict the extent of its destruction. 
Please make amends where necessary and guide your tongue with wisdom and understanding. 
No matter how much you may love your partner, please do not live in his space or try to command him to do your bidding or be insensitive to his feelings or opinions. 
He would definitely get hurt or feel worried about your perception of his personality. 
Understanding your partner will help you to communicate with him effectively without hurting him unknown to you. 
Do give him the space and some time, don't make assumptions because apparently he may not be thinking about what you thought was on his mind. 
Learn more about his personality and be honest with yourself. 
Do not change your personality just because your partner isn't appreciating you for who you are. 
With time his identity will be made known to you and you can then decide if he's truly who you desire in your life and destiny. 
With time you would know if you can cope with his attitude and personality, if you are convinced that you cannot cope with him, please do not try to manage him or hope that he would change but let him know and move on. 
Shouting and unforgiveness isn't a virtue to desire from anyone not to talk of someone that you wish to share your world with in life. 
Make out time to discuss your relationship with him and pour your heart and worries to him so that he will also open up to you and help you to understand him more. 
If possible, avoid assumptions, it destroys relationship and don't forget to always commit everything to God in prayers. 
He knows what you need, commit your ways to him so that he will direct your path. 

Please do feel free to share your thoughts with me. 
Thank you for your comments on the blog. 

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