Wednesday, August 26, 2015

My Husband Smokes and Drinks

Morning ma'am, am one of your fans and I just read about the couple with sex starvation.
I love the way you resolved it and I also want you to help me out cos am going through something similar.
My husband started drinking and smoking a couple of years after our union.
I confronted him and even had to bring his uncle into the matter but I later realised he has been into it and had to stop it for a while when we met.
He promised to stop but now he is worse. We have four kids now and his office is just a stone throw from the house but when he closes from work, he doesn't come home till around midnight smelling of alcohol and cigarettes.
I have tried letting him know how the odour affects me that he should try to create sometime to be with me when he doesn't drink or smoke but all to no avail.
We hardly have sex now cos most times am already asleep by the time he comes back.
I don't work too and all this is getting to me psychologically.
I dont even feel the urge to have sex anymore.
Please help me out.
Overcoming addictive behaviours is like fighting against the nature. Sometimes the person may strive and work hard but most often they find themselves in the same pit they wished was no longer in existence. 
Your husband in all sincerity is suffering from alcoholic addiction and no matter how much you may talk to him, he may be helpless in dealing with his desire for it. 
Just like you observed, he is a slave to alcoholism and smoking and wouldn't feel healthy if he doesn't take many sticks and many bottles of alcoholic drinks. 
Understanding the nature of your challenge will greatly help you to device means to manage him and help him in his area of weakness. 
Thankfully he's not the violent type, the story wouldn't have been the same. 
For some individuals, they opted for bringing the alcohol home so that at least he would mess himself up under the watch of his family.
The benefits of this was that he doesn't get messy at home or fall into the pit by the road side. 
It limits the friends he keeps as drinking partners and also limits the amount of money he lavishes at the bar. 
While this succeeded to bring the evil home, it may not curtail his drinking habit but will give him some sanity and offer you the privilege to observe him and hopefully encourage him to consume less than he would if he was outside. 
Fighting an addiction is easier when the individual sees the need to do away with such habits but when it's normal for him, you may do more than the usual. 
Please research on the negative impact of alcoholic drinks in his system, including the vital organs, his hormones, and his children at large. 
You need to have a compelling points to drive your message home. 
Do not make it about your sexual demands and desire but about his health, safety and family. 
Many people have been a casualty of alcoholism and many more won't survive damage alcoholic drinks have to the vital organs and the body. 
Design some beautiful post cards and paste them in his room for his reading pleasure. 
Every da that he leaves for work, send him messages of your love and appreciation, then chip in one alcoholic tips for him to read. 
It may look childish but it has the capacity to transform his habit. 
Before leaving for work, pray for him and cast every spirit of alcoholism in his life. 
When he returns from work, no matter how messed up he may look, place your hands on him and thank God for answering your prayers. 
With time he would reconsider your efforts and love to help him and desire to help himself. 
Do not push him to the wall by nagging him down, it wouldn't solve anything, instead always encourage him never to give up trying to quit drinking and smoking. 
Obviously your sexual intimacy will suffer because alcoholism and smoking are not friendly to good intimacy because they alter the hormones that would have given him the desire to make love to you. 
This would be the best time to invest in your skills, passion and business that would raise some funds for you and your children so that you can provide your little needs and support him in any way possible. 
You need a lot of patience, wisdom, understanding and a lot more tolerance to help him find solution to his addiction. 
Before wedding is the best time for wishes and all investigations but after wedding, you are left with only one option which is to manage every challenge and obstacles that may confront your marriage. 
It may not be easy or rosy for you but with God you can help him in his areas of weakness. 
Please don't cease to pray for him and support him in any way possible for you. 

Share your thoughts and experiences with me. 
I look forward to reading your views. 
Thanks for your comments on the blog. 

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