Saturday, September 12, 2015

He Doesn't Care About My Financial Needs.

Good evening aunty, thanks so much for all your advice to me and other Avlites. You have really touched many lives. There is something that has been bothering me for some time in my relationship. 
Am getting married in a few months time, the date has been fixed and we are already planning towards it. I have been in this relationship for about eight months now. 
The issue is that he finds it difficult to give me money, although I have never asked him but I feel that from time to time, at this stage of the relationship he will be assisting me financially a little. 
I have a good job and am financially independent in the sense that I can carter for my needs. And am also not the type that ask people for financial help because I feel I will be a disturbance to them, infact I can't remember ever asking any of my ex's for financial help even as a student, I even avoided every conversation that will suggest I need their help financially. 
I really don't know his financial capabilities very well but I think he is very ok because I don't see him struggle to pay bills when we go out together. 
The only time he spends his money on me is if we go to eatery and foods and drinks are not my problem. He keeps on telling me about his plans to establish me financially and other things after marriage which I do ignore cos I don't believe in promises. 
Sometimes I wonder if he doesn't really have the money, whether he is just pretending or he is really stingy. 
I even summoned courage to ask him recently and he just laughed over it and said that he is testing me, that very soon the test period will be over. 
It's really bothering me because our traditional marriage is coming up soon and with this his attitude I fear that he may not give me all the financial support I will need for my own preparations. 
And I wouldn't want to marry a man who doesn't care about my financial needs all because he feels I can handle them. 
Please ma, how do I go about this?

The very things that makes you stay awake and stare at the ceiling with fear and great concern ought to be the things that you must not fail to discuss with your partner during dating and courtship period of your journey. 
This is because after the wedding programme, you will have to live with the reality of your decision and vow to God and the best I can suggest will be for you to find your way around it or learn how best to ignore it. 
While some may believe in testing each other, I sincerely detest such testing no matter the purpose or the duration. 
What any partner exhibit today is part of his attitude in life and it will take God's grace to change such a person especially after wedding. 
When you go to the market to buy a new hat, you simply don't just pick up any flashy colours or pretty one out there, you test the cap on your head and examine the quality of the hat before paying for it, the same happens when you want to tie your gele. 
Before you say "I do"  please do not take anything for granted or make assumptions because after wedding comes marriage, not otherwise and by then there's little we can do to help if not pray and hope things get better. 
I feel that you should have a heart to heart discussion with him and let him know how you feel. 
Don't pretend to be fine or happy when in reality you're burning with fury and your heart is in pains. 
This should also give you some clues that he may not be as caring as he is with words when it comes to finances because he may do more testing with money than he will do more caring when you are married to him. 
Marriage is so deep a commitment for you to hoard your fears and make up your face with smiles. 
Three things that puts so much pressure in marriage are third party, sex and finances. You don't want to make any decision that you might regret later on in life, now is the best time to sort things out and make up your mind on what you truly desire before saying I do because once you have said it, we will all cheer you up with "You're DONE". 


  1. And i quote you..."I really don't know his financial capabilities".....
    It's a sad story that you're planning to settle down with a man you don't know...
    The "Don't Knows" are just too much...
    You know nothing about his financial status yet you're complaining he doesn't give you money..
    Please take good time to study this man before you commit yourself to avoid getting married to a stranger...

  2. Na wao! Please,try to KNOW. We are talking about your would-be-husband here,and not some acquaintance. This is someone in whose hands you are planning to put your life and future - THERE IS NO ROOM FOR ASSUMPTIONS! Haba!


    1. The 12 Tests of Love, by Tekena Ikoko
    2. Who Should I Marry?,by Kingsley Okonkwo
    3. Destiny Mismatch,by Sam Oye
    4. Before You Say 'I DO',by Sam Oye
    5. Before You Say 'I DO'(1,2,3),by Olumide Emmanuel
    6. Two(2) Kinds of Husbands,by Fela Durotoye
    7. Is He Into Me,Or Does He Want To Get Into Me,by Steve Harris
    8. Resolving Conflicts In Relationships,by Poju Oyemade
    9. Preparing for Marriage,by Tumise Ewedemi
    10. Finding Your Life Partner,by Joseph Prince
    11. How To Find True Love,by Pastor Bankie
    12. The Rules of Engagement,by Ezekiel Atang
    13. The Myth of Singleness,by Myles Munroe
    14. The Purpose of Love and Marriage,by Myles Munroe
    15. No Romance Without Finance, by Kingsley Okonkwo, etc.

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