Saturday, September 12, 2015

I Feel Like Drowning in An Ocean!

I joined this forum not quite long but ever since I've been wanting to speak about my case but i'm shy until now. I think I need to just talk to someone. 
I'm a lady of 33 years. I had a child when I left secondary school in my parent's house. There after I proceeded to the university. Shortly after I left University, I ran into a guy that promised he was going to marry me. 
My greatest regret started the day I moved in with him, shortly I became pregnant, we began making plans on how to go and see my parents and possibly wed before I put to bed. Just about the same time his goods were seized and life became miserable, we could hardly feed at some point. 
After all, I put to bed without him even knowing my people. I gave birth to twin boys. This is five years now ever since, I've been the one doing most of the things in the house, paying most bills. 
Now, I'm as confused as ever, I still keep male friends to make ends meet while I'm living with him. 
Now the issue is I don't know how to quit. And if I do , who will marry me with three kids from two men. 
This current guy doesn't have anything doing. How on earth will I continue my life like this. 
I need advice. Most times I feel like just drowning in an ocean. I seriously need help. 

Even when our challenges are as mighty as an ocean, wishing to be drowned in an ocean will never bring any solution to the problem nor will we find happiness and peace even if we're dead. 
It is only the living that experience challenges and only the living that rejoices in victory. 
Look at your lovely children, if you choose to leave them, who will take care of them and how do you think they wiwill cope with the struggles and stress of life? 
I understand the enormity of your pains and difficulties but as long as you can breathe there's a turning point in your life and challenges so don't quit believing and striving to overcome. 
I will be frank with you and I hope that will be comforting and acceptable to you. You are a single lady who have three children living with a man who has neither paid your dowry nor does he have any plans for you and your children.
Its one thing to lose your means of livelihood and another thing to be responsible for you and your children. 
He may not need money to pay your dowry but he needs to appreciate your family well enough to present himself to your parents as the one that is responsible for your needs and that of your children. 
Nobody who knows his predicament will demand for anything knowing how expensive it is to raise a family and provide the needs of your children. 
While his goods may have been seized, choosing to live irrespective of what happened was his decision to make no matter how little he might be making from it. 
He could have learnt one skill or the other no no matter how humiliating it may be for him, that would have provided the basic needs of every home :food, shelter and clothing. 
While it's understandable that things were difficult for him, it's unacceptable for him to starve his own children leaving you with no option but to seek any means to cater for them. 
That notwithstanding, I am also not comfortable with the fact that you chose to keep chains of men in your life all because you want to raise some money for your children. 
Most of these men do not know about your children nor do you tell them the truth about your relationship status which to me is deception and is not great for a woman who is a role model to many and a graduate from the University. 
What happened to learning some skills that will fetch you some money or getting any menial jobs so that you can have enough at least for your children?
I feel that you could have done better than keeping chains of friends and possibly sleeping with them. 
Let's get this straight away, please let your friend know of your decision to relocate to your father's house with your children pending when he has done the needful and made you his wide. 
Return home and please decide to live a noble life to avoid another pregnancy. Choose the path of honour and acquire some skills while doing some menial jobs even if it be cleaning services and agriculture. 
Hunger will never kill those who are humble because they are willing to explore every means to succeed in life. 
Your most important priority in life is to give your children the very best in life, help them discover their identity and be relevant the society. 
While I am hopeful that you will find an enduring love and a partner who will compliment your efforts, you cannot live as though you do not have huge responsibilities to manage. 
Get a job or a skill or venture into some business even if the profit isn't as much as you desire, grow with it and entrust everything to God for increase. 
God is faithful to turn your story and grant you favour in life but you can't make it if you don't take some painful decisions and sacrifices. 
I am hopeful that this will not be the end of your journey but that God will intervene and give you the wisdom and patience to overcome these times and celebrate God's faithfulness in your life. 


  1. Oh my goodness...This just got me emotional...sincerely...I'm confused..
    Dearest...i think the only alternative left for you now is to go back to your root for peace talks and a cry for help..
    The mistake has been made...There's no need to start reminiscing on your mistakes...indeed...its so seems unbearable but i strongly believe that in life lies the seed of hope..
    There's no sin too much to be forgiven...More terrible mistakes have been made...Darker hearts have been made pure..
    Make peace with God first....all He needs is your acceptance of truth and rejection of the devil..Desist from keeping those male friends...Such acts would take you on a journey into total condemnation..
    Like the prodigal son, you need to plead your way back home...Let them know that they're your only hope...Though its need to summon the courage...You need to start your life afresh...The father of your kids needs to do the proper thing before he takes you home..i pray God helps him do the right thing...
    Thinking about who'll marry you in this condition will do you no is not served on dirty plates...Focus on redefining and amending your life first....Even if nobody asks for your hand in marriage, its not the end of the have your kids to hold onto..
    I pray God grants you the serenity to accept the things you can't change, The courage to change thise you can and the wisdom to know the difference...Amen

  2. This poster must be an ofe nmanu somebody. I swear!

  3. Tired of all these concocted stories for blog traffic..

    1. My dear, the any mail you read here is never concocted for blog traffic.
      This is a divine mandate, different from getting people's attention.
      We are transforming homes positively and restoring broken marriages.
      I felt I should explain a bit to you dear.
      Thank you.

    2. My dear, the any mail you read here is never concocted for blog traffic.
      This is a divine mandate, different from getting people's attention.
      We are transforming homes positively and restoring broken marriages.
      I felt I should explain a bit to you dear.
      Thank you.


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