Friday, September 4, 2015

I Find it Difficult to Touch Her!

Dear Amara
I am Bernard by name live in Eruope. Here is my story, 
I came to Eruope about six years ago fortunately got married to someone who has no emotional attachment to what we have. 
Only for me to help her when there was a need which I understood perfectly clear. My job here was as good as every average citizen in the country because I have got skills per say. I am still on the marriage here but we live in separate cities. We don't stress each other or look into what anyone of us was doing, it's more like friends of benefit than marriage. 
At a point I thought of getting a proper marriage, because I was tired of living alone and age tells too. I was 30 years of age.
Some day one of my friends came visiting, we had a long discussion about everything particularly our lives. But then I was about to divorce my European lady and the only way I could get my legal status was to invest on anything that would be of economic value to the country. 
My friend was rich. I came up with a proposal that he could invest in of which he bought the idea but on one condition.
To protect his money, he would get someone to oversee what we were about to do. I was some how desperate because I have lost my job simply because my residence permit was being questioned. 
It happened that my friend's wife's elder sister was still not married. He had her at the back of his mind to be the one to oversee things on his behalf and we could get to know better maybe, marriage . 
I said to myself why not since I had always wanted to get married. I jumped into conclusion that it was a brilliant idea following on how my friend described his sister's in law. 
By the end, we got ourselves talking, smartly after couple of months I invited her over and she spent about fourteen days with me.
For some reasons I wasn't satisfied with her put ups but then confused on what to do because I wouldn't want to lose what I had with my friend, it seemed to be a living hope at hand. 
I sarted by giving some excuses,putting up a cold shoulder, anyway, I told my friend that I wasn't sure how the relationship would turn out. 
I thought I could end it up by the time she left my house but then after couple of weeks she became pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy, in the end I managed to marry her to protect family name. 
Now, I found it difficult to look at her face, even to touch her or have anything whatsoever with her. 
Secondly, the investment didn't come up again, no one raised the issue. It was like a scam. 
I am in state of confusion, I don't know what to do. I need your wealth of wisdom to overcome the circumstance.
Thank you

If I understood you very well, it means that you are currently married to two women,one European lady and one Nigerian lady. 
To be candid, having one lady in your life will give you enough to think about but with two women? I'm certain that you won't achieve so much more than you desire in life. 
I feel that you need to sort yourself out of a lot of commitment that you have entangled your vision and reduced you to a mere slave. 
Sometimes we take some risk with hope to reap a good fortune from it but other times its wisdom to refrain from some certain risk not because of lack of courage or will but simply because your heart was worried much more than you could ignore. 
Everyone would have understood that you met with a lady who from all you explained and experienced with her wasn't what you needed to prosper as a man in your endeavours. 
And you could have terminated such a good relationship by striking an agreement with her and your child instead of grudgingly agreeing to get married to her. 
That to me was where you missed it and I want to believe that you understood the consequences of such decision perhaps you were overwhelmed by the promises of your friend. 
Granted that you might have some reservations about her attitude, I will be honest with you that your wife deserve your love and appreciation. 
It seemed as though your friend had a grand plan to get you hooked up with the lady and the painful thing was that you fell for it. 
Be that as it may, your wife whether guilty or innocent deserves to be loved by the man whose baby she nurtured for nine months and took care of up till now. 
I would suggest that you humble yourself and get to know more about your wife, her attitude, her passion, her hobbies, her personality, her relationship with God and her perception of life. 
Now that you may not have the same passion, zeal and energy that you had when you were 30 years old, you need to organise yourself and build on what you already have while exploring avenues and possibilities for investment irrespective of how little it may be. You cannot continue punishing this lady for the decision you made, God will hold you accountable and responsible for how your wife is feeling under your care. 
The deed has been done, painfully I must admit that I wish you never fell into it but I believe that you can maximise the best out of this and reap the benefits of a rewarding and a fulfilling life with your family. 
Please get hold of yourself, bury the past and give your heart to your wife and family, do not see her as a bait that destroyed your plans, but embrace her as God's way of connecting you to your wife. 
The more you appreciate your wife, the better life will be for you and your children. 
When you look at your lovely son, always remember that her womb bore him and her breast nurtured him. 
I am hopeful and positive that you will give love a chance in your marriage and commit everything to God who can see the end of everything even before they begin. 
Cheer up dear Ben, be positive and do not give up on your vision though you may feel discouraged. 
I am praying that God will favour you as you give your heart to your wife and family. 

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