Thursday, September 17, 2015

My Husband For My Friends

Dear Amara,

I want to say a very big "THANK YOU"  to you and your great fans. I really appreciate your works and the mature comments of your fans. Some of them are just wonderful.

Please I want to share this with you as a married woman and with the married men and women in the house. I don't mind the wise counsel of the single ones too.

I got married to a very principled man, that I appreciate but sometimes I find my husband's principles a bit off.  My husband doesn't keep many friends.I have very few friends too, which is why I think my husband should relate well with them. Has your friend ever visited you and your husband refused to come say "hi'? My friends have been coming to visit me but my husband just wouldn't come out to greet them.

He's been like this before we got married and honestly, I used to think he didn't like me enough to be identified with me but I was wrong. Back then, I'd see a friend on the road and wait to greet her, by the time I turn to introduce my husband(fiance then), he was far gone!

Now we're married and he does even worse. Once I announced that a childhood friend was visiting. Guess what? She came and left without seeing my husband cos he wouldn't come out to greet her.Infact, they don't even know he's at home.

I once returned home and he said...
"go and see Joy o, she came to visit you". And I'm like,
"oh, what did she say"?
"ah ah, you guys didn't talk"?
"she didn't come inside"
"why now?"
"cos you weren't around".

I went to see Joy later only for her to tell me "I came nau, knocked and knocked but no answer, then I knew there was no one around".
When I got home, I asked my husband why he wouldn't open the door for Joy, and he fired back at me. "to do what? wetin me and she wan discuss? why did she even come when she knew you wouldn't be at home? abeg, go prepare food for man pikin" and he jumped into the bed. I just shook my head and left.

Last week, another friend came to see me after a long time and again, he wouldn't come out to greet her. I went to meet him in the room to come say "hi" but he waved me with the back of his and said, "abeg I wan chop o" That day, he ate in the bedroom! when it was obvious she would pass the night in our house, he came out to greet her. He did not even sit with her, he just stood, smiled at her and disappeared back inside. Next he said, "I hope she's leaving with you in the morning".
Amara, do you know he put on trousers and t-shirt first before coming out to greet her? He had to cover his body first... meanwhile, I wouldn't mind him greeting my friend in shorts and singlet. I want to say, with every sense of humility, that my husband is a very handsome guy, with an intimidating height, great body and always wearing a smile that would make a woman go jelly... so I wonder why he'd cover his body first.

Meanwhile, he's more relaxed with the couple of male friends that I have.They are married too.

He once stopped me from visiting a friend when he learnt that she was dating a married man. He avoided her like plague. Just like that o. He once blocked my friend on social network cos "she doesn't know her boundaries". When I asked him why, he said "look, I don't need female friends, next they start chasing you", sounding so serious but when I became serious too and told him I trust my friends, he pulled me to himself and said "baby, no be say I hate your friends, you know me, I just don't like making friends with the opposite sex, especially now that I'm married. I want to be a great husband to you and responsible father to our child. I don't want stories that touch... and when I said "stories that touch how"? he just kissed me to stop me from saying anything further.

I have been thinking of telling him to be nice to my friends.Is it a wrong thing? Afterall, he has introduced me to all his friends and I usually greet them well. Even some of his friends I haven't met, he makes me talk with them on phone. but now, he doesn't just "send" my own friends. Married brothers and sisters, what do you think? and to the single ones, would you be happy if your husband doesn't want to get close to your friends?
Mature and honest advice, please.

Please pardon my long mail.

My Dearest,
I  understand how you feel. I know you feel your husband doesn't like your female friends. Let's get things right here; your husband does not hate your friends.
Now, let me give you the possible reasons your friends get such treatment from your husband
1. He knows his weakness and wouldn't want to hurt you.
2.  Your friends have tried to seduce him, he doesn't want to tell you and so he has to do what he has to do to protect his home.
3. He is a smart young man.

Like he asked, why would your friend come visiting when she knew you were not home? Are we still in the 16th century without GSM and telephones? If he is being proud, he won't even relate with any of your friends including the guys.

My dear, God has given you the dream of many women. This is a man who respects his wife and his home. Be grateful to God. According to you, he has a "to-die-for" body and yet, he hates to show it off when your friends come around. Hmmm, I say it again,  you have a good man.

If God has blessed you this much, please and please, be grateful to God. Stop looking for that thing because by the time you find it, you may join the league of bitter women shouting "men are idiots". Please face your husband and invite only friends he's comfortable with. Remain friends with your friends but please, don't drag your husband into it. He's not interested.


  1. Dear poster....Walahi! I wouldn't even want my wife to be close to my heard me...
    Your husband really understands what this world has turned out to be...He simply understands that there are so many unfriendly friends out there...He simply doesn't want to give the devil a chance..And that is why he's keeping them at arms length...I see no detriment in what he does...he hasn't branded them his enemies...he just doesn't want to relate to avoid stories that touch...
    In a situation where you can't discern the good from the evil, the best strategy is simply to keep everybody on check...
    Most times, its not all about just being a man of principles who believes he cannot be lured by his wifes friends and so goes about relating with them freely, Avoiding any form of relationship with them is also a very valid preventive strategy...
    Appreciate God that he has instilled this fear of temptation in your husband...if possible...tell him to continue...more grease to his elbow

  2. Dear Poster, Aunty Amara have said it all, you're really blessed, value what you have.

  3. You got a man who has his family first. I can gladly say he won't want to much food more than he can chew, Your story(Testimony) is a prayer request for many ladies. Please focus on your marriage and forget friends.

  4. Read your testimony with four of my colleagues in my office and they all wished they were 10% of the kind of person your husband is, so my dear sister enjoy your husband for what and who God has made him to be.
    You've got one of the best among all men a woman can ever wish for, that i must confess.

  5. the blessing is just too much. please as for the question you asked us singles; yes!!!!!! i would want that kind of a man i won't even think about it b4 saying yes. he sounds like a mysterious man. does he have any younger brothers that is just like him??? i am 21, so maybe someone that is 24-28


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)