Good evening ma.
I have had a fairly stable marriage over the last ten years with four kids but my husband's jealousy has been a constant drain on it.
He claims to love me and I believe him but his constant embarrassment makes me tired.
He's usually wary of anyone that shows any interest in my affairs and will end up confronting him and later begin to apologize. He is a graduate but am currently studying for my PhD and has a guy am paying who lives in the hostel to help with my analysis. My husband is fully aware and we worship in same church.
Today while we were working together in the hostel which was the place where others that he does analysis for meets with him, my husband arrived there. At the time, I was about leaving and was standing outside, he went into the guy's room. I just left because I was too embarrassed. I am really tired of this because I have not given him any reason to doubt me and he is fully aware am a believer with strong moral character yet...he is also a believer.
He has made me swear by the Bible that I have never cheated on him which I did for him to have trust yet...
He questions me from time to time if I have ever cheated on him and I warned him severely never to try it again or he will not imagine what I will do.
Please how do I make this stop. I intend to work as a lecturer in the University though am teaching in a secondary school among other things I do.
Is this how I will progress in isolation? God bless you.
I like to add that my husband keeps a lot of female friends, some my friends but I have always given him the freedom to be.
He usually counsels a lot of single ladies but I am not usually bothered by it. I have asked him severely to accord me the same trust I have shown him yet...
You have already started on a good footing by talking tough to him about it. Obviously he's emotionally insecure and simply doesn't trust you which makes me wonder why he chose to marry you only to torture you unnecessarily.
Since he's a believer, he should know that it is evil for him to choke you up and embarrass you unnecessarily all because he's wishing you evil and praying that you cheat on him.
Let him study Ephesians 5 vs 21 - 30,get him some books to read and continue to discuss this with him since he seems to be the emotionally insecure partner here.
Communicate with him and dig deeper to find out if there was someone sometime ago who betrayed him or someone who made him have a negative perception of ladies and marriage too.
Remind him that just as you allow him to do his counselling with ladies without your probing eyes all around you that you deserve some space and respect from you.
Do not swear for him for any reason or purpose, let your yes be your yes just as the Bible said and should he continue with such an attitude, then you may engage your pastor or an elder who he will listen to to have a word or two with him.
Extreme jealousy just like that of your husband can put unnecessary pressure on you and stress to your marriage.
Be patient with him, apply some caution and wisdom so that you don't end up exposing his weaknesses in your bid to help him overcome his insecurities.
Pray for him because there could be a lot of fears and worries that he's battling with which has made him to poke at you at every slightest opportunity.
Sometimes the man thinks lower of himself than he is.
ReplyDeleteHe needs you to boost his morale so he regains his self confidence.
So give him compliments and he'll gradually stop seeing other men as threats because after all he's your king!
Sometimes the man thinks lower of himself than he is.
ReplyDeleteHe needs you to boost his morale so he regains his self confidence.
So give him compliments and he'll gradually stop seeing other men as threats because after all he's your king!