Thursday, October 29, 2015

I Don't Know What they've Discussed about Me!

Good evening Aunty Amara. More grace to your good works on Facebook, saving peoples relationship. 
I and my fiance, we have dated for five years, we love each other so much and we have always planned the future together. I gained admission into the university last year and he renewed his rent and backed out for me to stay since the place is close to my school. 
So I packed my things and moved into the house. I was not really comfortable because it looked as if I was staying in a man's house but I managed to stay.
About the time we are to sit for our exam, he asked me to please accommodate his younger brother who is about 19 years which I did. His reason was that the boy is always watching TV at home. That if he's around the school environment seeing his colleagues reading he would join them to read. So we started living together. 
I lost my privacy. He won't leave the room when am out of the bathroom, when I return from classes. I never reasoned bad (sexual) feelings because he was not my mate. Am 25 years old.
One day I came back from the market completely soaked, I went to the bathroom to change because him and his friend were in the room and refused to leave. Actually I did not tell them to leave but I expected them to leave. After cooking I served them. And left for night class I came back the next morning and saw a girl in the house. That's two boys and a girl. 
I entered the bathroom changed and left for my exam without sleeping for a while because they occupied the bed after my exam that day I came back and they were still around. What got me angry was that he never told me who these people were? How long they will stay with us or even took permission for them to stay with us. 
So I took some of my things and packed to my brother's place. My fiance later found out and got angry with his brother. I never knew how manage the mum heard the issue but she was never fair with her judgement. She said because of a girl he was having issues with his younger brother. I later came back to the house but the boy was really angry at me and refused to eat my food. Finally he went back to the house after the exams.
My fiancé later asked me again to accommodate his brother and I accepted. How light was having fault. So we fetch water from our neighbors. Since this boy came to stay with me the second time he has fetched water just once. My girl friend came to visit me and she has been the one fetching the water because I was not strong enough to do that. 
So when she was arranging to leave I called my fiancé to please come and fetch water that his brother will use cause I can't fetch water for his younger brother to use. After the call I pleaded with my friend not to go because of my health which she stayed back. 
The next day as she was about going my fiancé knocked and I opened the door. When he saw my friend he went back and told me to follow him which I did. 
Immediately he started shouting that because how will my friend be in the house and I will call him to come and fetch water. I tried to explain but because he never liked that my friend for one day he refused to hear me out. While we were outside my girl friend left without knowing what was happening. 
My fiance fought me! something we have not tried before because of his dislike for my friend.
He screamed at me in the presence of his brother. He later called the boy and asked him why he refused to fetch water the boy said nothing and he told the boy to make sure he fetched water that day.
My major problem is  his the mother. The boy ended up spoiling my name in the presence of his mum which am aware via my fiancé.
I don't know if I will quit this relationship because my fiance said if his mum is not in support of the girl he will want to marry he won't marry the girl. 
I don't know my fate again in my relationship because in their family if one person is not in support every other person will not support. No matter the position of that person in the family.
Please I need your advice. Since this problem started my fiancé just call for calling sake because we don't gist as usual. I don't know what they must have discussed about me. 
As for the boy he has finally gone back to the house, he is done with his exams. 

Now that his brother has left back to his house, this is the best time to invite him over and pour out your heart to him. 
No time to pretend feeling blue when you are simply unhappy with everything that has happened as a result of his brother. 
No matter how close a man is to his family, he ought to set some boundaries over his partner and not treat her as a slave in the presence of his family and siblings. 
After explaining everything to him, let him know that I said that it was wrong for him to consider bringing his brother to live with you without considering your opinions on that and even instructing him on what he must do. 
It was wrong for him to deprive you of your privacy and allow his brother to destroy what you have laboured to build for years. 
Remind him of all that you had to go through all in the name of having his brother live with you. 
If his house was so precious to him then he can have it back while you return to your brother's house where you will have some freedom and respect at least. 
Let him know that as a man who has the intentions of getting married, he shouldn't make hasty conclusions all because of what others said without even listening to your opinions no matter how terrible they may be. 
He simply reduced your reputation as a lady and even threatened you by all he said. 
Stop pretending to be happy as though he's doing you a favour, let him know that you are not ignorant of who you are and what you deserve. 
Before asking you to park into the house, he never stated that there will be some August visitors and investigation team whose intent and purpose was to run you down and abuse you turning you into a slave. 
I understand that you wanted to respect him but you missed it when you refused to take charge of your house and space. People don't come to your area and run the space for you. 
Even if you don't want to instruct him on what to do, at least let him know what he cannot do in your space and also let him know what privacy entails. 
He shouldn't be seeing your boobs and know how your mess smell all because his brother rented the space for you, if anyone has an issues with that, they should discuss with your partner and not make you feel inferior in their eyes. 
As events unfold, please observe the trend of his relationship with his family and his respect and appreciation of your personality. 
If he's the mummy kind of a man, kindly withdraw from him to avoid regrets much later in life. 
Put things in prayers and don't just ignore some signals of  his attitude to you and the relationship. 
If possible, let him read this and revert back to me. Thank you. 

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