Thursday, October 1, 2015

I Want To Run Away!!!

Hello Amara,
Please I need your help as everybody that I am seeking advice from on this matter is being sentimental about it.
I got married at the age of 26 years and by then I have a good job and doing very well. I met a lady who initially lied about her age to me but when she noticed that I am a serious guy and that the relationship is getting serious, she told me that she is actually 31 years instead of initial 29 years. She is 5 years older than me but looks younger and I kept this private even to my parents that I am so close to because I love her and I believe that her maturity will make the marriage work. I also believe that she will actually understand what marriage is all about and make me happy.
Before we got married, I called her to a meeting before the wedding and told her that I can tolerate anything in the marriage except her cheating on me. That I know I am a very jealous guy and that is why I did not go for the most beautiful girl like guys of my age since I cannot endure even a guy toasting my wife. I explained that I want peace and trust and that I do not have power to be pursuing my wife around to know what she is doing. She agreed and said that she disgust kissing another man that is not me and I believed her and trusted her with my life.
After the wedding, my career started booming and I was transferred from one location to another on promotions. But I made sure that I come home every three weeks maximum.
I agree that I started being less interested with the marriage since I wanted to get to the peak of my career and immersed my life in my job. I was actually less caring and just wanted to be the best so that I can provide everything for my family.
Then I noticed that my wife have started locking her phone and I will call in the night and she will tell me that she is near the house. But when I demand to talk to my daughter it will take her another one hour to get the phone to her.
Then one faithful Sunday as we were preparing for church my impulse pushed me to check her phone. I demanded for her phone and asked her to unlock it which she did and I took it inside our room and locked the door.
She started banging on the door and telling me to open it. Then I started suspecting something was wrong. I checked the phone and saw nothing but then I am an IT person so I started using key words like love,baby,babe etc to search the phone memory and lo and behold I saw deleted messages that are still in my wife's device to another man telling the man how their night together has been and all that. I saw other messages to the same man and my life shattered. I immediately made up my mind that I am leaving her.
When I confronted her, initially she denied but when I showed her the evidence she started begging me. I contacted her siblings and told them what she did. She ran to my mum because of how close they are and told her to beg me. Her siblings immediately came from a far place they were staying the next day and knelt down before me to beg for her forgiveness. My mum was begging too and they were all crying.
Because of how good the siblings are to me and my love for my mum, I accepted. But I decided to dig further into the life of the woman I married and she confessed to a horrible thing that even a prostitute cannot do. Oral sex in the car and all that with the guy, dating sugar daddies while in school and still contacting them after marriage and abortion.
This was someone I can swear for that she can never hurt a fly. I tried to make amends and moved her to my location and we had a second child and a third and she is currently expecting the fourth baby.
But the problem is that I do not trust her again and at every single opportunity, I will refer to what she did and I am always feeling insecure. The truth is that I want to divorce her but my mum will die if I do that since she doesn't want scandal and her siblings are always begging anytime we have issue now since she will run to them to beg me.
There is no peace in the house again and all my findings about her is haunting me day and night. There is now issues at least every month and it will lead to me talking about the cheating. I have started smoking and drinking and even womanizing just to get even but still I am not satisfied. I just want to leave her but powers around me that I love so much are always begging me. I do not respect her again and I see her as a whore and a cheap one. I was expecting to see a woman that feels guilt and at least turn to a born again and shun chats on phone with men whether harmless or not but she still indulges in it. It gets me paranoid when I see her chatting with unknown men although she insists that they have nothing doing. I have not seen the real remorse from her. I feel for my kids too and my mum will always advise against divorce since the church frowns at it.
But now my company offered me an escape route. I am being transferred to go and work in our Japan office for the next five years on a very big project and they asked me for my family passport and I told them that I am not moving with my family. They insisted that the work I am going to do will take a lot of my time that I might not be able to come and see them but I insisted that I am travelling alone.
Nobody knows about this movement except me and my company. I want to run away from this hell and never return again before I kill myself and then file for divorce from there. I hope to immerse myself in my new challenge at work in Japan and be the best I can be. I do not want to marry again, I just want to get lost in my work and remain abroad forever. I do not care what happens to my mum or my wife's siblings because they are all been selfish about the situation and they go about enjoying with their own spouses.
Please I will consider your advice on this issue since I know you do not have an interest in the matter and that will make you to be as objective as possible.
Counting on your professionalism.


I WILL lift up my eyes to the hills [around Jerusalem, to sacred Mount Zion and Mount Moriah]–From whence shall my help come? [Jer. 3:23.] My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2 AMP
I spent hours meditating on your pains, agonies and the disappointments you have experienced for the sake of your selfless devotion to your family and your career.
I can only imagine how your days and nights are knowing that the lady you trusted with your heart not only betrayed your trust in her but constantly reminds you of your pains and humiliation.
No reason whatsoever can justify an act of infidelity nor does anyone deserve such a treatment whether male or female.
As I read your mail, I heard God say that no matter where you run to, you will always remember your blood and your relatives and no matter what you do, you will never find fulfilment and peace of mind even if you have all the wealth and security that any money can afford.
Then I was wondering too why God allowed this pain to come to a good man and a hard working husband like you, God said so that this will draw you closer to Him.
I sincerely do not have the right words to encourage you and I perfectly understand you when you said that everyone you know is selfish about this but one thing I know is that God wouldn't be selfish about your happiness and fulfilment in life.
When all we have nurtured and laboured to build crashes, it only reminds us of the futility of our efforts and the rest that comes with trusting God who knows what we need much more than what we feel or desire.
If God could look down on us in our wickedness, selfishness, greed and hard heartedness with great compassion and mercy by sending his own son to redeem us from our wicked ways, then no marriage is really beyond the redemptive love of God. 
What you need is not an escape route from your pains but healing from God and your healing wouldn't begin until you first surrender your heart to God and secondly forgive your wife of all she has done to ridicule your life and sacrifices. 
This is the first step you must not fail to take if you hope to see greater glory in your life and marriage in life. 
After you have done that, then you may decide to weigh your decisions about your marriage and your children. 
While I wouldn't join the wagon of those who condemn divorce, I will sincerely encourage you to consider first your children who will receive the greatest impact of your decision. 
This will to a large extent determine whether divorcing your wife will be the best decision for you at this moment. 
Marriage is the greatest battleground of the enemy and most times, the devil strives to explore the weakest link to destroy the man or his marriage and this is why every couple must not joke with prayers for their marriage. 
No matter how successful anyone maybe in his career and profession, a time will come in his lifetime when he will have the need for companionship and friendship that comes from his own partner and children. 
This maybe the reason why everyone is pleading that you reconsider your decision and give your wife another chance. 
I know that it may never be the same anymore but I also believe that when Jesus Christ steps into your home, you will find healing, joy and fulfilment in your marriage once again. 
Please do well to send the contact details of your wife to me so that I will have some discussion with her to understand what is on her mind and her decision for the marriage. 
Please give me some time to sort this out before you send in your passport details for your new job. 
I am praying for you and I know that God has already started a good work in you and will perfect it in due time. 
Like I said earlier, womanizing, smoking and drinking wouldn't heal your heart of your pains; only Jesus can. 
Please surrender your heart to him and allow him to take it up from there. 


  1. u have got a genuine reason to file for divorce, which is adultery get your act together and move on with your life before you give life to your feelings which may be disastrous.u wanted an advise devoid of sentiments you've got one

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  3. Hmm,....please,listen to Aunty Amara!

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  4. It's not about marriage but you and God. If your marriage fails, it does not mean you are a failure. Only God knows what you have done in order to make the marriage honourable but God also knows that you can't make it work without the supports of your wife and children. Therefore, don't let your 'convenience' makes your children wounded for their entire lives. Just as Amara has suggested to you, give God a chance and let Him heal your bleeding wounds. Running away is more dangerous than rehabilitating the marriage. True love is proven in forgiveness. I know it hurts but don't double hurt God and your children. From your mail, you haven't taken your marriage's condition to God yet. Therefore, do it now. Find a place in your heart to forgive your wife. Don't punish your wife at the expense of your children!

  5. Pls forgive and forget for you to be happy in this life, don't judge her past but talk more of the cheating after u married her, ask God to give you the grace to forgive her and please don't abandon ur children now that they need u most cuz u will forever regret leaving them.


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