Sunday, November 22, 2015

His Parents Refused to Give their Consent!

Good day aunty Amara. I appreciate the candid advice people get from you and I believe mine won't be an exception.
I'm a 28 years old from Delta state. I met this 31 years old (current ages) guy from Anambra state while in school in Lagos over three years ago. The relationship got better by the day and he showed interest of hoping to settle with me which I consented to.
We went to see his parents who were in Edo state, that same year (2012),and they received me well the first day.
However, things took a different turn when he told his parents his intention of settling with me. They rained fire and brimstone and even said that it would be over their dead bodies.
They mentioned their preference of an Igbo girl to me (an urhobo girl). In fact, I cannot mention some of their words. The other thing now is that my boyfriend says he will not give in to their wish and has promised to go ahead without them. My parents have said we should commit the whole issue in prayers, they like my boyfriend because he is actually a nice person. My boyfriend came as far as "introduction" without his parents in April 2015, though he was accepted, my parents still insists he tries to convince his parents giving him December as the ultimatum (my biological mum is late).
Right now I don't know what to do because I love this guy so much but I also know a marriage will be better when the families are involved. Please I need your candid advice. Thanks in anticipation, God bless you.

Sweetheart you need a man who has the balls to stand on his own and make firm decision without considering the sentiments and opinions of others no matter how close or far they are to him. 
Looking at their reasons for not supporting him, you will discover that it's simply because of what they heard in the past which may not be applicable to you today or because they feel that getting married to an Igbo lady will make them have more control of him than they would if he marries from another tribe. 
Spiritually, they never asked anything about it, and considering your attitude, they don't have anything against you. 
So I don't see why you should be worried or skeptical to support him now that he needs you most. 
You should let your family know that you will work with your partner to help him navigate through this rough patch of your journey. 
While it will be lovely to have parental consent and blessings, it's more important to have God's approval than to have men's support for your marriage to prosper. 
So my suggestion is that you make out time, visit the church where his parents worship with your partner and plead that the pastor prevail on his parents to support the marriage. 
If that fails, then you may consider the elders who are in his kindred. 
Then you may need to visit his parents with gifts for his mum and then plead with them to support him. 
This your partner must do kneeling and seeking for their prayers and support. 
For me, there must be a leaving the father and mother for there to be a perfect cleaving in marriage else you may have to be a slave to all and sundry in the name of marriage. 
Seek the face of God and continue to support your partner because you need God more than anyone else at this moment of your journey. 
You and your partner must have a personal relationship with God so that you can seek God's face in one accord. 
Have a positive mind concerning this challenge and see it as a test of love that you have for each other. 
Please do not use this against his parents and family when you are finally married to him but appreciate them for their opinions while living to prove them wrong about their perception of your personality and your identity. 
With patience, wisdom, understanding and selfless devotion towards each other and your partner in particular, I am convinced that nothing shall hinder you from getting married to him and also receiving the blessing of his parents. 

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