Tuesday, November 10, 2015

How Do I Assist Her?

Hello ma.Weldone for the good job God is doing through you.
I don't know if guys are allowed on this platform but I'm here anyway.
Here's the issue.I'll be 24 in few days.There's a lady(20years thereabout) I'm considering for a serious relationship(trusting God it'll lead us into marriage).We met in August.There are some things she explained to me which I think need serious attention and consideration.
She was raped at age 5,impregnated at 16 by a cousin,she aborted it without her parents knowledge(though she lives with them).She's now saved by God's grace. I like her seriously.
But when I read one of your responses on a post about someone who was finding love-making difficult I thought you could share some thoughts with me about things to consider before moving on with someone with similar experience.
Because she also told me that before she was saved,whenever she had sex she didn't enjoy it at all. I may not know how to put the story together sha,but bottomline:I love her and I'm willing to assist her get over those issues,and what other things can I consider before proposing to this lady,and how can I help her too? I hope you understand? Thanks in anticipation of your response.

I perfectly understood you sir and yes men are so much welcome to seek counsel to their challenges and issues. 
I love your genuine love and selfless devotion to helping your partner become a woman of virtue. 
Sometimes a woman of virtue may not necessarily be a virgin who has been innocent from birth but she may be a lady who have been broken down, embarrassed, abused and emotionally tortured but has refused to give up on God's grace. 
She is a lady who though the world may judge her with so much accusations has decided to surrender to her maker irrespective of what her reward will be. 
I had to explain this to you so that you will understand the divine assignment God has ordained you for in her life, to rebuild her esteem, to strengthen her spiritually and to support her emotionally. 
Any lady who has been raped most times have a negative perception of life, men and sex because they constantly remember the trauma, the overpowering and the pains that came with having to go down with a stranger at the point of death and still survive it. 
So one thing that she craves for is patience and understanding of her emotions and hormones. 
Sometimes you may want to connect with her and she may not understand your intentions but even at that, please remember that she needs some time to fully understand where you are taking her to. 
She needs so much compliments and appreciation from you because she can only be as happy and relaxed as you compliment and appreciate her. 
Learn to deliberately notice every single efforts she makes to look good and beautiful and never you spend your day without reminding her of how beautiful and lovely she is. 
Let her see the sincerity of your heart and she will learn to trust you with time. 
When she has come to trust you, she will share anything with you and everything for you. 
At this point in your life and relationship, please never you use her past against her nor evoke the pains of her past to torture her emotionally irrespective of how pained or offended you may feel by her attitude or her errors. 
Always remember that she needs your maturity and wisdom for her to stand out and be a better lady for you. 
Encourage her with God's word and take her out when it's convenient and comfortable for you and her. 
Listen more and talk less so that you will understand her before expressing your views. 
When it comes to sex, there's still the need for you not to rush off her body as though you want to steal her body but with patience, more foreplay and compliments and hopefully with the help of a water based lubricant, she wouldn't feel any pains when you make love with her. But I hope you will wait till marriage though for that experience. 
In all, there's no fast rule, I only gave you a hint on how you can approach her and how to connect with her. 
With time, you will get to discover her beauty beyond the scars in her life. 
I pray that God will give you the wisdom and patience to grow in love with your partner and hopefully live to give her the best of God's love in your heart. 


  1. This young man is planning for his future with a girl he hopes to marry yet i see people criticizing him...
    He only came out sincerely to seek counsel just because he saw the post of a guy whose wife has some challenges due to her experience of rape..
    It is no crime to plan ahead...We must come off this attitude of unecessary criticism..
    I see some ladies saying They're too young to think of marriage...Such idea is laughable...
    That you are not married at 32 does not make marrying at 20 wrong...
    Live your life and let others live theirs...Getting marriage will not hinder a focused person from fulfilling his/her dreams moreover this poster said he HOPES this relationship leads to marriage...He never said he wants to get married soon...we must learn to read and decipher posts and drop our comments deviod of sentiments and a biased mind..
    Dear poster..
    Follow Aunty Amaras advice should she start experiencing the trauma when you are married to her though i hope it's best you pray she doesn't...


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)