Tuesday, November 24, 2015

My Wife Starved me of Sex During Pregnancy!

Thanks for impacting lives through this medium. Please advice me on what to do. 
I am three years old in marriage and we have a lively and intelligent daughter of nearly two. My wife starved me of sex immediately she took in until she weaned our daughter and was ready to take in again. 
I have to impress it on her before we will have it once in a while in a one man show style. She has taken in again and it's back to status quo. I love her and I have tried to talk to her but to no avail. 
She is a good woman but she has low libido, I am frustrated with our sexual life. We are believers and cheating is out of it. Please what do I do to better our sex life? 

I love your positive attitude towards the challenge you are experiencing in your marriage. 
I perfectly understand your frustration and the attitude of your wife to sexual intimacy in your home and one of the things you said which I sincerely admire is that she's a good woman. 
It takes the grace of God and divine wisdom and understanding to discern that in spite of the challenges of your marriage, your partner is a good person. 
I encourage you not to lose sight of this timeless revelation. 
If medically she has low sexual libido, it could be because she doesn't have enough estrogen to arouse her to desire for sexual intimacy like other women or it could be that she's not properly aroused (Click Here for more on foreplay)  before sexual intercourse which makes her to have pains during sexual intercourse thereby sending a negative impact on her desire to have sex. 
It may also be that she doesn't produce enough lubricant to make penetration sweet and pain-free which also has a negative impact on her vagina and her mindset. 
It may also be psychological due to all the sermons she has received about sex of how dirty, and filthy and sinful it is for couples to enjoy sex(Read how to help her enjoy sex) which has made her to resign to only having sex when she wants to conceive.
Or it maybe that she was raped or abused at a tender age which painted a horrible image of sex in her mindset thereby inhibiting her desires in sexual intimacy. 
Begin with communication, talk to her about sex and find out why she has decided to starve you sexually, encourage her to read this response so that she will understand the essence of your worries and pains about her attitude to sex. 
From your discussion with her, you may get some clues to what may likely be her challenges about sexual intimacy in your home and seek for ways to tackle it. 
You may visit your gynaecologist for proper examination of her vagina and hormonal profile test to ascertain if she has enough estrogen that will push the blood for sexual intimacy. 
This two will help to know the best approach to resolve the issue. 
Because I am hopeful that she will read this I want to let her know that sex is God given treasure for the enjoyment of husband and wife and God designed sex not necessarily for procreation but for the celebration of oneness, companionship and selfless love to each other. 
The sperm and the egg with the attendant sweats are what makes it beautiful and lovely and not a dirty thing as some perceive it. 
Couples can still have explosive sex even during pregnancy varying their positions to help minimise the pressure on your growing foetus. 
Sexual intimacy doesn't affect your baby especially in the first or second trimester and with the advice of your gynaecologist you can enjoy sex as often as you desire. 
It's both healthy for your body and your muscles and it helps in the circulation of blood in all areas of your body. 
Sex is holy, sacred and spiritual and because it is designed for husband and wife, It's not sinful to enjoy sex whether in missionary or doggy or spoon or lotus or butterfly or standing or sitting or in a kneeling position. 
Also please remember that as his wife, your vagina doesn't belong to you anymore but to your husband and same with his penis, little wonder why the fusion of the two with God's anointing produces a new baby. 
Please ma work with your husband and help him to enjoy the sexual intimacy and fulfilment God has designed for him in marriage. 
Be open to your husband if there is any challenge you maybe experiencing in your sexual intimacy so that he can seek ways to support you but note that starving your husband of sex with no mutual agreement is a sin before God and you are also exposing him to temptation by the strange women. 
Please I hope that you won't ignore the needs of your husband and allow him to groan in pains. 
You may feel free to talk to me if there is anything else you feel could be the reasons for not allowing him have sexual intimacy with you. 


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