Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Can Someone Interested in Marriage Behave this Way?

Hello Ma, He has been frequently calling me for one month now and we have known each other for three months. We are born again Christians, we attended the same church and we are committed to serving God. I am single and 33, he is 34 and single.
I have been praying to God to bless me with a husband. I have been waiting for this man to tell me the reason why he calls me daily, he always wanted to meet me daily, he wanted us to go to church together , buying me gifts even when I am financially stable and he knew that, etc.
Is not that I am desperate for marriage but I am expectant of my God ordained Boaz, I have been uneasy when with this guy because I don't know what he wanted from me. He doesn't know my age, he doesn't know my second name, he just does not know anything about me expect where I work. You know I can't ask him who he was before he tells me what he wanted, besides, I felt he should initiate the talk and not me. I knew of his age while jokingly passing some info across, he didn't even ask for my own in
Last six days when we met after work around 8 pm for shawama, he started touching and caressing me inappropriately even when he knew very well it was wrong looking at our spiritual background/believes (by the grace of God, I have been chaste for long and hoping only to sleep with my husband) after seeing this,I concluded that this guy wanted to sleep with me. He almost kissed me and was all over me until I shut him up with a harsh voice!
I confronted him the following day judging that he just wanted to sleep with me, but he said he doesn't know what he was doing and that he was sorry, I told him that if I wasn't hard then it would have led to something else but he denied he doesn't know why he did that, he said he can't fornicate.
Aunty, he was caressing me in public surely around 9 pm. He almost overpowered me until I shouted! It pained me till date as to what he took me for.... He is still calling me and I even heard him telling his friends that fornication kills one's spiritual life, (just after I confronted him).
Aunty, do I stop further communication with him in polite way, this has irritated me so much to the extent of failing to answer his calls for some days now yet he can't stop calling and texting. I felt he under graded me, I felt like tearing him apart with my teeth for taking me for granted.
Can someone interested in marriage behave this way? I want to forgive but when I recall it or when he calls me it hurts, how do I stop him politely as a Christian? I also want to know how to get rid of him since I had started getting attached to him, no man has ever bought me a gift in life, not even a sweet, he is the first one, and you know us ladies we always love to be genuinely loved.
Advise ma and sorry for the long post.

Maybe I should ask, what if that night instead of caressing your body he chose to propose marriage to you, would you have hated him as much as you did or would you have felt less appreciated by him? 
I respect your discipline and personal devotion to God's word but from what you wrote I can tell that he was emotionally attracted to you and you were praying that this attraction be converted to a marriage proposal which in itself wasn't a bad wish. 
However the manner in which you approached it made me feel as though you never had any affection for him in the past three months of knowing him. 
When a man started showering you with so much love and affection and went all the way to buy gifts and send you lovely messages, I don't think that you needed to wait until he tells you what he had in mind but I feel that you ought to have called for some form of a date and politely enquire to know what was on his mind, his purpose and his intentions. 
There is no law that says that it must be a man who will first open up before the lady should get hold of her emotions and hormones. 
Once you notice that a particular friendship gets you horny and makes you feel funky, it's time to be real with yourself and redefine the friendship to avoid some strange touching and kissing in middle of the night. 
The deed has been done and there is no need to tear him apart but I feel that you should first forgive him and then sit him down to know what he has in mind for you. 
Not all men are confident and bold to express their feelings for a lady. Some can go about it using gifts while some may be looking for a lonely moment to carry out an awkward fantasy in his mind. 
Communication reveals all secrets and fantasies in the heart of a man and that will help you decide whether to continue with the prayer point or at best change the image or content of the prayer point. 
After discussing with him, you will be set free from assumptions and presumptions and then focus yourself on what matters most. 
What he did was to try to see whether you were in love with his handsome face so now that you have shut him down, maybe he can open up and tell you what he has in mind instead of hiding under the church. 
I know that you may not have expected such but your body language gave him the signal to give it a try and maybe you should learn from this not to receive gifts and simply feel comfortable with so much affection when you cannot tell what his intentions was about or where the relationship was heading to. 
I pray that God will bless you with your own husband in no distant future in Jesus name Amen. 


  1. My dear sister, Please forgive him and talk to him as Amara has suggested, because his in love that's all his trying to tell you, give him a chance if you know u can. God bless you.

  2. watch and pray says the omniscient, it is time for you to extinguish the procrastination in you and put on an inquisitive suit towards your present wooer,sit him down as Amara had postulated, ask him every question pertaining to his attitude towards you to clarify all presumption. NB: let him know that you will adhere to God's direction only. well done for keeping your temple Holy till this juncture.


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